My room began to feel like a prison. I paced back and forth in my cage waiting and thinking. "This is driving me crazy. Seriously, trust...he doesn't trust me?! Okay, to stay with him, I have to control my temper, trust him, be honest, and accept."
I mull the words over in my mind, "trust and accept". How do I trust and what exactly am I accepting?
"God, this is so frustrating. And I suppose he expects me to smile and act like everything is okay whenever he does decide to visit. Uhhggg...God this hurts."
It had been three days since Maxon released Natalie from the Selection and allowed America to stay. Although she had seen Maxon a few times during meals, he had remained distant and aloof towards her. He smiled and talked with ease to the others, accepting Celeste's flirtatious advances with a grin and Kriss's perky comments with affection. Even Elsie had been included in conversations, as Maxon asked her questions or solicited her opinion on various topics. But America was ignored by the whole of the royal family and other than the occasional look of smug distain thrown her way by Celeste, she was ignored by the others. If it wasn't for the wait staff placing plates of food in front of her she might have begun to believe that she really was invisible.
Sadness and doubt began to once again engulf America as the Kings words played on her mind and confusion welled as she tried to decipher what exactly Maxon wanted in order to trust her again. She has just returned from another breakfast alone in a room full of people.
Anne walked into America's room just as America tried once again to will the tears away. Anne was worried about her. America had begun to lose weight over the last few weeks, wasn't sleeping well as was apparent from the amount of makeup they now had to apply in the mornings, and was constantly touching or fiddling with the bracelet the Prince had given her. Anne feared that she had given up hope of becoming Prince Maxon's bride.
Anne knew things though. Things that she didn't want to know. She was always careful to remain away from those who were too political, conversations that were too radical and sometimes just plan treasonous. She respected the rules and thanked the fates that she was in a position that kept her and her daughter fed with a roof over their heads and heat in the winter. However, even she could not help but hear the words below the castle in the servant's domain where talk was often of Lady America and her kindness, her bravery, and the change she could bring if she would only win. Anne was uncertain of whether real change could ever come about, but she knew in her heart that the people of Illea would be better off with Lady America as Queen. Anne had come to know Lady America and her kindness and bravery first hand. Anne wasn't a radical or political person, but as she entered Lady America's room and saw the dejected state the Lady was in, she knew she had to do something to assist Lady America and Prince Maxon find each other.
America turned just as Anne entered the room. She flushed a little in embarrassment at the tears, but she reasoned with herself that this was nothing new and Anne must be use to it by now. America placed a smile on her face and asked her friend how her day was going.
Anne looked hesitant to answer but rather than avert her eyes as she tended to do when she knew something that she was not allowed to share, she looked straight at America and seemingly took her time deciding how to answer.
"My day has gone well, Ma'am." Now America was sure something was wrong. Anne never called her Ma'am...never! America's runaway brain started to steam ahead instantaneously providing worse case scenarios and worry over how exactly she was going to deal with it.
Before America's thoughts could truly take on a life of their own, Anne continued speaking. "Lady America, I pride myself on performing my duties to the best of my ability and knowing my place. I actually enjoy what I do and I know that I am quite fortunate in this. There are many who cannot say the same. As a senior member of the staff, I take it upon myself to ensure the younger maids follow protocol and don't get themselves into trouble. I know that you must be aware that if protocol is broken or a maid is in any way seen to be unfit or unsuitable for this position, she will be removed immediately. If the offence is deemed severe, the consequences will be equally severe."
Anne stopped to take a breath and continued to look worriedly at America. America's brain had gone into hyper-drive trying to figure out why Anne was telling her this. The pit of America's stomach had started to turn and the all familiar headache that regularly pounded out a tattoo behind her left eye had started up again.
"Please Anne. Please, tell me what has happened. Who has been removed? Is there anything I can do?"
Anne's face brightened up at this and tears appeared in her eyes, "Lady America, do you have any idea how special you are?"
Confusion swept across America's face, as Anne continued to smile at her. "Um, no", America answered hesitantly.
Anne chuckled, glanced down for a moment, and quick as a blink, transformed back into the no nonsense women America had come to know and respect.
