AN: I've been wrapped up in Sparia lately (though I haven't been watching PLL as much), so I decided to switch over to my other main love: Brittana. With season four ending, I need somewhere to get out my little angst moments here and there. And here one is. A little story (which is partially AU in a very strong way) that may become something more.
Also, the first chapter focuses heavily on the past (all three seasons and part of season four/how Santana viewed things with Quinn and Brittany and everyone else). It's a lead up to the remaining chapters (which start in the season four finale and go on from there) and they will all make sense together when it's all over. Have faith in this.
And yes, chapter one is really long. Worth it.
Enjoy.
Chapter one - Past Moments.
You remember the day you first found out who Quinn Fabray was. You were fourteen and about to be a sophomore in school and she was everything you were supposed to hate, but everything you longed to be. And though she was a freshman like you, she was pretty, thin, intelligent, popular amongst the boys, and feared amongst the girls. She'd been initiated in the Cheerios the year before, specifically handpicked by Sue Sylvester herself, and already appointed co-captain with a senior. She could part the masses of bodies in her wake as though she was Moses parting the Red Sea. She was the captain of the very ship you wished to reign over and she knew she was the top girl wherever she went.
God, you fucking hated her.
She had everything you wanted. Popularity and brains, looks and wealth – and Brittany S. Pierce as her best friend. The tall blonde with a smile that could allow the blind to see again and a laugh that could make anyone fall in love, the girl that had charmed and dancer her way onto the Cheerios right along with Quinn. You wanted to be her friend, yet there she was, Brittany S. Pierce, perfection on legs, walking around with no other than Quinn fucking Fabray.
God, you really fucking hated Quinn.
During the summer, you decided you would penetrate the mighty Quinn Fabray's bubble and get in with her and the Cheerios.
(And subsequently get in with Brittany, but you pretended that wasn't the main reason).
You had trained all summer to be perfect. Sure, you weren't born with natural grace and dancing ability like Brittany and you weren't shipped over to an over-priced gymnastics camp almost every summer like Quinn, but you were able to dance to a beat and could do a few basic flips and tricks and had the stamina of a bull, so you were as ready as you could be. You had watched as each girl that was lined up in front of you went, one after another and another. Each was better or worse than the one before them, some nowhere near the level of perfection you knew the Cheerios were at, while other's seemed to excel and meet expectations.
The girl in front of you (she had told you her name was Madison before she went on about how she only wanted to be a cheerleader because it was in her family legacy to be one) was admittedly good. She was able to match the standing Cheerios move for move and you were positive that she would make it. But while you listened on as Sylvester tore her down (I will not have girls with cellulite on my team! We are cheerleaders, not contestants on The Biggest Loser.) and you watched as Madison walked off the field with her head hung low, you were sure you would be, undoubtedly so, screwed.
So maybe it was a fleeting cowardly thought that had you turning and leaving your spot, mind set on not even trying out anymore after the spectacle the coach made of a good candidate. If she hated Madison, you had thought, she was bound to hate you even more. You looked on as each Cheerio, present and hopefully future, watched your walk of shame from the field and back toward the locker rooms, tail firmly tucked between your legs and confidence stripped away.
And who else was at the front of the pack, smirk ever present on her face, and glad to see you go? Quinn fucking Fabray.
You had sent her a glare – one that lacked its usual heart-stopping coldness – and mumbled something about showing her who was boss under your breath before you caught sight of endless legs and the blonde hair.
Brittany.
She stood on Quinn's left, far enough back that you couldn't see her at first, but close enough that you could make out every expression on her face. While all the other Cheerios looked happy to see you go, Brittany did not. She looked sad, like she wanted to see you try, and disappointed that she couldn't. Her lips quirked up slightly on the right side, barely a flinch before it disappeared, and you let your eyes flick away in shame before passing through the doors.
/
You had just finished filling your bag with your clothes when you saw her walk in – or more so, glide in with the ease and grace that only a dancer could have.
It was the first time you ever cursed Brittany Pierce.
