Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters or situations you recognize in this story. They belong to JK Rowling.

After the Veil

By Neurotica

Numb

Lupin walked numbly through the front door of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place alone. Without knowing where he was going, his tired feet carried him through the deserted house and down to the basement kitchen. The shabby former professor collapsed into a chair and stared at the empty grate of the fireplace.

He couldn't think, he couldn't feel. All he could do was sit and stare. He couldn't recall how he had gotten from the Ministry of Magic to the house but he had.

The sound of the front door snapping shut made his ears perk automatically, but it was not enough to snap him from the coldness that had overcome him.

Footsteps down the kitchen stairs... a pause... a sigh... footsteps crossing the room... the scrape of a chair across the concrete floor... someone sitting heavily.

Whoever was in the room with Lupin was staring hard at him—even through his daze he could feel it. It took all the strength he had to turn his head and look at Kingsley Shacklebolt. For a moment, neither wizard said a word; Lupin couldn't even if he had wanted to, and Shacklebolt looked as if he couldn't find words for the moment.

"Everyone's fine," Shacklebolt finally said in that soothing deep voice of his.

Lupin looked at him as if seeing him for the first time in his life.

Shacklebolt must have realized what he had said, because he quickly added, "The kids, I mean." Lupin felt his head nod and move back to the direction of the fireplace grate. "Dumbledore's coming by later today after he talks with Harry."

Again, Lupin nodded automatically.

The two Order members sat at the kitchen table in complete silence for an hour. Finally, Shacklebolt slowly stood and said, "I'm going to St. Mungo's to check on Mad-Eye and Tonks. You want to come along?"

"No," said Lupin's hoarse voice.

"Okay. I'll see you later, Remus."

With that, Lupin was alone once more.

Another few hours flew by and Lupin hadn't moved a muscle. He didn't think he could move if he tried. But eventually, he somehow managed to stand. His legs were shaking so badly that he wouldn't be surprised if he collapsed on the way up to his bedroom.

Somehow, though, he made it. He opened the door and entered. The book he had been reading before... well, before Snape had contacted them was still lying open on his bed.

Lupin sat on the edge of the bed and looked around. Nothing looked the same as it had before. Then it just seemed like an old dark house. Now, though... now it had the feel of a prison. A prison whose walls were closing in fast, making breathing a rather difficult exercise.

This must have been what he felt like... Lupin thought sadly.

Without changing his clothes, without taking off his shoes, Lupin collapsed on the bed and sleep graciously arrived moments later.

"He's been in there for days," whispered a worried voice.

"You don't think he's..." whispered another.

"No... no, I'm sure he's fine. He's just experienced a terrible loss. Perhaps we should leave him be," said a third voice.

Lupin liked the third voice the best.

Lupin slowly opened his eyes and raised his head to look at the door. He could see three shadows just under the crack in the doorframe. It took him a minute to realize what he was still doing in his clothes and shoes, and why people were whispering just outside his door.

As the first voice said, "I'm checking on him," what happened that horrible night hit Lupin full force.

He let his head collapse back to the pillow as the door slowly creaked open. He didn't even bother to pretend to be asleep. Molly entered the room timidly, followed by Tonks and Arthur. Lupin stared at the ceiling as they crossed over to his bed.

"Remus?" Molly whispered as though she were standing beside the bed of a dying man.

"Hmm?" Remus grunted, not caring if he sounded rude at the moment.

"Dinner's ready if you're hungry."

Lupin nodded, still staring at the ceiling.

"Or if you prefer, I can bring you up a tray..."

Lupin sighed. There was no use to sit up here feeling sorry for himself for the rest of his life... "No," he said hoarsely. He cleared his throat. "I'll be down soon. Thank you, Molly."

Molly seemed cheered slightly and shoved Arthur and Tonks back through the door.

Eventually, Lupin rose from his bed. He stretched his aching back and averted his eyes away from the photo on the fireplace mantle. If it really had been three days, he should at least change his clothes.

Slowly and mechanically, Lupin stripped himself of his current worn sweater and pants, and changed into a clean, slightly frayed, t-shirt and a pair of faded blue jeans. Not caring about the state of his greying hair, Lupin left the room and headed down the stairs of the old house. He averted his eyes again as he passed the house-elves heads and the picture of Siri— his mother.

He sighed heavily at the thought that even his mind was censoring him.

He could vaguely hear voices floating up from the basement kitchen, but the moment he began stepping down the steep stairs, they stopped.

Lupin crossed the kitchen without looking at the others and sat in an empty seat at the end of the table. All eyes were upon him as he looked around slowly. Most eyes had a mixture of concern and pity, some even a little fear. Not that he really cared at the moment.

