Authors Note: Uh...yah....life sucks so this kinda popped up. I had to get my emotions out so I wrote this. This is based loosely on the fact that one of my old friends, whom I really like, is going out with my best friend. Don't want to hurt either of them so.....Skittles is left alone with her little bit of self depression. Anyways, this was originaly going to be a drabble but it ended up being a one-shot. Go figure. It sucks by the way. Read it and review. You'll make me happier.
Warnings: Slash, yaoi, shounen ai, what ever you want to call it. Its in here. Its not BLATANT like characters sucking out each others faces, but its there. Don't like it? Well don't read it. Doesn't take a genius to figure that one out. Oh, and don't scream just cause you don't like the paring k? I don't even really like it myself but it worked okies?
It hurt.
Gods above did it hurt.
But he smiled, despite the near mind numbing pain that spread through him.
The one he loved was happy and that was all that mattered. If the one he loved was happy than so was he.
Tears threatened to fall from his expressive cocoa brown eyes, but did not dare fall from his youthful face.
If...if his love was happy with another, he was happy to. But that didn't stop the hurt. It didn't stop his heart from sobbing every time he saw them embrace or kiss or otherwise show their love for each other.
His heart twisted upon itself as he and his friends sat together, not doing anything, relaxing after a tough battle in the Makai. His love leaned into the one that had captured his heart in an odd open display of affection.
A shaky breath passed by his lips. He got up and silently snuck off, unable to bear the sight any longer.
He would never come between them..........
He would never cause the one he cared for any pain................
Even if it meant that he would be alone......
Even if it meant this pain......He lifted his hand to his chest, where it covered his heart, perhaps to try and ward off the pain of a one sided love.
A rustle that only few could have hear alerted him, for his hieghtened senses would not let anything suprise him anymore, to the presense of someone.
"Yeah?" He called back, his voice harsh and grating from the effort of holding back his emotions.
"You okay? You've been silent lately. Everyone is worried about you" The unknown person replied back. They stepped forward until they were standing right behind him.
"Che, they don't need to worry about me, Kurama" His voice coming out harsher than he had meant it to, almost snapping at the other for coming out to bother him from his solitude.
".......I know that you think that, but really, what is bothering you? I've known you for almost five years now. I call you friend, comrade in arms and much more. Why is it that you can not tell me what is bothering you?" Kurama asked, his long crimson mane swaying slightly in the breeze that had decided to make itself known.
"Because you are what's bothering me Kurama" He said, his voice quiet and low. Cocoa brown eyes found comfort in the soft tones of the earth as an uncomfortable silence settled around the two of them.
"Is it because of my relationship with....." Kurama began but trailed off when he noticed his companions trembling.
"Yes" He bit out. It was exactly that. That was what was bothering him. The fact that the one he loved was with Kurama and not him. The fact that no matter what, the one he loved would never feel the same for him. And because of that....because of his nature, the person he was........he could never act on his feelings.
Kurama's breath caught in his throat. Why? Why did his friend feel this way? Did it really matter to him that much that the youko was seeing another male? He had not thought his friend was so........narrow minded to be un accepting of same sex relationships. They were quite common for youkai. So why was his friend so upset about it?
"I see.........I'm sorry you feel that way" Kurama said softly before turning to leave the other alone with his thoughts.
"Hn. I am not" A new voice stated coldly. Blood red eyes glared accussingly at the black haired boy standing next to the one who held his heart.
The black haired boy flinched slightly. He did not want the one he cared for to dislike him. He was not sure if he would be able to live with that pain. He was barely living now with the pain of seeing his loved one with another..........but his cherished one was happy so he let him be.
"You have no right to judge us boy" The shorter youkai spat furiously, stalking in closer to stand next to the red headed kitsune.
"I know..........and I don't............." He said disparringly, his voice on the verge of cracking. Fists held tightly at his side as he fought with himself to not do anything stupid, while his eyes clenched shut so that they did not have to see what was in front of his face.
"Hn! You say that to my face, but I heard what you said to Kurama!" The short one hissed, his ruby eyes narrowed at the one that dared to lie to him and spout hurtful things to his fox.