For a moment, you let yourself pretend that she was here to see you. That she left the mighty Quinn Fabray's side to come see you and talk to you and maybe, just maybe, pick you over Quinn. But why would she? Why leave behind the popularity and the perks to befriend the girl who was too afraid to even tryout for a damn cheerleading squad? You scoffed at the thought alone and shouldered your bag, quickly stepping around the blonde – who you just realized had randomly stopped in front of you and not said a single word – and moved toward the door to make your second exit.
"Santana, right?" she calls out just before you reach the door and you freeze, hand against the warm wood of the door and eyebrows raised to your hairline. You assumed she knew who you were, you did share two classes with her, but you never expected her to say your name to you. And if she did ever say it, you didn't want it to be after you had just embarrassed yourself in front of her.
"You shouldn't have walked off the field. Coach doesn't like that." She made her way back to where you were still frozen, her voice invading your mind and rendering you practically dumb. You shake your head and finally turn to face her. "Why'd you walk off?"
"Because I would've fucking sucked," you had replied in a tone of voice that would've scared most people off. But aside from flinching (you guess from you saying 'fucking'), she doesn't move – in fact, she smiles and nods slowly, accepting your answer as is.
"I don't think you would've. You're really small, so you could've easily been a flier and the tricks would be super easy for you to do—" at this point, she's leaning into you like she's telling you a secret, "and you're cute. Coach always wants the cute girls." With that and a nod, she's sweeping past you and out the door, a casual see you later following after her as she goes.
You talked to Brittany Pierce. Or, she talked, you listened.
And she called you cute.
/
The next day, you re-try out for the Cheerios.
To your surprise, Brittany's delight, and Quinn's annoyance, you make it.
When Sue's handing you your uniform, she tells you to stick with Q and Brittany when school starts in two weeks.
You smile at Brittany and when she bounces over to hug you in a moment of happiness, you had smirked at Quinn over her shoulder.
/
The two weeks fly by. You only speak to Quinn during them because she reminds you every day that she is top dog and you're nothing more than a flea she has to deal with. You tell her things like Okay, Fabray, whatever and then hang up. And you assume by the text that you always get right after the phone call ends that Brittany is with Quinn and she tells you that she's glad you tried out and that Quinn will warm up once she gets to know you.
You don't care and you tell her that, but you say you'll be nice because you don't want to upset her.
On the first day back, people notice you when you walk in. You may be behind Quinn fucking Fabray and you may only be fifteen now, but you feel powerful and like you own the school. It's then and there that you realize you're no longer that girl who walked away from her first tryout. You're the girl who came back, dominated, and now, you rule this school. You can't give up anymore; you have to show everyone you have what it takes.
And you do.
/
You're the one who initiates the slushie attacks on Rachel Berry. She's no one special, so you don't know why you chose her. Maybe she talks a little too much for your liking and she's constantly going on about some stupid glee club, but you've never seen any harm from her. But that didn't matter, you had to prove yourself.
So you promised Noah Puckerman you would make out with him for five minutes if he did the deed. And obviously, he readily agreed.
When lunch rolls around, you watch from the sidelines as a cherry slushie hits Berry right in the face.
/
When they find out who did it, Quinn looks almost… proud. She gives you a nod and something that could be called a smile in the right light before heading off to go make out with her dinosaur of a boyfriend.
When you turn back to see how Berry's handling herself, you catch Brittany's eyes and she looks so disappointed – so much worse than that day on the field when you walked off – and it steals the breath from your lungs before she walks away.
You start to question if this is all worth it.
/
Slowly, slushie's become a thing. People get them all the time – at least those who are unlucky enough to be the lowest of the low.
Quinn applauds the idea, Brittany stays quiet and silently disagrees with it. And though she's forgiven you for starting this with Berry, she still smiles at you when you secretly tell her you're not behind anymore of them.
/
Quinn Fabray (with special orders from Coach) forces you and Brittany to join the glee club. You watch as those losers sing and dance and act like a band of merry fucking men. You and Quinn equally despise it and you both constantly complain about how it's the worst thing ever.
