Author's Note: Obviously this is an All Human story. It is rated NC-17 for lemons. The content will touch on BDSM and Dom/sub relationships, it will veer away from BDSM to a male led relationship that includes RARE Domestic Discipline. There will be a willing power exchange, but I am taking substantial liberties and the final version of J/N relationship will not adhere to what most would consider a BDSM relationship. This will eventually be a Jake/Nessie fic, but she's just a kid at this point. Public reviews get previews of the next chapter. Please Read & Review. I'll love you forever.
Special thanks to my PTB betas: onlybythenight1, korinneraylie, and tsenna-true
Disclaimer: Twilight and all its characters are the property of the talented Stephenie Meyers – I am just playing in her world for a while.
Enjoy.
Death
Jake POV
July 4th, 2008.
Bella and I visited Port Angeles to watch the fireworks and then back to La Push for a Bonfire with my friends. Late in the evening she received a call on her cell phone from Esme. She smiled and walked away from the fire. I kept an eye on her. She spoke quietly for about thirty seconds and then started sobbing suddenly. I jumped up from my seat and ran over to her. "Are they okay?" she asked. She started to collapse, hyperventilating, but I grabbed her before she hit the ground. I pried the phone from her and held her to my chest while she sobbed.
"Shh... Sweetheart, I'll take care of this," I said to Bella and then spoke into the phone, "this is Jake." I needed to figure out what happened.
"Jake, it's Esme."
"What happened? Why's Bella's so upset?"
"Renee and Phil were hit by a drunk driver while driving to pick up May. Phil passed on impact. Renee's in surgery – her chances of survival are slim."
"I understand; what's the plan?" I needed to figure out the specifics so I could take care of my girl. I remembered how I felt when Charlie came and informed us that Mom had died. I pushed aside the memory to concentrate on Bella.
"Well, obviously Bella and I need to get to Jacksonville as soon as possible to be there for Renee and May. Can you bring Bella to our place? I don't think she should be driving right now."
"No problem – we'll be there in about twenty minutes." I cradled the phone with my shoulder, lifted Bella bridal style, and walked toward my car. I needed to be strong and stay calm for Bella.
"Okay Jake, I'm going to make flight arrangements while you're on your way. Are you going with us?"
"Yeah, I think I should be there for Bells."
"Okay, I'll see you shortly."
"Wait! Did you call Charlie yet?"
"No, I called Bella as soon as I got the call. Do you want to call him or should I?"
"No. Please call him. I need to focus on Bella."
"I understand. I'll let him know." She paused. "Jake, have you been drinking tonight? I don't want you to drive if you have."
"No, we haven't had anything to drink tonight."
"Be careful."
"I will. We'll be there shortly."
"See you then, Jake, thanks." I set Bella on her feet and held her steady with one arm.
"No problem." I hung up the phone and dropped it in Bella's purse. "Bella, we're going to Esme's then we'll head out from there."
She nodded woodenly. I wasn't even sure she heard me.
I held her in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry about all this, babe. We're going to Jacksonville."
She nodded, but said nothing. She seemed to be in shock. I sat her down in the car and drove as fast as I could to her Aunt and Uncle's house. I held her hand the whole time while she cried. There was nothing I could say to comfort her.
When we arrived at Esme's house I opened the door for her. "Are you okay to walk?"
She nodded. I took her hand and we slowly walked into the house.
Bella was immediately hugged by everyone while they offered words of sympathy. The house was a flurry of activity; Esme was busy in the kitchen while Carlisle talked loudly on the phone. Emmett and I busied ourselves making sure Bella was okay, all while Alice ran around like a mad woman upstairs, packing bags. After a few moments Charlie showed up, grabbed Bella and held her tight.
Esme called to Emmett, "Em, do you mind lending Jake some clothes?"
"No, Mom, of course not."
She nodded and then turned to me. "Jake, you and Emmett head upstairs and figure out what fits you and what needs to be altered or bought in Florida."
Emmett and I headed up to his room where Alice had already laid out a suitcase and garment bag. Esme walked in moments later and grabbed four of Emmett's suits and handed them to me. "Jake, try these on. I know they'll be a bit short, but I'm hoping there is enough material for me to let out the arms and legs a couple inches."
