"All hail Britannia!!!" shouted Jeremiah Gottwald, lunging at the Recursive Harbinger with his bladearm outstretched. I had been standing near him at the time, so of course I did a cartwheel backwards and took out my gun.
The Recursive Harbinger blinded Jeremiah with his shoes (which were always shinin') and then jumped away. Mr. Divine Hare rushed to engage Jeremiah with a magical antivirus program, but he was shoved away with a shout of "SHEER LOYALTY!"
"It's no good!" shouted Agent Juicy Potato. "He's voiced by Crispin Freeman! We don't stand a chance!"
This was true. Agent Juicy Potato tried to slow him down by shooting him twenty million times, but he was a robot.
"That won't work!" shouted Jeremiah, knocking the gun out of her arms with his robotic arm. "I am a robot!"
Agent Juicy Potato jumped behind an old couch (made of chocolate, of course) and muttered, "Damn, I didn't expect him to be a robot!"
Jeremiah attacked the Recursive Harbinger again, and sliced his mask off, shouting "MEMORIZE THIS!", to no real relevance.
The Harbinger's mask tumbled to the ground to reveal... to everyone's shock...
The Jackal.
"It... can't be!" shouted Jeremiah, his pupils getting all small and his face contorted with ham. "It can't be THE JACKAL!!!!"
"I think I'm more than that." said the Jackal, taking a small object with a button on it out of his cloak. "I'm the froamest of the froam."
He pressed the button, which prompted an explosion of radiowaves or something. I couldn't really see because I was hiding behind an unexpected tree, but it must have been impressive because Jeremiah fell to his knees. "GEFJUN... DISTURBER!!!!" he yelled, apparently in pain.
"Yes, they're stereophonic speakers." said the Jackal. "Though I really don't need them."
However, Jeremiah got up again, blood shooting from his non-robot parts! "I cannot fail!!!! I MUST COMPLETE MY MISSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And so he walked across the room and gave the Jackal an orange. "I'm here to join the Kira Investigation!"
And so he did. And that's the story of how oranges came to be.
Following Jeremiah's defection to our side, the Jackal explained to us that the Omniscient Council of Vagueness had been responsible for all of the antagonists up to this point and that Lord Evil Bad was just that; evil, and bad. He also told us all about Ron's fallopian tubes, which were swimming lazily up the foooooooooodAll of that was meaningless now. The final battle for peace and justice was approaching. But before we could march into Lord Evil Bad's stronghold, there was one last thing that had to be done.
"There is a man." said the Jackal. "And he... has a secret."