Taylor's Dream and Jamie's Fantasy Gone Wrong!
Taylor, wearing tin foil from top to bottom so the aliens can't read her thoughts, came in riding a Shetland pony that was dressed in a red cape with curtain tassels and a Phantom of the Opera mask. The pony was on crack and was beginning to sway. A red hot mustang rolls up. A skateboard falls out of god knows where. She rips off the tin foil to reveal blue workman overalls (not the sexy ones) and rolls under the mustang with a screwdriver.
A bit of oil here, a bit of oil there. out of the corner of her eye she sees Sodapop (Please note: he is wearing a towel!...not for long) and Ponyboy (not the horse). Taylor is wiping the oil off with a dirty rag. She breaks into song singing "Greased Lightning". Everyone is like WTF? She time warps over so the boys and removes Soda's towel and starts to drool. Captain Jack Sparrow comes to the rescue on a giant wheel with a green bucket and dives in slow-motion before it hits the ground.
Captain Jack: I think Taylor might be on crack.
Taylor is still in shock and holding onto the towel and starts to whip everyone, running in a circle. So amusing, just like sultanas. This is very bizarre and just to make it even stranger, Bender, the hottie in the flannelette shirt from The Breakfast Club,(sigh) falls out of the vents.
Jamie: I just had a stroke! (She so has the hots for him!)
Bender: Forgot my Pencil. We all burst into song again.
"I WANNA BE AN AIRFORCE RANGER!" if only we had bright multi-coloured lockers. Just then pretty-boy, Zac Efron, turns up and starts flirting with Taylor. Soda, Bender and Captain Jack get jealous so the four of them (The Pretty-Boy, The Rebel, The Greaser and The Pirate) have a huge punch-up over Taylor. Soda ends up winning and walks off to flex his muscles somewhere. The others however try and plot to kill off Soda but Bender is too busy smoking pot and Captain Jack and Zac are exchanging ways to not stab yourself in the eye when putting on eyeliner.
Meanwhile the medieval knights are riding Shetland ponies with jousting sticks. They fight to the death. They get up and do a gangsta handshake. One holds up a mars bar.
Knight: Give you energy to so stupid things like this (Punches Zac Efron.)
Zac: ARGH MY EYE…VANESSA HELP ME!!
(Mr. G walks in shaking his head.)
Mr. G: Ok cast you call that performing?
Music starts and poles come up from the ground. Captain Jack is having an absolute blast. WHAT STOP I THOUGH YOU WERE ON CRACK! WHO SPIKED THE PUNCH?
Bender: What about the pot in my pants?"
(Paris Hilton walks in.)
Paris: Like Oh my god…I'm so F confused!
Just then her phone rang.
Paris: Hey Nicole…what...you ate a peanut...you're done eating for today. did you hear about those new Chanel bags?
Jamie: I'VE GOT GUCCI JEANS!
Taylor: Don't be so precious you brand-a-holic! (everyone applauds)
Taylor: thank you I'm here till Thursday!
(Enter Dr. Phil)
Dr. Phil: now everyone come and sit and we'll talk about your problems.
Everyone: HEY IT'S DR. PHIL!
Jamie: I though you worked in Sydney?
Sam: OH GOD NOT THIS AGAIN!
(I'll explain this: one day me and Jamie were off school and were…sadly…watching Dr. Phil. Jamie said how she should go on it because I think she has obsessive compulsive disorder. she said she would ask for a free trip to Sydney. i wondered why she would go to America just to ask Dr. Phil for a free trip to Sydney. She though Dr. Phil was filmed in Australia!!)
Sam: if Dr. Phil works in Sydney with an American accent then Pirates of the Caribbean isn't Disney!
(Jack's ears pick up.)
(Jamie seems to think that P.O.T.C isn't Disney cause there is no Mickey Mouse or cartoons)
Jamie: IT'S NOT DISNEY BECAUSE THERE IS NO MICKY MOUSE!
(Suddenly Two-Bit enters with a beer in one hand and chocolate cake in the other. he's wearing an I heart Mickey t-shirt.)
Two-Bit: MICKEY!!
Jamie: STOP INSULTING MY BLONDENESS!!
Taylor: Actually it's re-growth
Captain Jack: Actually it's neither it's… (passes out.)
Taylor, Jamie and Sam run to see what happened. (or should I say time warped)
Captain Jack: why is the rum always gone?
Jamie: (points to him lying on the ground) that's why. it's long gone mate!
Jeremy: WHO WANTS CHOCOLATE CAKE!?
Taylor: why are you here?
Jeremy: why are any of these guys here?
Taylor:…good point.
The four lift Jack to his feet.
Jamie: man your gonna have a major hangover tomorrow. You know what's good for a hangover? ASPRIN! Especially when you feed it to seagulls and they explode.
Captain Jack: you know what else is good for a hangover…
Macca's Chick: welcome to McDonalds do you want fries with that?
Captain Jack: I WANT A HAPPY MEAL!
(Adam Sandler appears out of nowhere dressed as Zohan.)
Adam Sandler: give me hummus!... disco break!
No Bingo Guy with Microphone: NOOOO BINGO!
Adam Sandler: disco not bingo you crazy fool. go back to the Telstra call centre… Mohammed!
No Bingo Guy: ok ok I know when I'm not wanted.
Adam Sandler: YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN!
No Bingo Guy: BRING IT ON BITCH!
(They have a shuffle-off in the middle of Mc Donald's driver thru with everyone watching. Jack is showing off his Happy Meal toy.)
So Taylor, Sam, Jeremy, Adam Sandler, John Bender, 3 or 4 Shetland ponies, a random Indian with a microphone, medieval knights, a mars bar, Zac Efron with a black eye, a pencil, Captain Jack Sparrow and his happy meal toy, Dr. Phil, a towel, a pair of overalls, Ponyboy, Two-Bit and Soda (still naked) are doing the time warp while singing Greased Lighting. then Pearl comes in with a video camera in one hand and a bottle of Smirnoff in the other.
Pearl: OK WHO WANTS TO GET RIP- ROARING DRUNK?!
Jack, Bender, Taylor and Dr. Phil's hand shoot up.
(this is still in the McDonald's drive through.)
GOOD TIMES!
Jamie: GOD HELP US ALL! NO STUFF THAT I'LL HELP US ALL (get's out her mobile phone and shoots everyone in the head with lasers.)
Jamie: MWAHHHAHAHAHA! I WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD SOME DAY. I WILL BE THE GREATEST SUPERHERO SINCE WONDER WOMAN I AM NO LONGER SEIZURE BOYS SIDEKICK…SUFFER BEETTCHZ! DEVIL CHILD! DEVIL CHILD!...EVIL MUCH?
Then Edna Turnblad come in.
Edna: LINK YOUR PORK IS READY!
Jack, Taylor, and Dr. Phil look at each other life WTF? then continue to get drunk.
Bender on the other hand has gone in search of Jamie coz he too now has the hots for her…