"Okay." I took the suits and headed into the bathroom. The suits fit with the exception of the lengths of the arms and legs. I stepped out in each one for Esme to look at. After trying them all on, she looked carefully at the hems of the pants and the sleeves of the jackets. She declared that two of them would work and laid them on the garment bag with a tape measure and sewing kit. She then added the other two to the top for Emmett.
"Okay, Jake, what size shoes do you wear?" she asked.
"Thirteen," I stated.
"Em, what size are you?"
"Twelve," he replied.
"Alice," Esme called toward the hallway, "add size thirteen shoes to your list to buy."
"It's on the list now, Esme, thanks," Alice called back.
"Can you boys find some suitable casual clothes?"
We nodded.
"OK, I'll leave you to it then. I'll leave the suitcases here. Don't forget to pack sneakers and flip-flops; it's excruciatingly muggy in Jacksonville this time of the year. I need to go pack for Carlisle and I. Our flight leaves at six in the morning. Alice will take care of all toiletries and her and Bella's clothes. We need to leave the house in thirty minutes." She turned to leave the room and then spun around to say, "Jake, you should probably call Billy to let him know what's happened and ask him to let your work know that you're going out of town."
I nodded and then called Billy to let him know.
Emmett and I gathered several clothing changes and I tossed on some of his khaki shorts and a tee shirt. Alice flitted into Emmett's room a few times, gathered his toiletries, checked our packing, approved and zipped our bags, then said, "Jake, when we get to Florida, I need you to go shopping with me for shoes and dress shirts."
I nodded. I just wanted to get back downstairs to support Bella. Normally, the idea of shopping with Alice would have terrified me, but there were bigger things to worry about.
I got back downstairs and Bella was seated with Charlie on the couch. Carlisle was holding out a pill to her.
"Bella, this is a Xanax. I'll write you a prescription but I'll give you one now and one on the flight; it will help you calm down and hopefully help you to sleep. We can get the prescription filled in Florida if you need."
She took the pill and the water from him and swallowed it.
"Sweetheart, we will take care of you and May. We need to leave now to make it to the airport in time. Charlie is staying here for now," Carlisle explained as he hugged her gently.
I waited by Bella's side while she said goodbye to Charlie.
Charlie looked up at me and said, "Take care of my girl, Jake. She'll need your support."
"I will, Charlie," I stated simply.
I walked Bella out to the car and settled into the back with her. We all settled in for the four hour ride, Esme handed out snacks for those who wanted to eat but most everyone slept. Carlisle spoke to me softly during the drive and told me to be sure to sleep on the plane since I would need some sleep to take the upcoming stress. No one had told May yet; they had decided it would be better to break the news in person. I promised to get some sleep.
Alice saw a store at Sea-Tac and dragged me in there to buy shoes, dress shirts, and boxers. I didn't even glance at the stuff she grabbed me. I didn't care much, but it meant I would be more available for Bella in Florida. I slept through the flight with Bella snoozing against me. I concentrated on making sure Bella was okay every time I woke up. I made sure she was fed and comfortable. I didn't know how bad things would get in Jacksonville; I was worried about everyone's stress levels and especially Bella's. I just kept reminding myself that I could take care of her.
~*O*~
Renesmee (May) POV
Jacksonville, July 5th afternoon
Last night my Mom and Dad never made it to pick me up from Cindy's house. Her parents received a call around two am, a couple hours after Mom and Dad were supposed to pick me up and let me know that something had come up and I would be spending the night. In the morning they seemed very sad and suggested Cindy and I spend the day in the pool. A bit before five pm Cindy's mom called us in and told us to get dressed for dinner.
At five-fifteen, Cindy's mom answered the door and I saw my aunt, uncle, and sister with the rest of their family behind them. I could tell from their faces something was wrong. I froze.
Bella and Aunt Esme came over and circled me in a hug.
Aunt Esme spoke softly, "Renesmee, sweetheart, your mom and dad were in an accident last night. Your mom is in the hospital. She had surgery this morning and may need more surgeries. We need to bring you to see her."
"What about Daddy?" I asked. Bella was breathing heavily as if she was holding back tears.
"I'm so sorry, sweetie, but your daddy didn't make it." I collapsed in their arms, sobbing. "We came as soon as we could. We need to go to the hospital and check on your mom."
