Title: Soldier's Sauna
Author: Enide Dear
Pairing: Soldier 4-some
Rating: Um, some hanky-panky spanky...
Summary: Four Soldiers. One Sauna. Lots of beer.
A/N: This is actually really how you you use a sauna. *ponders* At least that's what they told me….
"I fail to see the point of this exercise," Sephiroth frowned slightly, fiddling with the towel over his shoulder. "It all seems utterly unhygienic to me."
"I agree," Genesis pouted and crossed his arms, his towel hanging loose on his hips. "Are we supposed to just sit in there and sweat together? How disgusting."
Zack rolled his eyes, hitching up his towel.
"C'mon guys," he grinned. "How can you even say that? I mean, it's not as if we haven't sweated together *before*, in all kinds of circumstances…"
"That is different," Genesis sniffed. "When we're fighting or fucking, sweating is a *by product* of the activity, not the sole purpose of it."
"We've shared every other body fluid there is! We've bled on each other, dried each other's tears, swallowed you-know-what. Not to mention that horrible time we all got stomach sick and had to share one field toilet. Come on! Please?"
Sephiroth and Genesis did not look convinced, eyeing the newly built sauna suspiciously. Really, Zack pouted to himself, you make one little mistake with an airships engine room and they treat all your ideas like this. It wasn't even as if the explosion had been *that* bad.
"Angeal?" Pleading, he turning his best 'helpless puppy' eyes at his mentor, who sighed and shrugged, his towel neatly folded around him.
"Zack claims that this will help us bond together better. We might as well give it a try."
"Great!" Flinging the door to the sauna open, Zack hurried in to the hot, steamy depths. A quick glance over his shoulder confirmed that the other three First Class Soldiers were following and he grinned to himself; armies, Weapons, Summons and Minerva herself might not be able to budge ShinRa's finest, but they'd eagerly follow a cute ass wherever it might go.
They settled in as Zack fussed around with the heater, pouring water on the hot stones to increase the amount of steam. Even Sephiroth actually sat down on his towel and not just on the wooden boards– probably mostly out of hygienic reasons.
It didn't take many minutes before sweat broke and muscles started to relax, shoulders slumping down and a few content 'ahh' could be heard.
"See? I told you you'd like it." Zack beamed proudly.
"It's kind of nice. But hot." Genesis startled as Zack bounced passed him and grabbed something from a bucket placed outside. He gingerly caught the something that Zack tossed in. "Beer? Oh, I like this idea better and better!" Rubbing the icy cold bottle against his forehead first, he opened it and took a deep swallow. "Oh, yes, just what we needed!"
"Are you sure about this, Zack?" Angeal frowned. "We're losing a lot of fluids in here rapidly. I don't think replacing them with alcohol is such a good idea."
"Oh lighten up, Angeal." Genesis nudged him with an elbow. "We're *bonding*, wasn't that what you wanted?"
"I…suppose." Grudgingly, Angeal accepted the beer that Zack handed out.
For a while there was quiet once more, except the clinging of beer bottles – of which there seemed to be an unlimited amount - and the exceedingly louder and louder grunts of comfort.
It wasn't a surprise that Genesis was the one who broke the comfortable silence. He rose a bit unsteady, pointing accusingly at Sephiroth with the bottle.
"You! You are not sweating!" He stared at the pale expanse of creamy skin.
"'Of course not." Sephiroth sipped his beer. "Why would I?"
"Because it's almost 90 degrees C in here, you piece of leftover laboratory mess!"
"Gen, behave!" Angeal scowled. "If Sephiroth isn't sweating then he isn't sweating. Get over it."
"Have another beer." Zack suggested handing them out. "When we're hot an' done, we'll go out and roll in the snow."
"Are you s'rious?" Angeal stared at him and accepted the bottle, but Zack nodded.
"It's tradition." He stated firmly. "In Gongggg..Gnogn..Where I come from."
"Y'r trying to get us drunk." It wasn't quite an accusation from Genesis, more like a statement.
"Don't be silly, Gen." Angeal took another deep drink. "We're Scholdiers, aren't we. C'nt get drunk. Mako and all."
"That's true," Sephiroth nodded and gave him a long glance. "But if you're worried, Gen, we can always give you *another* mako shot."
"Perverts." Genesis rolled his eyes as Angeal and Zack burst out laughing. "It's just not fair," Genesis sulked but sat back, drinking more beer. "We're sitting here, itching and sweating and he's just – ow!" Shocked he turned around to see Zack's innocent smile. "You hit me?!"
"It's tradition," Zack waved the bunch of leafy birch branches. "When you start itching it feels good to scratch by slapping a birch faggot…" He yelped as Angeal suddenly caught him and swung him around over his lap, smacking him hard over his ass with the bunch of branches.
"That's for callin' a fellow Soldier a faggot." Angeal growled as Zack wriggled in his lap, protesting loudly. "E'ven if it's true."
"Go Angeal!" Genesis jumped up and down and slapped a hand on Sephiroth's shoulder. "Right, Sephy…oh, *now* you are sweating…"