From: Darcy Ryan
Date: March 8, 2014 8:02:34 PM EST
Subject: The Tales of Harold the Moustache
The Tales of Harold the Moustache
(And Francois)
Written by Darcy
Harold's POV
I was born on a cold October night. I was just a little hair back then. I had heard stories about what happened to hairs like me. The master would first drown us in a white substance, then we would be scraped off on a metal plate and flushed down a pot into a dark, dark, place. I didn't know if they were true, but the day I was born I was instantly worried instead of excited to see the world.
But that wasn't the case on October 14. As the master entered the bathroom, I knew it was the end. But as he began to pick up the white substance, he stopped, looked in the mirror, and put the death trap back down. And that's when my life began.
As the months went by, I saw other moustaches like me on the street. But the master did not talk to them. He mostly just walked to this big fat stone and just stared at it. It was like it was his only friend. How insane was that, talking to a stone. Well, I shouldn't be talking because sometimes I tried to make conversations with the master's pillow at night. I don't think she liked me. She always said I was 'itchy.'
I also tried talking to the master once. He has bad hearing, because he didn't respond.
Finally, the master found a lady friend. Sadly, she didn't have a moustache. I was very disappointed at this fact. I was happy for the master, really I was. He had stopped visiting the fat stone. I was so relieved. The stone kept giving me strange looks. However, the lady always snuck out at night, leaving the master alone. Of course, I could not follow her because I only consist of hair.
On a cool morning, the master went out and bought a ring. "The master must be bisexual," I thought. Why else would he buy a ring? But by that time I was as hairy as could be, and as the master changed into a tux and drove away with his lady friend, I realized why he bought the ring. He was going to confess to the lady he was gay.
When we got to the fancy restaurant, we sat down at a table with the lady. But then the lady had to pee. A waiter came around after she left. At first I didn't notice it, but the it was As clear as day. His moustache! Two little black lines! It was so beautiful. It wasn't hairy at all, but it was the most wonderful thing I had ever seen besides the master'a pillow. I started to open my mouth, but the waiter was already gone.
"Don't mess this up," said the master.
"I won't," I responded.
The lady sat down.
"Now what was that you wanted to ask me?" She sighed.
The master started to drone on and on about their love and blah blah blah. Right as the master pulled out the ring and began the big secret, the waiter came along again.
"Not now please," said the master. Bicker bicker said the master. Bicker bicker said the waiter. Suddenly the master looked up. I felt his mouth drop as he stood up.
"Two ears," it sounded like he said. The I realized, there was the moustache! Now was my chance.
"Why... Hello!" I exclaimed.
"Hi," Said the beauty.
"Um... My name is Harold," I sputtered.
"I am Francois. You are handsome." Said the beauty.
"I love you," I said. It does not take long for moustaches to fall in love, might I add.
"I love you-" But he was cut off, literately. The evil being had wiped the beauty off. There must me different ways to execute moustaches.
"NOOOO! FRANCOIS! I LOVE YOU FRANCOIS!" I screamed.
Suddenly the master lunged himself as the waiter, and I was trying to punch him too with my small brown hairs. Then everything went black.
The next morning, the calendar read two days after Francois' death. The master got up and went to the bathroom. My hairy heart stopped as he picked up the white substance. Step one: I was drowned.
Step two: I was scraped on a metal plate.
Step three: I was flushed down the pot, but I passed away before I could find out if I went to a dark, dark, place.
Epilogue:
You probably have some questions. I will start off by saying I was reunited with Francois in moustache heaven, which happens to be a very happy place.
I also do wonder about some things, like who the waiter was and why the master told him he had two ears. I also wonder how the lady reacted to the master being gay. And most of all, I wonder why he ever shaved me. But I am glad He did, because now I am reunited with my true love, Francois.