Brittany's just glad she can dance somewhere other than in a smelly gym or on a field in the hot sun.
You stop complaining about being there just a little less.
Two months later Quinn gets kicked off the squad. Apparently, Miss Holier-Than-Thou got knocked up and now, you've got her spot.
A part of you knows you should feel bad because, somehow, you and Fabray did start a friendship. One that was based off insults and slaps to the face almost constantly, but a friendship nonetheless.
But another part is happy because you've wanted this spot and now you've got it.
When you pass by Quinn in the hall, no longer in her uniform and now just another loser, you call her Tubbers and keep moving.
/
Puck thinks you've been dating ever since you made out. You decide he's good for your image and your newfound popularity, so you go along with it.
You miss the way Brittany watches you every time the two of you walk down the hall hand in hand.
/
The first time Puck tries to sleep with you, you deny him. He calls you a tease and you slap him before storming out and going to Brittany's.
She's in pajamas and they have little ducks on them and it's after curfew, but she lets you in through her window anyway and hands you a pair of pajamas too – they have swans on them – and tells you to just sleep.
Instead, you tell her about Puck and what he said and how you don't even like him like you should. She tells you to end, but you both know you won't. Puck is a boost and you want to stay at the top no matter what.
She whispers a goodnight and despite your pleas for her to keep talking to you, she turns over and goes to sleep.
You stare at the ceiling for hours before you finally sleep.
/
You sleep with Puck the next weekend.
He tells everyone the next day at school and suddenly, you're the hottest girl in school.
You wonder if you did the right thing and when Brittany smiles at you, that same disappointed look in her eyes, you know you didn't.
You sleep with him again that night to get the look out of your mind.
/
Turns out that Puck's the father of Quinn's baby. You don't want her sloppy seconds.
You break up with him and decide you can rule without him.
He's a Lima loser anyway.
/
The next few weeks pass in a blur. You start making out with random boys but you never go that far with them. You let them touch your chest and if you feel generous, you'll give them a little something down below. Nothing more ever happens.
You let them lie to everyone, say you have sex with all of them and you slowly start to gain a reputation. Usually, being labeled a slut would be bad, but for you, it only adds to your power and you thrive from it.
You ignore Brittany and her looks and you ignore that nagging feelings in your stomach telling you you're doing the wrong thing – you don't want to deal with them, so you don't.
Two weeks later, Quinn stops you after glee. Where she used to be lean muscle and hard features, she's all motherly curves and soft smiles. You see her when you're in glee, she's happier now. Even though she's lost her boyfriend, her family, and her title, she's happier. She smiles at you, a little flick of the lips that makes your stomach flip because you know she's seeing right through you. You two may not be the greatest friends, but Quinn's your girl and she knows you even though you hate that she does.
"So I heard a few things." Her voice sounds tired and weary, like she's carrying a burden – and yeah, when your eyes glance down to her stomach, you realize she literally is. "You've been sleeping around."
You nod because really, are you supposed to deny it? You've got the sex appeal and the power, something Quinn never had, so you would never deny that. She shakes her head and sighs like she's ashamed in you and maybe she is. Hell, if you cared enough, you'd be ashamed.
"You know she copies you, right?"
Your eyebrow raises slowly – a trait you realize you picked up from Fabray – and you scoff before questioning who. She mutters Brittany, you idiot like it's obvious and you can't help but laugh at how stupid that sounds. Brittany doesn't follow behind you. You two haven't talked for a week and you just assumed she was insanely focused on the glee assignment you were given on Monday – not following your stupid lead.
"She heard you were sleeping around, so she's doing it, too. Brittany likes for you two to be in sync with everything. She trusts your judgment and everything – I don't know why – and here you are abusing that power without even knowing you have it."
You shake your head and turn away from Quinn, arms crossing over your chest and smirk firmly planted on your face. "There's no way in hell that's true. Britt's too smart for that." When you say the words, you know they're true. Despite everyone thinking Brittany is stupid – God, it really bugs you when they say that – you know she's not.