"Then you know that I have no problem with you caring for him Hiei, or he caring for you. If being with him is what makes you happy............then so be it. I will not bother you. But know that Kurama is not the only one that cares for you.........." The boy choked out before turning away from the two in front of him, and dashing out deeper into the forest.
"No wait!" Kurama called out, his eyes wide as he realised what the other had been talking about. He lowered his arm which had reached out for the run away boy when he realised that the other was not going to be coming back.
"Yuusuke........" Hiei whispered, blood red eyes widened at the realization that Kurama was indeed not the only one who loved him. Not the only one that could cherish a Forbidden Child.
'Why didn't you tell me..............' Hiei thought as he glanced at his love who had his head bowed in thought.
Kurama wrapped his arms around Hiei and held the little half fire youkai close.
'I'm sorry Yuusuke, but I can't share him with you........not now......not ever. He loves me and I, him. There is no room for you........' Kurama thought possesively and held his loved one closer so that the littler one had to lean into the bigger for support to stay standing.
"Kurama........." Hiei said, his voice muffled by the looming silence.
"Yes Hiei?" Kurama whispered into the others ear.
"What are we going to do? We can not leave the Detective alone............" Hiei said, craning his neck backwards so that he could look up into the leaf green eyes of his love.
"Hiei.........Yuusuke will be alright......as long as you are happy, then he will be happy" Kurama spoke softly of the now obvious love that Yuusuke held for the diminutive fire youkai. It was rare that a person could love another so much that they could let them go and be with the one they truly cared about. He himself knew that he would never have been strong enought to do what the boy had done. Kurama knew that Yuusuke had a big heart, he just did not know that it was quite that large.
"........" Hiei was quiet. He didn't like the answer that he had gotten but then he didn't like the situation that had fallen around the three of them.
"Lets get back to the other Hiei, they will be wondering where we ran off to" Kurama said, reluctantly pulling away from his love.
"Go ahead of me kitsune. I need to talk to the Detective" Hiei said and jumped away, out of sight and on the look out for the much younger black haired boy.
"Be careful Hiei, a heart is a fragile thing............and Yuusuke has offered you up his knowing you will crush it beneath your feet. I can not but help feel jealous for the love he has for you.........though I am glad you are with me......" Kurama told the wind for Hiei was already long gone looking for the Spirit Detective.
Kurama turned away from the small clearing and walked out of the forest that Hiei and Yuusuke were still in.
In another clearing, one not nearly as large as the last, sat Yuusuke upon the ground while Hiei observed him from a tree branch above, unseen.
"Gods I'm stupid.......shoulda just kept my mouth shut. Now Kurama and Hiei both know..........The didn't need to know I love Hiei......would do anything for him.........including giving up my happiness so that he would be happy.........." Yuusuke muttered darkly to himself as he brought his knees up to his chest.
Hiei flitted down from the tree to land in front of Yuusuke, more than just a little concerned about the others attitude.
"I believe we have something to discuss Detective" Hiei stated, his voice neutral and steady even though his mind and thoughts were in complete chaos.
"No we don't Hiei. I like you. You like Kurama. Kurama likes you. I'm alone. End of story" Yuusuke said bitterly, not wanting to meet the older youkai's eyes.
Hiei was slightly shocked to say the least. It was what he had come to sort out........only when it was put so bluntly........it sounded cold.
"True as that may be Yuusuke, know that you have friends and we all care for you" Hiei stated, before disappearing from sight. His original intentions of talking this out with Yuusuke having fled moments ago.
"Yah........but in the end Hiei........I'm always alone......" Yuusuke murmured, his eyes half lidded as thoughts of the past flew past his minds eye.
All the times that he saved everyone.
All the times that he saved the world.
All the times that when he truly needed someone, they weren't there for him.
All the times that he needed to be saved, only to know that no one would save him.
For he was............
Alone.
Soo thats pretty much it. Not really my greatest work but I had to get it out. Took me about an hour with all the interuptions to get it down, but I did it.
If'n you're kind enough to leave a review it is muchly appreciated if you tell me what you think. Like about the whole thing. You know, details. Feed my non-exsitent ego. Please?