Just had a strange idea for a bit of a ficlet so I'm getting it out of my system so that I can get back to what I'm supposed to be doing - which is studying by the way. I think this was probably inspired by Secrets Told and just how badly Ash could take the revelation of Tracey and Gary being in a relationship. Doesn't really end up along those lines, but that is where it came from.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Pokemon. If I did they'd probably have to up the rating (for language you dirty hentais though be warned there is one dodgy line in there).

Something in the Water

"Dammit Gary, why'd you have to be gay?" Ash muttered dramatically.

Gary stared back at the video screen in confusion, wondering how a pleasant conversation with his former rival had suddenly turned into this. He now suspected that all the awkward pleasantries had simply been working their way up to this question that now hung painfully in the air.

"Firstly Ash," Gary began coolly, his eyes narrowing at the dark haired trainer, "I'm not gay – I'm bisexual. And secondly," he added even colder, "I don't see how my sexual orientation has anything to do with you."

At this point Gary would have probably hung up and ended their conversation, but Ash retorted before he got the chance.

"It has everything to do with me," the boy replied dramatically. "Misty won't let it go! She reckons that all the guys in Pallet must be gay – she says there's something in the water. I told her I'm not, and she just said I'm denying my 'carnal urges' and there's nothing to be embarrassed about.

"You have to tell her she's wrong," he finished with an astute nod.

Gary snorted as he tried to hold back louder, longer and more obnoxious laughter. For the past eight years everything in Ash's life had seemed to come down to the same thing, and Gary was almost ashamed of himself for not realizing sooner that this conversation had nothing to do with Gary's sexual preferences and everything to do with the Cerulean gym leader.

"I don't know, maybe she has a point," he said with a smirk, restraining his laughter. He knew Ash wasn't gay – everyone knew Ash wasn't gay mostly because everyone knew there was only one person he showed any romantic or physical interest in and given that she was a 'she' that tended to cement people's judgement on such matters.

"She doesn't," Ash replied darkly, looking around suspiciously as though he was worried that she might hear him.

"Well yeah, it's ridiculous for you to say that someone is gay just because they come from a particular region, but that doesn't mean she's wrong about you," Gary replied, ignoring the dirty looks Ash was giving him. "Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen you on a date or kissing a girl or any of the stuff that straight guys tend to do."

"I'm not gay!" Ash growled.

"Really?" Gary asked as he tried to determine just how much provocation it would take for Ash to admit it aloud. "Then how come you never tried it on with the girls in Pallet? Some of them are pretty easy, and I know for a fact that at least two of them had a crush on you at some point."

"Eww, we were kids."

"You haven't been a kid for at least two years Ketchum," Gary shrugged. "What's your excuse now?"

"Well . . . I . . . uh . . ." Ash stuttered awkwardly before finally admitting it with a groan. "I like someone else."

"A guy someone?" Gary questioned.

"Of course it's not a guy!" Ash exclaimed in frustration. "It's bloody Misty for crying out loud!"

Ash stopped startled, realizing that he had just admitted quite loudly to the entire Pokémon Centre that he had feelings for his best friend. He sunk into his seat, the camera following his moves, and covered his head with his hands.

"If you like her so much why don't you just tell her," Gary said, his voice laced with something akin to sympathy.

"I didn't come here for advice Gary," Ash muttered, not looking up. "I came here so that you would prove it to Misty that I'm not gay. Just tell her you have some sort of 'gaydar' or something."

"No can do Ash. She's only gonna believe it if she see's it for herself," Gary said with a shake of his head. "Just go stick her hands in your pants and ask if it feels gay to her?" he joked, laughing to himself at the prospect.

Ash looked up in shock, both enthralled and appalled by the idea.

"Sorry," Gary said sheepishly, "sometimes I forget that you're all madly in love with her."

"I'm not-" Ash tried to argue but Gary cut him off.

"Here's what you do Ash," Gary told him. "You got a pen and paper?" He waited patiently for Ash to get the required items. "Alright, the next time you see her an she says anything you walk right up to her, kiss her on the lips and say the following – you better be writing this down word for word Ketchum.

"You say: Misty, how can I be gay when I'm forever in love with you?" Gary said smoothly, delivering the line with perfect parsing and feeling. He was well practiced at sweeping girls off their feet. "You got that Ketchum?"

"'How can I be gay when I'm forever in love with you?'" Ash repeated back to him with only half the feeling Gary had managed to put into it. "And that will work?" he asked hopefully.

"Depends what you're trying to get out of it," Gary replied with a shrug, quickly hanging up the phone before Ash could question him further. If luck was on their side, Ash would go through with things before he had a chance to actually think about it, and they'd all be finally free of the awkward touches and hidden looks those two were always sending each other.

Regardless, Gary was sure it was going to be entertaining.

Opportunity arose almost two weeks later at a small party held in Pallet Town. Misty couldn't resist herself.

In her mind, it was all Ash's fault – he had provoked her. She had gone to a lot of extra effort that evening and Ash had barely glanced in her direction (at least not while she was looking). She was frustrated and annoyed and a small part of her actually hoped he was gay, because at least that way he'd be uninterested in girls generally and not her specifically.

So she said it, just to get a rise out of him. Most of the onlookers were aware that Misty did not think Ash was gay, but the boy himself was oblivious to almost everything about her.

"I'm not gay Misty," Ash muttered to her lowly. "How many times do I have to say it? I'm. Not. Gay."

"How does that prove anything?" Misty replied. "It's actually kind of hurtful. You'd think if you were gay you'd at least tell your best friend, even if you were too embarrassed to tell everyone else."

"I don't have to prove it," Ash retorted. "Ever hear of innocent until proven guilty?"

"That only works where innocence is the default position," she replied smartly. "Maybe in Pallet 'gay' is the default position. Must be something in water."

"I'm not gay."

"Prove it," she replied, thinking he'd do something stupid like kissing one of the boys just to shut her up. She hoped someone had a camera ready for just that occurrence.

"Fine then," he replied, Gary's directions hanging in his mind.

He stalked towards her, causing her to back up against the wall. Her heart fluttered wildly in anticipation, but her eyes just glared up at him daring him to make his move.

He leaned in close to her, his lips mere millimetres away from her own. And then he spoke in a low voice, "If I'm gay Misty then you must be a guy given that I seem to be in love with you."

A small gasp escaped her throat, but Ash blocked its release by encasing her mouth with his own. Her eyes fluttered shut as her lips seemed to move against his of their own fruition and her arms snaked their way around his neck. She felt him ease her away from the wall and into his arms, and she was pretty sure she had her proof when she felt his tongue dive into her mouth and move against her own.

A flash of light was what finally broke them apart. A crowded room started at them in awe, while Gary Oak told anyone that would listen that Ash had 'fucked up his perfect line'.

Misty glared at the room, silently cursing them for interrupting them. "Can't a girl make out with the guy she loves without making a show of it?" she asked them moodily, finally causing them to look away. "Come on Ash," she muttered to the guy in question as she tugged him away to a more secluded spot where he could show her just how gay he wasn't.

The End

Not nearly as fluffy as I'm used to writing, but it's out of my head now.

Review.