Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh. I am not making money of this fic in any way. *locks her closet* I don't know what happened to Otogi-kun. *muffled thumps and yells from behind the door*
Summary: Thanks to Ryuuji, Seto realizes everyone has a sense of humor, no matter how subtle, and that the receiving end can laugh at even the most seemingly sadistic of immature pranks.
Quick Note: Seto/Ryuuji here. Pointless and random. With that much said, read on.
Thanks: I dunno. I didn't have this beta read. I hope it's not too bad….
That's Not Funny
"Those who believe in love at first sight have probably lost their vision in both eyes."
"Awe, now that's not very optimistic."
"Good, it wasn't supposed to be." Seto Kaiba sighed, leaning back in his chair. His companion rolled his eyes and opened a word processor on the room's laptop. Seto frowned at the screen, clicking his tongue lightly in disapproval. "Oh god, what are you doing now, Otogi?"
"You'll see," was all the dice enthusiast had to answer. He began typing intuitively, reading off a handwritten notice. Seto strained his eyes slightly to bring the distant paper into focus, only to discover the penmanship to be completely illegible. He turned his glaze to the flat screen for answers and was disappointed by the extraordinarily small font Ryuuji had set.
"You're going to go blind reading that, I hope you know," Seto said.
"Will this be in both eyes, or just one? Maybe I'll believe in love at first sight?"
"Well, here's a suggestion: Don't," Seto ordered, sitting up suddenly. "Your font's too small. I'm getting a headache and I'm not even reading it."
"That sounds like a personal problem to me," Ryuuji replied, casually scrolling down. "Maybe you should get that checked out."
"How about you?"
"Awe, now that was just immature and uncreative," Ryuuji sighed before typing a few more lines. Seto noted his speed, calculating it per second and comparing it to his own with competitive eagerness. Oh, it was close: Close but no cigar.
"Make the font bigger," Seto ordered, "It's my computer; do what I want with it."
" '…All the better to read your writing with, my dear!'—eh?" Ryuuji mocked, raising his voice to the feeble pitch of what came out as a huskily voiced old woman, most likely one suffering from laryngitis.
"Well, of course," Seto replied in an uncharacteristic attempt at non-disabling sarcasm. With over-dramatized displeasure, he mentally noted how much Ryuuji was rubbing off on him. It grew worse every day. If Seto kept it up he'd end the fearful plummet utterly not himself and employing a line of black war paint and a bright bandana in his wardrobe. That's not to mention having the audacity to pierce an ear—one hole at the very least with a nice, large, fashion faux pas dangling from it.
"Oh wait, I have to phone the paparazzi; Seto Kaiba has actually displayed a rather subtle sense of humor. Oh, the witticisms we've missed!"
"Hey, I'm not laughing," Seto stated coolly. He glared across the room at Ryuuji who grinned right back. Seto's expression didn't change. He would have died rather than let the urge to at least a smirk overcome his will. Once you let one thing slide, an avalanche was sure to follow. Still, this minimal expression didn't seem to faze Ryuuji, who turned back to the screen, clearly pleased with his "jokes".
"That's because you can't laugh, Kaiba. Cackle, yes—Laugh, no."
Seto smirked at Ryuuji's words as the raven-haired teen resumed typing, a large grin plastered across his face. The CEO brought his seat up to the desk to cover his hand pulling a remote from his pocket. With this small mechanism, Seto could do many things, including, but not limited to, the switching certain devices on and off.
"Oh shit, I think your computer just crashed or something."
Seto smirked again before commenting, "Oh, why's that, Otogi?"
Ryuuji was tapping the control pad furiously to bring his program back. "The whole screen just flashed and disappeared," he said, looking at Seto uncertainly. "…It's not my fault."
"Awe, that's not good. Try turning it back. See if you can reboot the program."
Ryuuji turned the laptop entirely off before trying to start it up again. For a few seconds the computer glowed. Seto pressed a button on his remote clandestinely and had to bite back a malicious grin as the expression on Ryuuji's face became slightly panicked.
"Shiiiiit…" the confused teen muttered.
"Did any warning about a battery needing recharging show up? It might not be too serious."
"Er, I don't recall…." Ryuuji mumbled, reaching to turn the computer on once more. Again the screen lit up as the KaibaCorp logo flashed. After a few seconds the desktop icons appeared. Ryuuji watched this with an expression of sincere relief. His index finger hovered over the touch pad for a moment indecisively. The instant it came down, the screen went blank.
Seto found it almost impossible to control himself. He willed his voice to remain as distant and impassive as always to comment on this new development. "Otogi, have you broken my computer?"
"Er…" Ryuuji muttered, running a hand through his hair distractedly, "…no…?"
"Then can you explain to me what it's doing?"
"…No."
"But you told me it's working."
"No, I didn't."
Seto was mentally laughing at Ryuuji's nervous state. The other boy had pulled many similar pranks on Seto, so it was only fair. But hell, who cared about getting revenge anyway? It was entertaining for Seto to see the dice enthusiast so unsure of himself for once. He almost couldn't believe the clever little Ryuuji was even falling for the joke. It was so simple. Seto privately admitted he should have done this a long time ago.
"Well, while you keep contradicting yourself, I have to purchase a new laptop." Seto scolded the teen believably. "I'll sue for destruction of property."
Ryuuji's face paled, only adding to Seto's heartless amusement.
"But I didn't do anything!" Ryuuji complained, blood rushing to his face. Seto could tell the other teen was becoming frustrated with idea Seto would do such a thing to him. "I hardly typed twenty lines on the word processor."
Seto had to sneer sardonically at the angry flush of red coming stronger to Ryuuji's face.
"Don't yell at me, inu."
"Dammit," Ryuuji snapped, on his last nerve.
Suddenly the computer screen came to life. Ryuuji turned around and blinked at it idiotically.
"How'd it do that?"
"Oh, I don't know…" Seto shrugged in condescending ellipsis, brushing the hair out of his eye with the remote. He waited for Ryuuji to notice.
"You fucking asshole!" Ryuuji screeched, leaping across the room and making a dive for the device in Seto's hand. The CEO merely swiveled the chair out of range and watched Ryuuji crash, laughing darkly to himself.
"You are such an idiot."
Ryuuji glared at him for a few seconds. Seto could almost see the quick little mind contemplating how foolish he had looked over the computer and wondering if he'd ever be hearing the end of it. He was surprised though, as Ryuuji's mouth broke into a grin.
"Awe, that was cold, Kaiba," he chuckled. "I had no idea you had the mindset for that kind of thing."
Seto furrowed his brow a bit, confused. Why wasn't Ryuuji angry? What did he find funny?
"That brushing your hair with the remote was nice add-in…and waiting till I put my finger on the touch pad," the teen mused out loud, laughing lightly to himself, "I must've looked like a complete idiot."
Seto was still confused, "It doesn't bother you?"
Ryuuji, still grinning, sat up from his former position, which was sprawled on the ground.
"What doesn't bother me?"
"The fact I made you look like an idiot—you don't care?"
"Well, no." Ryuuji shrugged.
Seto was taken a bit aback by this information. He watched Ryuuji's expression skeptically, wondering whether or not the other was telling the truth.
"Are you sure?" Sadly, Ryuuji's lack of offense didn't make sense to him.
Ryuuji sighed and rolled his eyes at Seto, "You pulled a prank, Kaiba. Get over it."
With that he exited to room, leaving Seto just as bewildered as he had been amused.
AN: Yes, I finished! *cheers for herself* That took far longer than necessary, and it's so short too. That was a quip for all my other "serious" fics. *grin* I adore confused Kaiba—it's a side I want to see more often.