Once upon a time,
Jannete got bored.
She was on the verge of pulling out all her hair,
When Red came to the rescue!
This is the result...

Slightly Screwed-up Fairy Tales: Peter-Stiltskin


Once upon a time in a fabulous castle, lived a very rich king and his daughter.

Harry/king: YES! I am KING! Bow down before my...

AND the king loved his gold. So one day, he asked his daughter to spin him golden thread out of some straw.

Hermione/princess: Spin? Spin, what's spin? Can't I just use my wand?

Harry/king: (whispers) you'd better play along, Herm, did you hear what happened to Sirius when he was in one of these?

When the princess couldn't spin...or, figure out how to.... The Mighty King threw her into the Dungeon.

Hermione/princess: Hey! I'm ROYALTY!

So the king POLITELY ESCORTED the princess into the dungeon.

After a long time, the princess still didn't have the king's golden thread. But, along came a LITTLE man that could help her.

Peterstiltskin: Why do I have to be Rumple-rilt-kin or whatever? Man, I'm always made out to be the short, bad-guys.

QUIT YOUR WHINING, YOU'RE PERFECT FOR THE PART.

Peterstiltskin: (grumpily states) I'll spin your gold for you for a price... You must give me your first born child and then I'll spin your gold.

Hermione/princess: Wait, who's playing the baby, again?

(Draco Malfoy strolls onto the scene with a lace bonnet on looking very cross)

Hermione/Princess: You! Okay, you can have him. Take him away, and get spinning, I wanna get out of here.

BUT, the princess DIDN'T WANT the LITTLE MAN to take away (chuckles a little) her BABY and told him...

Hermione/Princess: Oh, alright-you can have my baby, but I get three tries to guess your name.

Peterstiltskin: Okay, let's get on with it, (I hate being short...)

Hermione/Princess: Man, you are STUPID! Must have a memory like Bertha Jorkins's...Your name is Peter Petigrew.

Peterstiltskin: Yup, you guessed it, now let's end it here, shall we? I hate being little men with really long names!

But the princess's answer was WRONG and so she decided to TRY A DIFFERENT NAME.

Hermione/Princess: okay, okay, I get the hint! Peter, your name is Wormtail.

Peterstiltskin: Man, she's good...I say we end it all here, and give the Princess back her "baby."

Hermione/Princess: Fine with me.

Harry/King: And Wormtail gives Hermione back her "baby" and
We all live happily after...

ONCE AGAIN, THE PRINCESS'S ANSWER WAS INCORECT! So she decided to sleep on it and try again in the morning.

Meanwhile, our little Peterstiltskin was bored too, so he was in the forest dancing and singing. Sailor Snape, who was still eating his Pork-Buns in a tree from Snow Black, heard him.

Peterstiltskin: P-E-T-E-R-S-T-I-L-T-S-K-I-N...man, that's long.... And Peterstiltskin is my name-o...

Keep singing!

Peterstiltskin: *clap* *clap* T-E-R-S-T-I-L-T-S-K-I-N.... Why are you doing this to me?

*About 10 years later*

Peterstiltskin: *clap*clap*clap*clap*clap*clap*clap*clap*clap*clap*clap*clap*clap*clap* and Peterstiltskin is my name-o (that's really lame-o).

Sailor Snape: What? Where's Snow Black?

This is Peterstiltskin-and you're supposed to go to the king's dungeon and tell the princess that Peterstiltskin is the name of that little man who spun her all the golden thread.

Sailor Snape: Oh, okay. Do I get any of the thread?

No, Sailor Snape.

Sailor Snape: Not even for my time?

No. (Sailor Snape reluctantly pockets his pork-buns.)

***

Hermione/princess: So, his name is Peterstiltskin? Okay, but I think I'll say Jonathon because I don't WANT to save Malfoy.

Draco/baby: I can see why...I look like a girl in this. (Picks up bonnet by 2 fingers like it's something totally disgusting.)

Sailor Snape: Hello, Draco. (to Hermione) Do it anyways.

Just then, Peterstiltskin gracefully leapt into the cell.

Peterstiltskin: Okay, bush-head,

Draco/baby: Hey that's my job!

Peterstiltskin: Did you figure my name out yet?

Hermione/princess: Yes, your name is Peterstiltskin.

Peterstiltskin: Thank you, now can we end this?


So the king got his gold, and lived richly ever after,

The princess got out of the dungeon and lived happily ever after,

The princess's son never grew up and lived grimly ever after,

And Sailor Snape got to finish his pork-buns.