There was a time when I believed in love… but I guess we all have to grow up at some point.
I suppose I was an idiot for assuming that revolution didn't come at a price. Everything does, really. But the day I raised my musket to fire, I lost a helluva lot more than I was willing to bargain for. Back then, I was pretty cut off from the world and only had one true friend. I didn't realize how important he was to me until I'd gone and wrecked it all.
Never know what you've got till it's gone, am I right? Damn, how I wish it wasn't so true. Maybe if this bitter reality was all just one big lie I wouldn't be so lonely right now. Maybe I wouldn't be staring aimlessly into a deep blue horizon right now wishing desperately that a cranky old fart was at my side. Maybe the waves would stop reminding me of how easily memories could be tossed around for hours and be brought back in a sudden crash that could leave you face down on the ground. Maybe I could stop mixing my tears with a sea of salt water.
But it wasn't a lie and nothing could ever be the same. No matter how hard I try to turn it all around, the man I care about so much won't even look at me. It makes sense, really, but it still hurts like a poisonous bite. That's why I'd decided to go on this walk, isn't it? To clear my mind a bit?
Walking along the shoreline had always seemed to help ease my mind a bit. The feeling of sand under my feet and water lapping up to my ankles used to calm my nerves in a soothing, repetitive sort of way. But now all I felt was an icy hand trying to pull me under and my mind was more alert than ever; just replaying the same regrets from hundreds of years ago. Nothing about the ocean calmed me now, no matter how serene the scenery.
So I sat down in the sand and let the water rush over me in a last attempt to simmer down my nerves. But all I sensed rushing over me was an uncomfortable mixture of pain and regret, suddenly causing the cool water to boil my flesh and bone.
"Just drown already, wouldn't you?"
My heart skipped a beat and I whipped my head around to the familiar voice, trying to make sure that I wasn't going crazy and that he was actually here. Even if he was angry, at least this would make me feel less alone…
But no one was there.
Tears streamed down my face again and I couldn't help but allow the sobs that came with them. Why was I doing this to myself? Surely if I was to stay there I'd just continue to waste away and shrivel into a mess. All I wanted was to be told what to do, like I was as a child. Back then things were so much simpler and if I was lost Britain would find me again and lead me out of the confusion I always seemed to end up in. But now he was what consumed me, he was the thing that was making me so confused and pulling me farther away from sanity; out into a sea of crushing disorientation. And no one was left to pick up the pieces.
Hands cupping my face, I wept, letting the sound of the crashing waves carry away the embarrassing, muffled sniffs and hiccups that wouldn't stop emitting from my raw throat and runny nose. If there had been any shame left in me at that point, it was soon pulled out to sea, far away from where I sat - in a vortex of all the emotions I'd never let myself show in front of other people. Eventually I felt myself slip away and I lied down, weeping myself a lullaby of sobs to fall asleep to.
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When I woke up, I was pressed against the sand, the tide halfway up my thighs by this point. The sun was still down and stars lit up the sky overhead, twinkling like happy little bastards.
"STOP MOCKING ME, STARS! DON'T YOU HAVE SOMEONE ELSE TO PISS OFF OR SOMETHING?!" I shouted at the top of my lungs to the sky above me. After sticking my tongue out at the universe and wiping the sand off of me, I suddenly realized something on my body that had not been there a few hours ago… a blanket. But I hadn't seen anyone come or felt anything touch me while I was sleep. Something about this blanket was almost…familiar, though; like it belonged there. That's when I realized it: the tiny mint bunny with wings sewn onto the bottom right corner.