A/N: So, I've had this idea in my head for months, and it's been sitting on my computer for months. I've recently been going through my word documents looking for one shots to write, I discovered this! While this isn't going to be a one shot, I'm still super excited to share this with you all! Let's get started!

Note: I've been using this video off all the cut scenes as a reference: watch?v=aJpXI8Ao-9I

Trigger Warning: Death

Disclaimer: I do not own The Last of Us

Prologue

He remembers the fear when Ellie wouldn't respond to CPR.

He remembers the anger when Marlene told him the cost about making the vaccine.

He remembers the heartbreak when he realizes he was too late . . .

Joel looks down at Ellie's body with utter agony written on his features. The doctors are dead at his feet and Ellie is gone. "Ellie?" he says in a broken voice, placing a hand on the girl's face and wincing at how cold she is.

The man narrows his eyes. He should have never listened to Tess. They should have let Marlene find someone else to take Ellie to the Fireflies, and found another way to get the guns. Maybe then . . . maybe then, everyone would be alive right now. Maybe then, he wouldn't be the last alive, and missing Ellie like he misses Sarah . . .

Sarah . . .

Gunshots and shouting from the Firefly soldiers snap Joel from his thoughts. He shakes his head, clearing his mind. He doesn't have time to go down that path right now, after all, Joel still needs to escape the base.

He carefully lifts Ellie's body off the operation table, and heads out of the room. Joel quickly navigates through the hospital, with Firefly sprinting behind him. The man turns a corner and spots the elevator in the distance, and feels a light of hope in his chest. He runs for the elevator, and jams the button right as bullets begin whizzing by his head. Joel stands unable to defend himself, without cover and his arms filled with Ellie's body.

The elevator arrives right as the soldiers discover Joel's location. Joel enters the elevator, and presses the down button. He wills the doors to close, and they do, just before the first soldier is about to reach him. Joel lets out a relieved sigh, and leans heavily against the wall behind him.

Joel soon arrives on Parking Level Two. He presses the button in confusion, before realizing the damn thing isn't working. Joel swears under his breath, and exits the elevator. He looks to his left and sees a car that looks like it may have some juice in it. With his decision, Joel takes a step towards the vehicle before freezing at the sound of a gun cocking. He turns to his right only to see the form of Marlene a few feet away, with her pistol aimed at Joel's head.

Marlene cautiously watches Joel, averting her gaze between the man, and Ellie in his arms. "You're too late, you know?"

"I don't need for you to tell me what I am."

Marlene shakes her head. "You're not the only one who lost her, Joel."

"But, I didn't give up her life for something that may not work," Joel counters.

"It's what she would have wanted," Marlene argues as she takes a step forward. "And you know it."

Joel glares at Marlene, angry that she thought she knew what a fourteen year old could have wanted. How could any of the adults in Ellie's life, including Joel, know what she would have wanted?

Marlene raises her hands in the form of surrender and slowly begins to approach Joel. Before she gets too close, Joel shoots her twice in the stomach with the pistol that was concealed by Ellie's body. Marlene drops her gun and collapses to the ground with a grunt.

Joel quickly walks over to the car, opening the door and placing Ellie's body on the backseat. He slams the door and strides over to Marlene, with his pistol clasped tightly in his hand.

"Wait, wait!" Marlene exclaims through her panting. The ground around her is covered with her blood as she continues to bleed from the wound in her abdomen. "Let me go," she pleads, desperate.

Joel straightens his shoulders and glares at Marlene. "No," he says before raising his gun and shooting her between the eyes.

The drive to Tommy's Compound is spent in an eerie silence. Joel absently strokes his beard, and he gazes at the road ahead of him. He looks into the rearview mirror, and his heart clenches as he sees Ellie's unmoving body. He gulps and turns back to the road, briefly wondering what would happen if she was still alive.

Ellie would be confused, wondering what happened (the last thing she would have remembered was almost drowning while trying to help Joel—if even that much). Joel would spin a lie about how they found the Fireflies and Marlene, who told him that there were dozens more like Ellie and that all attempts of extraction have been unsuccessful. He would tell her that the Fireflies have stopped looking for a cure. Ellie would have known he was lying, but wouldn't argue until later.

Joel takes a deep breath, tightens his grip on the steering wheel, and focuses his gaze. He's almost to the Compound, and it wouldn't do him any good to crash now.

A few miles later, the car begins to sputter and spurt. Joel curses and pulls into the grass. He shuts the car off and sighs. At least the damn thing stopped working close to Tommy's.

Joel climbs out of the car, groaning and stretching his legs. He's not used to being so immobile in one sitting. He opens the back door, and carefully slides Ellie's body out of the vehicle. Joel cradles the girl close before turning away from the vehicle and looking at the woods in front of him. He still has a long way to go.

Tommy immediately greets Joel, when he arrives at the Compound's entrance twenty minutes after he left the car. His brother looks between Joel and Ellie with a hopeful gaze and unspoken words on his lips ("How did it go? Do you know anything about the vaccine? How's Ellie doing? Is she alright?)

Joel spares a glance down at Ellie before shaking his head sadly. When he looks up, the hopeful expression on Tommy's face has fallen into one of grief.

Tommy walks over and places a comforting hand on Joel's shoulder. He leads his brother further into the Compound, calling for Maria over his radio.

That day, they have a funeral for Ellie that the entire Compound (aside from the guards) attends. She is buried in the cemetery amongst the previously deceased. Maria gives a beautiful sermon and everyone hangs their heads in silent respect.

Joel and Tommy stand next to Ellie's coffin, looking down at the girl. She's wearing one of Maria's old dresses from when she was younger, and wearing her hair out. Ellie looks like she's sleeping and Joel is still trying to wrap his head around the fact that she is gone.

Tommy places a hand on Joel's shoulder, but he barely registers the action. Joel is trapped in his thoughts as he looks down at Ellie, wondering if things could have been different.

Weeks later, the Compound gets word that the vaccine didn't work.

Joel is furious. He is standing in the center of the room Tommy gave him the day of Ellie's funeral, sieving with rage. Joel knew—he fucking knew that it wouldn't work and Ellie had to pay the price. He swipes the journal off his nightstand (he started keeping one when he first got to Boston and still updates it regularly), and tosses it across the room, listening with satisfaction as it slams against the wall and falls to the floor.

Hours later, Joel is sitting in the center of his room with his head in his hands. He hears his door opening, and the familiar steps of his brother approaching him. Tommy silently sits next to him and places an arm around his shoulders.