Emmett came over and picked me up walking to the car. I sat in the back with Bella and her boyfriend, Jake. She held onto me while we cried. Uncle Carl drove us to the hospital and we went to the ICU.
Aunt Esme, Bella, and I went in to visit Mommy. She was pale and cold and her face was stitched in multiple places. She was hooked to a breathing machine and had wires and tubes all over her.
I just kept saying, "Mommy, you need to be okay. I love you, Mommy. I need you." I prayed to God, Jesus, and Mary that she would be okay. I needed her to come back to me.
I took my Rosary out of my purse and carefully wrapped it around Mommy's hand. I was praying the Rosary in my head. Esme asked if I wanted her beads and if I wanted the family to join me. I said I did, she told me the doctors needed to look in on Mom and we would go say the Rosary as a family in the waiting room.
Alice went to buy Rosaries and handed them to everyone while Esme began explaining the process. Esme led us all through the various prayers and gave a book to Emmett and Alice to read the prayers from. She then asked me which mysteries I wanted us to pray, "May, do you want to do the Joyful, Luminous, Sorrowful, or Glorious mysteries?"
"Can we do them all or is that too much for everyone?"
"How about we do one as a family first, and then anyone who wants to keep praying with us can stay for the other three? We can start with the Luminous mysteries for hope," she suggested gently.
I nodded in agreement.
Esme explained that the Luminous mysteries exist to recall that Jesus is the Light of the World and we hope for Jesus' light to shine upon us and all people. After we prayed with everyone, Esme suggested that she, I, and anyone else who wanted to join us pray aloud in Mommy's room now that the doctors were done while Carlisle got a full report on Mommy's condition. Jake and Bella joined us in the room to pray the Joyful, Sorrowful, and Glorious Mysteries.
When we were done Uncle Carl asked us to join him in the waiting area so he could explain what was going on with Mommy.
Uncle Carl began, "Renee got here at about one am and she was immediately rushed to surgery. She sustained multiple broken bones but they were more concerned about her internal injuries. She had a ruptured spleen and several of her ribs were broken. She also has a head injury, which is causing brain swelling. She had a reaction to the anesthetic and her lungs filled with fluid while she was under. She is in a coma for now and will remain that way until she can at least breathe on her own. Her chances of survival are not good and there's a strong possibility that even if she regains her ability to breathe that the brain swelling will have caused permanent, irreparable damage and possible brain death. I am so sorry, but I need you all to hang in there for each other and hope for the best." Bella and I both collapsed into each others' arms and cried.
"How long until we know, Carlisle?" Esme asked.
"If we don't see the swelling go down in two to three days, they will run brain function tests and we will know more." Carlisle came over and gently hugged my sister and me. "Don't give up hope, girls."
The next two days were torture. Everyone supported Bella and me, and we all prayed together. Bella and Esme took the time to visit Daddy's remains in the morgue. Esme offered to bring me as well, but I didn't think I could see Daddy dead; I wanted to remember him the way he lived not the way he died. I learned that a drunk driver was responsible and was arrested for killing my Daddy. Jake told me that he lost his Mom when he was a kid, and if I ever wanted to talk he would be there for me. Emmett and Alice tried to distract me, but I just needed to be with Mommy whenever I could. We stayed at my house and spent fifteen to eighteen hours a day at the hospital with Mommy.
On the third day, Uncle Carl sat down with us again and explained the test results.
"Bella, May, Renee's tests showed no brain function. They weren't able to get the swelling to go down. I am so sorry girls. We can keep her on life support for a while, but she won't recover." I was numb, I couldn't even react. "Bella, I am sorry to put you in this position, but legally you are the next of kin, since Renee and Phil had no will and no other relatives besides us. You can make the decision or Esme and I can make it with your permission."
"No!" I screamed. "We need to wait! We need a priest!"
Esme scooped me up into a hug and spoke, "Of course we'll get a priest, sweetheart, and you'll have plenty of time to say goodbye, but eventually we all need to let go."
"May," Carlisle asked, "what parish do you and your parents attend? I'll get a priest over as soon as possible."
"Immaculate Conception," I answered automatically.
"Okay, dear, why don't you and Bella go in and spend some time with Renee. Bella, let me know what you want to do when you are ready; I know this is hard," Uncle Carl said softly as he left the room.
