I bet there was a moment, right as your foot touched down on that aisle and before the door shut at your back, where you wanted to run.
Not away, but to me.
Not away, but to my side.
Not away, but to my arms.
And I bet you hesitated, purse held tight in your hand and your mother rudely snapping for you to move and the murmur of all the other wealthy passengers in your ears…
…I bet you almost changed your mind.
/ /
Spencer sits at the end of her bed and is torn between staring at her phone – which doesn't ring – or at the picture of Clay – which doesn't ever change, a smile that never fades because it is no longer real.
And her mother ruins so many things – a marriage, a home, a daughter – but those hugs are what Spencer craves and she falls into them.
And her father rebuilds so many things – a family, a heart, a little girl – but she can't look into his watery eyes and Spencer turns away.
But Glen gets it and touches her in passing – hand to the shoulder, pinkies linked under the table – and they don't speak.
Because what do you say? How many clichéd things do you repeat – to friends and to counselors and to strangers? When do tears about a brother lost become sorrow for yourself?
Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do bad things happen at all, to anyone at all, to everyone?
And Spencer sits at the end of her bed.
And her damn phone never rings.
/ /
Ashley sits on this airplane, in between the window and her sleeping mother, and regret rises up higher than these man-made wings ever could.
But she never changes – give her death, give her pain, give her a shot at love – and if Ashley can't numb what she feels, she forever flees.
And who is she going to fall back onto now?
Will Aiden keep on catching her even though he'll never have her heart?
Will Madison keep on baiting her even though neither of them has any fight left?
Will the girls keep on dancing in Ashley's direction? Will the boys keep on fawning over Ashley's form?
Will the world keep on spinning even as she leaves her entire world behind?
And she stares at her phone, eyes bouncing back and forth, dialing a number that she knows.
Dialing it and dialing it and dialing it, imagining the voice on the other end, picturing the lips that would speak… and Ashley looks away.
And Ashley looks to the window.
To California disappearing. To L.A. as a memory. To Spencer Carlin, reaching out to a girl that will never change.
/ /
I bet there was a moment, right as those shots rang out and right as your knees hit the hard ground, where you thought it was me that would die.
And your hand stretched out for mine.
And your eyes sought my face.
And your heart actually stopped.
I bet there was a moment where you didn't have to decide at all.
/ /
END