Molly broke the tense silence as she placed a bowl of hot soup and sandwiches before Lupin. "There you are, dear," she said kindly. "Eat up."

The others in the room (Tonks, Arthur, Kingsley, Moody, Mundungus, and Emmeline Vance) helped themselves to a large plate of sandwiches and the pot of soup. Soon they were discussing—a little too cheerfully, in Lupin's opinion—the coming Order meeting.

They're doing this for your benefit, you know, said a deep voice in Lupin's head.

Lupin shook his head, causing his sandy haired mixed with grey to cover his eyes, and continued to move his spoon through his soup. He wasn't hungry, and he was afraid that if he tried to eat he would just loose it later. Not too long after, dinner had finished. Molly and Emmeline were at the sink doing dishes. Tonks was eager as always to help, but after she had broken two dinner plates, Molly sent her back to the table with the wizards. Lupin remained in his daze as his fellows talked around him. He could feel eyes upon him again, but didn't have the strength to look up. After a while, more of the Order members began to arrive. Strangely enough, the only one Lupin noticed was Snape. Snape sent the werewolf the usual glare and sat in a corner of the kitchen.

He really hated Snape... Lupin thought distantly, turning away from the Potions Master.

Dumbledore was the last to enter. His normally bright twinkling eyes now pale and somber; their leader was looking older than ever.

Without even trying, Dumbledore gathered the attention of the Order. He looked at each of them, stopping on Lupin, and spoke, "As I am sure you have learned by now by reading the newspapers, the second war has begun. Voldemort—" a collective shudder passed through the room. Lupin never winced. "—made himself known to the Minister of Magic three nights ago. Many of his Death Eaters have been captured, including Lucius Malfoy, and have been sent to Azkaban. Unfortunately, I do not know how long they will remain there.

"As I am sure you have also learned we have already suffered a tragic loss of one of our own. For those of you who knew him well, Sirius Black—" Lupin winced painfully, "—was a strong and loyal man. He fought hard until his last breath. Sirius was protecting those he loved from danger. He will be missed terribly."

The rest of the meeting was a blur for Lupin. It was true, then... Sirius was really gone forever...

Only two years ago had the friends been reunited, finding the truth in one another. Not enough had been said on Lupin's part to his friend... his brother. And now he'd never get that chance.

The vision of Sirius being hit by a spell so simple as a Stunner by Bellatrix Lestrange, then falling gracefully through the veil would haunt Lupin as long as he remained on this earth.

The pain of loss was nothing new to Lupin, unfortunately. He'd been experiencing the pain of it since his youth. He'd lost everything at the hands of Lord Voldemort. All of his friends... gone. All of his family... gone. He was the last of the Marauders, officially now. The others had been taken from him—in Sirius' case, twice. Whether in death, or betrayal, or misunderstandings of the worst sort, they were gone. And they would never come back.

A soft hand touched Lupin's arm, jolting him from his depressing thoughts. He looked up into the eyes of the one and only Nymphadora Tonks—today her eyes were a navy blue. Lupin couldn't help but think how nice they were...

He looked around the room. Apparently the meeting had ended; the kitchen was now empty save the two of them.

"Wotcher, Remus," she said quietly, sitting next to him at the table.

"Hello, Nymphadora," he said tonelessly, not caring for the reprimand that was sure to come for using the Auror's first name.

For a moment, she looked like she was going to ask the pointless question, "Are you okay?" but instead said, "I fed Buckbeak earlier. He seemed hungry."

"Thank you," Lupin said, slightly surprised. He hadn't even thought of the hippogriff that had saved Sirius' life, and vice versa.

Tonks nodded. "Not a problem. It was all going quite well until I slipped on a skeleton of a mouse or something; I don't think I'll be able to sit comfortably for a week."

Lupin was startled by the strange sound of his own quiet laughter as he imagined the scene.

The two settled in a comfortable silence before Tonks spoke again, "Arthur, Mad-Eye, and I were discussing meeting Harry's family at the train station. Kind of see if we can't make his stay a bit better." Lupin snorted to himself. "You want to come?"

"Yes, I think I will," he heard himself say quietly after only a moment's thought.

"Good," she said smiling. Tonks stood from her chair and pulled her Muggle leather jacket over her black t-shirt. "Well, I should be going. Gotta be at the Ministry early tomorrow. I'll be back tomorrow morning before work; Mad-Eye wants to talk to me about something and he insists I come here."

"Okay," Lupin said, leading Tonks out of the basement kitchen.

They reached the front door, which Lupin held open for her. Before she left, Tonks laid a reassuring hand on his arm. "It'll get better," was all she said before taking her leave.

Lupin could only nod, but felt the weight in his chest lessen a bit at the words, as he closed the door and headed back to his bedroom.