A few hours later a priest came and administered last rights and prayed with us. He advised Bella and I about last rights and offered to come back and pray with us when we were ready to let go of Mommy. Bella and I talked and agreed to let her go the next day after everyone had some private time to say goodbye. Everyone would have whatever time they needed with Mommy the next day and then we would all say goodbye in the afternoon and let her pass at sunset because Mom loved sunsets.
I spent an hour in private telling Mom what a great mother she was and how amazing she was. I talked about the dreams we had and my plan to live life to the fullest and to always keep her and Daddy in my heart. I told her how much I loved her and how I would never forget her.
That evening we gathered with the family and the priest. The doctor came in and turned off the breathing machine as the sun was setting. A few minutes later he said, "Time of death, 8:32 pm, July eighth, 2008."
"Goodbye, Mommy!" I cried out while someone carried me out.
~*O*~
JPOV
The fourth day in Jacksonville, we said goodbye to Renee. I couldn't believe the strength the girls displayed. I remembered losing my mom, and while I wish I had extra time to say goodbye to her, I can't even imagine making the decisions Bella and May were making. Bella took May's input into consideration, but ultimately she made all of the decisions. She was so strong and I was just helping support them both. Bella needed me, but she was much more worried about her little sister than herself. When May broke down as Renee passed, I picked her up and carried her from the room. She had already witnessed so much and I remembered what she had said the other day about how she didn't want her last memory of her father to be him laying in the morgue. I knew Bella needed more time to say goodbye and May needed to be a kid. She needed someone else to take the burden and carry her for a while, like my sisters carried me when my mom passed. I brought her to the waiting room and held her while she cried. Emmett and Alice followed me out shortly after and offered to take her, but I just shook my head and waited for Bella.
Bella was the last one to leave her mom's side. She wrapped her arms around both May and I and thanked me. I just told her I knew how it felt and would always be there for her and that I loved her.
Carlisle called the attorneys to inquire if Renee and Phil had a will while Esme worked on making funeral arrangements and notifying friends and co-workers. Emmett and I spent what time wasn't spent helping Esme or Alice comforting and distracting Bella and May.
Carlisle learned that Renee and Phil did not have a will. Bella was Renee's next of kin and May was Phil's only living relative, but she wasn't old enough legally, so Esme and Bella would have to make the decisions for May. Technically, Bella became May's legal guardian but she didn't know if she was ready to care for a twelve year old when she was only nineteen. Bella asked Esme to be the primary caregiver for May until she could fully commit to taking care of May. Esme happily agreed, but made Bella promise not to drop out of college so she could support her little sister. Bella and May would split the proceeds of any assets with one-quarter going to Bella and three-quarters going into a trust for May to access after she came of age. The split was decided on because Bella wanted to make sure May would be the only beneficiary of Phil's assets. Esme packed up May's belonging and any other belongings that May or Bella wanted to keep. She then cataloged the remainder of the household for sale to an auction house. I was somewhat surprised by Esme and Alice's efficiency at the task of inventorying and packing, but Esme said she and Renee had done this many times as her elder relatives passed away over the years. Esme made arrangements with the auction house to sell the estate a month later when she could return to Jacksonville and oversee the sale of all items.
The wake was held on July tenth, the Funeral Mass was held on the eleventh, and the family decided Renee and Phil would be buried in Forks so that May and Bella could visit anytime, so the burial would be held on the twelfth. Charlie came to town for the wake and funeral. Phil and Renee had hundreds of friends who came to pay their respects. I just hovered by the girls to prevent them from being overwhelmed by the friends of their parents. All viewings were closed casket because of the extent of the injuries and for May's comfort.
The girls once again amazed me with their strength. They were cordial and polite to every person they spoke to and Bella had no emotional breakdowns. I had to escort May from the room a couple of times to give her some space away from people, but for a girl of her age she was amazingly strong. I made sure to make time to pray every day with May because she needed someone who was happy to pray with her and who understood and believed in her faith. I knew Bells would pray with her, but I also knew Bells didn't really believe in her mom's religion, which was one of the reasons she left Jacksonville to come to Forks. May was like a little sister to me and if I could, I would make it so that she was officially my little sister one day.