"Lady America, I assure you, no one has been removed. I have information but I am hesitant as one way to keep from getting into trouble is to never repeat what you hear. On occasion we of course have repeated what the other maids may have said when we are milling about or together in the sewing rooms, but this information is offered with care. You may have noticed that we do not freely gossip." Anne stopped and then chuckled softly, "Well, I don't gossip freely and I do my best to curtail any gossiping tendencies of Mary and Lucy. ...What I am trying to say is that, I wish to offer you my insight into what is being said in the lower castes of the palace, so that it may help you in your decision making. Perhaps it will give you hope or maybe strength. It's just that this needs to be done secretly. If it was ever known that I spoke to you about these things, I could possibly be punished."
America didn't know what to say. She stared blankly for a few moments processing what Anne had said. Curious as to what could possibly have been said that would put Anne in harm's way if spoken, rose in America, but flashes of Marlee's tortured hands quickly extinguished the burn of curiosity and replaced it with a stronger need to protect her friend.
America ran to Anne, embracing her in hug. She tried to speak but found herself overcome with emotion. Anne returned the hug although a little hesitantly. Never before had an upper caste member shown such genuine affection and friendship towards her. She knew this was wrong, but America was her friend and she wasn't going to let anyone take that from her.
"Listen to me America...I...mean..Lady America", Anne swallowed hard and blushed at her mistake. America responded promptly saying, "I would like nothing more than to have you call me America. Please, behind these doors, who would know? I mean I call Maxon, Maxon and not Prince Maxon when we are not in public. So why can't you call me America when we are in my bedroom? Please, I would very much like it. It would feel normal. I really, really need some normal in my life."
Anne frowned, and continued to speak again. "Thank you. I won't around the others I think. I just don't feel comfortable but when it is just you and I, I would like that very much. You can also talk to me. You have no one to talk openly with, and I do know what that is like."
America was once again stunned. Who had taken her proper, rigid maid and replaced her with this rule breaker. America giggled a little as she reached for Anne's hands. Giving her hands a gentle squeeze, she smiled broadly and began to speak.
America left out the details of the night of the rebel attack and was careful not share any of the Prince's personal confessions. She simply detailed that Maxon had clearly indicated that he still pictured them together but was now unsure if he could trust her. America had no need to detail the absence of Prince Maxon over the last three days, as her maids had front row seats to the effects of Maxon's rejection.
"I think he is testing me; trying to push me to lash out. He wants me to trust him. But how exactly do I trust someone who wants me to love him but also wants me to accept that he is dating three other girls at the same time, and at least one of them is apparently performing illegal acts upon his person. How does that build trust?!"
"Celeste is performing illegal acts upon the Prince?"
A small grin began to form at the corner of America's mouth as she said, "How did you know I was referring to Celeste?" Both Anne and America looked at one another and burst out laughing.
"Thank you. Thank you so much. I really needed that. To be honest, I don't know what he is doing with Celeste. I caught them once in the back stairwell. I know he isn't doing anything like that with Kris and I highly doubt he is with Elise."
"So is that it. I mean, is that the only reason you're upset with him right now: because he might be doing something with Celeste. The way I see it you have two options: sit here and wallow, convincing yourself that anything good he said to you is no longer true, or get off your high horse, pick yourself up, leave your bedroom with your head held high, and make your needs known to his majesty. He is many things but a mind reader he isn't. If the other girls are hanging on his every word and you are just sitting back pouting, what impression do you think you are making?"
"I don't want to change too much", America said while crossing her arms in front her.
"Well, that's a look of defiance if I have ever seen one. You remind me of my daughter when she was young and I tried to get her to eat green vegetables. She would cross her arms just like that, press her lips together, and shake her head no, while screwing her face up in a mad sort of pout - just like you have." Anne chuckled at this. "America, you need to decide what you want. The Prince is right. He must choose a wife through this Selection. Like it or hate it, this is what you have to work with. You knew this when you arrived and Prince Maxon is simply doing what he is suppose to. Now you need to figure out what your role is in all of this...and if you need help, ask him. I mean, if the two of your can't work together now, how do you expect a marriage to work?"
The door suddenly opened. With a swoosh and a giggle, Lucy and Mary entered carrying a new dress they were clearly excited about. As Mary spotted America and Anne, she suddenly stopped, causing Lucy to run into her. Lucy broke into another fit of giggles. America felt a rush of warm feelings and true thankfulness for her maids. She began to giggle along with Lucy and all of a sudden, things didn't seem so bad. There was hope.