/
Turns out, what Quinn said was true. Brittany really was sleeping around because she thought you were.
You don't know what makes you feel worse: the fact she blindly followed your lead or that someone unworthy was touching her.
You ignore the feeling and casually threaten all the guys who haven't gotten a hold of Brittany yet.
The fear in their eyes makes you smile.
/
During a glee competition, Quinn goes into labor. Despite your past with each other, she is, admittedly, one of your best friends and you want to be there for her. But you know you can't because not everyone can be in the delivery room and she specifically asks for Wheezy and Puck to be there, something you do understand.
Before she goes in and when no one else is looking, you lean down and give her a hug so tight you're afraid the baby just might come out because of it and whisper a You and her better be okay or I'll kill you into her ear before straightening up like nothing happens.
The look she gives you, full of gratitude and love, makes you smile as she's wheeled out.
/
Beth, from what you heard from Puck, is beautiful.
Some family will love her like you know Quinn could have if she tried.
When school starts back, you're better than ever. You had a little… summer development and you're positive your junior year is going to be the one you dominate in.
You're still head bitch at the school and over the summer, you and Brittany came to an understanding. You don't sleep around, she doesn't either – rather, you two just hook up with each other. It's easier and less complicated and no one has to know about it.
It makes you feel light and like nothing bad can happen.
/
Brittany stops hooking up with you and starts dating robo-nerd and suddenly, something in your heart bursts and you feel angry.
Quinn tells Coach about your summer surgery and you lose your top spot, get referred to as Sandbags, and get demoted to the bottom of the pyramid.
God, you fucking hate Artie Abrams and Quinn Fabray.
And to top it off, you all end up quitting the cheerios a few weeks later anyway.
/
You see Brittany and him wherever you go, it's pretty much the icing on the shit cake that is now your junior year.
Every time you do, it hurts a little more. You don't like to share Brittany and especially not with some stupid boy that could never treat her right. You're the only one that knows her, no one else can get her like you do.
So you tell her things like It's not cheating if the plumbing's different and We're just friends talking with our tongues super close and you get to have her when Artie can't. In your mind, Brittany is only with you and never him. You don't know to what extent you mean that, but you know it's big.
/
Somewhere along the line, Brittany realizes that you might, like, love her more than you let on. She says you need to talk about your feelings, but you say you have none because everything is better without them.
She wants you to talk anyway and you can never go without doing what she says.
Miss Holliday is your first and only choice.
/
Her words hit deep, saying things about it's not who you're attracted to, it's who you fall in love with. And you're Santana Lopez, do you even believe in love?
Your eyes shoot to Brittany and maybe, just maybe, you do.
You sing to her, about how your life was built around her and how your love with always be brought to her.
/
You tell her that you love her, that you want no one but her, but she denies you for Artie fucking Abrams.
You decide to be done with her and you don't talk for weeks until she confronts you again.
She says they broke up because Artie called her dumb and you realize that now, you can truly show her how much you care and make her forget this heartache.
You say she deserves better and that she deserves you and happiness.
You make her your little secret again anyway.
But it's Brittany and she doesn't mind and you love that about her.
/
Quinn realizes you're dating before anyone else. She doesn't sneer and call you names and she doesn't make fun of you, she just smiles and tells you that she's glad you're finally happy.
You want to make a joke of it, but you can't because you realize that you are happy. The happiest you've been in a while and it makes you smile.
You just say Britt makes you happy and leave it at that before you leave for summer break.
Finn literally kicks you out of the closest when senior year rears its ugly head. Sure, maybe you were making fun of him a little too much lately, but that's never an excuse to out someone who wasn't ready. You don't cry and question how he figured it out, you just keep walking and ignore all the looks and whispers that are going on around you.
He never apologies for it. He keeps making excuses, saying he's worried about you and that he wants you to be okay, but he was the one who put your biggest secret out there so it's kind of hypocritical.
You decide to not even bother and just tell him that he's right and you thank him despite how much you want to kill him.
He always has to be the hero even when he messes up.