Carlisle and Esme gave May a cell phone with all of our numbers in it so she could call us anytime she wanted. We were all healing and supporting each other. Every day May would call me at six am and eight pm to say a Rosary together. Some evenings we would pray together at the house since Bella was staying there to support May during the summer. On Sundays I brought May to St. Anne's Catholic Church in Forks while Esme and Carlisle attended St. Andrew's Episcopal Church in Port Angeles. Bella usually made us brunch afterward at Charlie's house since she didn't attend religious services. May and I spent a lot of time talking about the loss of her parents and my mom.
At the end of summer, I moved in to Alice and Bella's apartment in Seattle. I began school at South Seattle Community College studying Automotive Repair with a minor in Business. I was planning on opening my own repair shop when I finished my degree. Bella and Alice were in their junior years at UW. Bella was studying Journalism and Alice was studying Communications, so many of their classes were the same. I was also working at a Seattle garage twenty hours a week. Alice worked as an intern at a wedding planning firm and Bella was working as an intern at the Seattle times.
May and I still prayed together twice a day over the phone and Bella and I went home for the weekends so we could visit our families. May and I kept attending Mass together. Bella was happy someone could join May and May wouldn't have to feel guilty about dragging Esme to church while the rest of the family attended a different church. So even though Bella and I moved to Seattle, we still managed to provide stability for her sister.
~*O*~
Mid December 2008
Since Phil and Renee passed my sex life had been virtually nonexistent. I knew Bella needed time and space, so I did my best to be the supportive boyfriend she needed, but damn I was lucky if we had sex twice a month. Before we always made time at least twice a week, even when she lived in Seattle and I was in La Push. I tried to be romantic several times over the fall after her parents death, making her meals, giving her massages, playfully approaching her. The majority of the time she would blow me off and say she didn't have time or was too tired or had a headache.
I finally decided we needed to talk about it in December since finals were over and we were heading home for a few weeks. I started kissing her neck when I walked in the house.
"Mmmm..." she moaned.
Maybe we wouldn't need to talk.
"I love you," I whispered in her ear.
"Jake," she whispered, "we don't have time right now. We need to get the apartment closed up for the break."
Damn it! We did need to talk and now I had a fucking hard on.
I pulled away and sighed in frustration. "Bella, we need to talk."
"What about?"
"This!"
"What do you mean?"
How could she not see it? I groaned. "Bella, how can you not see it? Our relationship is falling apart."
"Excuse me!" she huffed at me. "Just because I say no to sex one time you claim our relationship is falling apart. What the fuck, Jake!"
One time? What. The. Fuck! Now I was livid.
"Not just one time Bella!" I sighed in frustration, trying to keep my temper in check. "Do you know how many times we've had sex since July?"
"No... I don't keep count," she sneered.
"Take a guess," I demanded
"I don't know probably about once a week." She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.
"No, Bells, not even close," I said shaking my head despondently.
"Well, since it seems so important to you, how many times have we then?" she snapped snidely.
I spoke slowly and forcefully, "Once in August, once on your birthday in September, twice in October, and once in November. I've also gone down on you twice since July. That's about all the action we've had since July." I held up one hand to add emphasis. "Five times, Bella, and twice at third base in five and a half months."
"Are you sure?" she asked, obviously shocked.
I nodded and rubbed my hand over my face. I really hated having to confront her about this, but I was tired of not connecting with her.
"I knew I was less interested, but I didn't think it was that bad." Her lip was starting to quiver. She was stopping herself from crying.
I instantly felt bad for making her sad. "Bella, I'm not saying this to make you feel bad or guilty. I want to know what is going on. I need you to talk to me so we can fix it. I love you." I reached out and pulled her into a hug. "Bells, we've been together three years and I don't want to throw that away. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to fix our relationship. I love you more than anything."
"I love you too, Jake," she tightened her arms around my waist.
"Okay, so what's going on with you?" I asked gently. "We haven't talked as much as we used to since your mom died. I'm trying my hardest to give you what you need."
"I'm just having trouble opening up since Mom died."
I stepped back to make eye contact, but kept my hands on her shoulders. "I know, sweetheart, please just talk to me about it. I tried being closer, asking about every detail of your life, but that didn't work to get you to open up to me, I tried backing off and giving you space, but you didn't get any better, so now I am trying the direct approach. Just tell me how you feel."