Now you can be out with Brittany and be happy.
You are happy.
You two go the entire year without any complications unlike every other couple. You hug and hold hands and just are happy no matter what.
It feels right and it feels real.
/
Quinn gets in an accident when everyone is focusing on Finn and Rachel's idiotic wedding. She may have wronged you last year, but she's still your girl and you have to be there.
You rant and scream when you're at the hospital, demanding to see her until they finally let you and you cry when you do. Quinn is fragile and soft and perfection in a body but now, she's mangled and hurt and you feel like if you had been on her side and not went along with this wedding, you two would've been poolside making fun of it instead of her being alone in a car.
She had Yale and a future before her and now, she may never walk again. She's too big for Lima.
/
At prom, you dance with Britt. You sing with Quinn and hold her as she stands again for the first time in front of everyone.
You finally feel like everything is coming into place and life is finally going the right way.
It feels great.
/
Two weeks left of school and you find out Brittany isn't graduating. You demand to know why and you say you'll stay for her.
But you can't because she helped get you into college and she's making sure you go.
You keep fighting her on it but she keeps saying no.
You can never win with her.
/
It's a bittersweet moment when you walk across that stage and she doesn't.
Kentucky sucks. You hate everyone there and everything about it. So you continually leave to visit Brittany and your parents and you just wish Lima wasn't the place where you had to go to be happy again.
But Brittany isn't happy, you know that. She tells you it hurt when you left even though she made you go in the first place and even though you don't want to, you know you need to let her go so she can try to be happy.
You make up some excuse about an attraction in a coffee shop – because really, you knew you would never cheat on Britt, but that woman in the coffee shop did make you feel something – and you break up. There are tears and hugs and you know you will always love her the most – you make sure to tell her as much.
/
Three weeks later and she's dating Sam Evans. You ignore the pang you feel because you know it's what you left to let her do, but you fight for her anyway.
She's the love of your life and you want her back, but you can't have her. She sends you off, again, and tells you to find yourself and a place where you belong.
New York.
/
Living with Hummel and Berry is something you never thought would happen. But somehow, they become your friends and then your family. You love them and watch out for them, despite constantly getting on their nerves with your accusations and snooping.
To some degree, they trust you (if Rachel allowing you to go to the doctors with her is any indication) and they value you as a person, something you so desperately need after you ended up sleeping with Quinn for the hell of it and losing Brittany to yet another boy.
/
Over the next few weeks, Brittany and you become best friends again. You talk almost daily and she tells you the latest about what Lord Tubbington is doing and how school is going. You're sure she's going to graduate this time and you say you'll be there when it happens, cheering the loudest out of everyone.
She tells you that you're her best friend and in your secret language together, you know it means she loves you.
/
Sam calls you, tells you something's going on with Brittany. It should make you feel good that he can't handle it and has to call you in to do it, but it doesn't. You're worrying too much about Brittany and how she's apparently going a little crazy.
Turns out, you're needed back in Lima again and when you get there and somehow slide your way out of doing an actual segment on Brittany's melted cheese show, you find out she got accepted into college. And not just any college, but MIT.
You always knew she was a genius and now, the entire world will know, too.
/
Her goodbyes to everyone are heartfelt, tears are being shed and hugs are being given. You watch as she says goodbye to Sam and you know that at some point, she did love him.
When she comes to you, you don't want to hear it because to you, goodbye can never happen between you.
There's never a goodbye, but only a see you later and you know she knows that, too.
/
New Directions win the competition and you stand at the edge of the stage as everyone runs off to celebrate their victory. Brittany stays behind and walks along the stage – the stage where you two sang and danced across too many times to count, the stage she won't walk across because she's off to bigger and better things – and you smile as you think about how life will go for her.
The sound your heels make as you walk across the stage are deafening in the quiet and when you stop in front of her, you watch as something flashes in her eyes. You smile, that small barely there Santana Lopez smile you have and hold your hand out to her.
When she takes it and you two walk off that stage together, you know it's not goodbye, but just another see you later.