"I am fucking angry!" she snapped. I hoped she was just finally getting this out and that she wasn't that pissed at me.
"Okay," I said gently. "Who are you angry at?"
"The driver because he had to go out and drink that night," she ranted. "I'm angry at everyone; I'm mad at Charlie for being a bastard to my mom so she left him and moved on to Phil. I'm mad at Phil for not being able to avoid the accident. I'm angry at Mom for leaving me. I'm pissed at myself for not staying in Jacksonville when I was a teenager. I could have had so many more years with her." I could tell she wasn't done.
"Anyone else?"
"Yeah!" she raged, "I'm angry at my sister who doesn't deserve any anger. She's just a little girl."
"What are you angry at her about?" I pressed, knowing she needed to get it all off her chest even if it was hard.
"For being the reason my mom went out that night. Why couldn't she just stay at home with Mom and Phil?" She sobbed.
"Is that everything?" I asked.
"No," she said quietly.
"I know you're angry at me too. Just tell me; I can take it."
"I'm angry at you because somehow even with all of us grieving you always seem happy. I'm angry at you because you're bringing light into my world when I want darkness." She balled her hands into fists. "I'm angry you're spending time with my little sister. I'm angry that you have faith even after everything that happened in Florida. I'm angry you're encouraging my baby sister to believe in a God who let us down when he took my mom."
I was a little confused. "Do you want me to stop doing those things?" I asked softly.
"No, I want you to do all those things, but for some reason I'm pissed that you can and I can't." The gates on her emotions had been released and she broke down, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Let it out." I held her and rubbed her back. "It's okay. You need to be angry sometimes." I just soothed her until she quieted. "So do you want to talk about any of that more in depth? I have some things to say if you're ready to listen."
"Yeah, I guess."
I pulled two chairs out from the table and put them face to face with about a foot and a half between them. "In my house we call the position of these chairs, 'going toe to toe.' Take a seat." She sat in one and I sat in the other. "It forces you to make eye contact and deal with your problems head on. Dad used to make the twins and I do it whenever we had a fight. He said it was a rule Mom instituted that she learned from an old married couple who did it at least once a month, since they both were too passive to deal with their issues otherwise."
She nodded.
"Anyway," I began, "let me explain my attitude for the past few months. I'm never gonna be the kind of person to fall into a deep depression and mourn publicly. I did it once, when my mom died, but eventually I realized it wasn't gonna get me anywhere and I better start finding the bright side of things or I was gonna be miserable forever.
"Rebecca let her grief eat her alive and finally she had to run from La Push rather than deal with the pain from the loss of our mom. Rachel wasn't much better. She was always sad, but eventually she threw herself into school and just kept so busy that she didn't have time to be sad. I choose to find happiness because that's what my mom would want me to do. I like being able to determine my own path and push the people I love to choose their paths as well.
"Happiness can be found in even the darkest times if you just know where to look. Phil and Renee's deaths were a tragic accident and the only person at fault for those deaths is the drunk driver. If I only looked at the negative I would be upset too. It is truly sad that those beautiful lives were cut short and that you and May unfairly lost the time you should have had with them both. However, I think you may have missed some important things during the death and the funeral because you were so busy being strong for everyone. Bella, did you notice how many hundreds of people came to show their love for Phil and Renee in Jacksonville? Did you see how much effort Carlisle, Emmett, and Alice put into saying prayers they don't believe in to support May in her time of need? Alice is a Baptist and Carlisle and Emmett are Episcopalians. They don't believe in the Hail Mary, much less Hail Holy Queen, but they never uttered a complaint. You were raised in a faith you don't put much stock in, but my Dad always says once a Catholic always a Catholic. You at least respect the prayers and understand them. May needed that support and everyone in the room willingly set aside their personal beliefs to support her. Do you even know how much money Carlisle and Esme spent without ever mentioning it? Those plane tickets were first class; they're around $1500 a piece and they bought six in one direction and seven for the return. That is more money than I make in a year and they did that for you without a second thought; and that was just the cost of the flights. You also may not have considered how the funeral arrangements were financed, but what you didn't see was that Carlisle took care of all of it. He said that he wanted all the money from the estate, insurance policies, and any future settlements to go to you girls. I also noticed about twenty-five flower arrangements at the funeral parlor and church from friends and coworkers who came to pay their respects. You and May are loved. I saw that during our time in Jacksonville. I always knew you were both loved, but I certainly witnessed it then.
"People loved Phil and Renee and they love you and May too.
"You can't change the decisions you've already made, like choosing to live with your dad. You shouldn't live with regrets. You should accept the things that happened and move forward, learning and growing from those decisions and events. You made a choice when you were thirteen to come live in Forks. You made that choice because you didn't want to go to a catholic high school and your mom didn't want you exposed to drugs and drinking at the public school. You made that choice and I'd hope that you're happy with the things you gained from that choice.
"You gained quality time with your dad. You gained two best friends in me and Alice. You developed a stronger relationship with your Aunt and Uncle. You still had an excellent relationship with your mom and you got to go to public school in a small environment with your dad as chief of police. You weren't forced to hold onto a faith you didn't believe in and your mom and step-dad were so proud of you.
"Where would Alice be if you hadn't come to Forks and met her that first day of school? Do you really think that she would've had some other friend to turn to when her parents were arrested and convicted? Esme and Carlisle only wanted to adopt her because you told them about what happened. How many other couples would've been happy to take in a fifteen year old girl whose parents had just been accused of drug trafficking by the FBI? She could've ended up stuck in the system and permanently damaged but you saved her, Bella. That decision to come to Forks when you were thirteen saved Alice. Would you trade mine and Alice's friendship for more time in Jacksonville when you weren't happy there? Your mom loved you and supported the decision you made; she even sent May here for entire summers to stay with Carlisle and Esme so you two could spend summers together.
"Do you understand all that?"
"Yeah, I guess I just hadn't considered it all that way." She sighed. "Now what are we going to do about us?" She raised her eyes at me.
"Bells, I love you and I'm just happy we could finally talk. I'll give you all the time you need to deal with this if you just keep the communication lines open. I can wait for sex if you need more time."
"No, Jake, I think we need to make love tonight. I need to take care of you tonight. You took care of me for the last several months." She stood up and walked toward the bedroom. She glanced over her shoulder, "You coming?" I was so excited I leaped out of the chair and knocked over the other in my rush to get to her. I focused on her ass swaying in her tight jeans, imagining how good it would feel to finally sink deep inside her tight pussy.
When I got to the bedroom I pulled Bella into my arms and she wiggled her ass against me. I was already getting hard. I kissed her neck and shoulders from behind.
I growled into her ear, "I need you, Bells."
"I know." She leaned her body against me.
"Fuck, Bells." I slid my hands under her tank top and palmed her tits.
"Mmmm..." she moaned while continuing to rub against my cock. She spun in my arms and kissed me passionately. I rubbed her back and licked her lips. She dropped away from my lips and began kissing down my jaw. She lifted my shirt for me to take off. I removed it while her kisses trailed lower. She kissed down my chest and abs while her hands worked at my belt and pants. She finally released my pants and dragged my zipper down with her hands at the same time her lips kissed just below my navel.
"Oh – Bella – you are so fucking hot. Can you take your shirt off so I can see your tits while you do this?"
She removed her tank top and bra and went back to kissing and licking my abs while she worked my boxers down my legs. She settled onto her knees in front of me and took my cock in her soft hands and started stroking it.
"Mmm... Jake you are so big. I want to do so many things to you..." She stared at my cock practically worshiping it. "Jake... tell me what you want..."
"I want you to suck my fucking cock now!" She took my member into her hot wet mouth and looked up at me while her hands continued to touch my balls, legs and abs. "Ohhh... Bella!"
"Mmmm..." she hummed around my dick. I grabbed her hair into a ponytail so I could see her and guide her. She relaxed her throat and took me in deeper until her nose was buried in my hair.
"Oh! Fuck, babe! You have no idea how good that feels." She worked me in and out of her mouth while she ran her tongue hard against the underside of my shaft and head; all the way, in and out, over and over. I started to push her deeper and faster. She remained relaxed and let me control the pace. She massaged my balls with her hand. I could feel my muscles starting to tense and the pressure building in my abs and balls. "Bells... I'm gonna cum!" I moaned. She hummed and increased her suction and the speed of her tongue while maintaining her thrusting pace.
I released into her mouth and she kept sucking and swallowing until she had sucked me dry.
I picked her up off the floor and laid her on the bed and held her for a few minutes. I drew soft circles on her breasts while we both caught our breath. "Bells, Babe, what do you want to do this time? Your choice, I need to reward you for that fucking awesome blow job."
"I need to be dominated tonight. Please tie me up and fuck me hard."
I moaned. I really didn't want to be rough tonight, but if that's what she needed I'd give it to her. I drew circles on her nipples and kissed her, thinking about what I wanted to do tonight. If it were up to me we'd make slow, passionate love, but she needed me to be hard. We had rough sex a couple times a month before her mom died and I knew that was how she liked it. I made a plan then got up. Then reminded her of our safe word, "Say, 'Red,' if I get too rough, Babe."
"Of course." She smiled seductively.
I headed over to the dresser and got out some silk cords we kept for this purpose. I saw the blindfold beside the cords so I grabbed that too. "Take the rest of your clothes off, Bells, and then I'll take control." She removed her pants and underwear. She lay across our bed totally relaxed.
I took her head, smoothed down her hair and slid the blindfold on. She sighed contentedly. I raised her arms above her head to bind her wrists together and tie them to the center of the headboard. I then took each of her legs and tied them to the corners at the foot of the bed.
"I love looking at you like this laid out and glistening for me. I know you want me, but I think I need to hear you say it with those slutty lips."
"I need you to fuck me, Jacob."
"Who do you belong to, slut?"
"You."
"Say my name, slut!" I commanded.
"Jacob Black. I belong to Jacob Black," she called out. I started gently kissing and nipping at her tits. Her nipples went hard immediately. I rolled her nipple hard between my teeth until she cried out and then I moved to the other. I teased her pussy with my fingers gently. I stroked her soft wet lips and circled her clit until she was whimpering in need.
"My, my! You are so wet, my little slut. I bet you can't wait for my cock to fill that tight little pussy."
"I need you in my pussy... Please... I need you in me... I love you so much and I need you to fuck me so bad... It's been too long, Jake... Please give me what I need," she begged.
I went to the foot of the bed and released the knots on the foot posts. I pushed her a bit toward the headboard and flipped her over so she was on her stomach. I lifted her hips so she was kneeling with her upper body stretched out and her chest against the bed. I blew on her pussy lips. She shuddered.
"Stay in this position or I'll tie your legs up, slut?"
"I can stay."
"Good. You've been a naughty little slut. Do you think I should show you what naughty sluts get?"
"Whatever you want to give me or do to me."
I spanked her a few times across the ass and then thrust into her quickly. "That's what I think you need!"
She was so incredibly tight since we hadn't had sex in over a month. "Fuck! You're so fucking tight! I've missed you so fucking much." I kept pounding a punishing rhythm into her pussy. I bit her shoulder while I fucked her and she cried out. I controlled her pace, her position, and her pleasure. I would alternate between fast and slow, bringing her to the edge of orgasm and then backing off. After about thirty minutes we were both sweating and moaning and I wrapped my arm around and began to rub her clit. She climbed steadily toward her orgasm and finally tightened around my throbbing, thrusting cock. I felt her release and I released into her a second later while she was still pulsing around me.
I held her until we both relaxed and then pulled out and untied her rubbing her wrists and ankles gently.
"I love you, Babe."
"I love you too, Jake."
We kissed and cuddled until we heard Alice enter the apartment a while later. We got up and helped get the apartment cleaned up and shut down for break.
The next several months went better. We maintained our routines, but Bella and I talked more and had more sex. She seemed to be getting better emotionally, but I noticed she preferred to be restrained or dominated most of the time. We rarely made love and when we did it was my idea. She seemed to have shifted from no sex to rough sex and fucking in her interests. I enjoyed the sex and the power rush immensely, but sometimes I wondered if I could ever be happy with Bella if she didn't want to connect in a truly loving way. May and I were becoming close friends and it was nice having a little sister in my life. I had always been the baby in my family so it was nice to be able to be a role model for a kid. I was helping her work through her grieving and in many ways she was helping me finally be able to deal with some of the issues I hadn't dealt with from my mom's death.