Dean was sitting at the doctor's office. It was a small room, and it was painted white, but most of hospital rooms were, right? Someone had put posters on the walls about the dangers of smoking and drinking and something about the anatomy of a man and woman. The room hadn't changed at all in the time dean had been absent, which had been a week. This time he would hear what was wrong with his body. Dean was pretty sure it would be nothing more than the common flu, or something else that would be as minor as it, but thanks to Sam bitching about it for days, he had reserved an appointment. The doctors had asked him about 9000 questions, taken about a gallon of his blood to be tested, and told him to come back a week later.

So there he was and The doctor he had been talking to for about half an hour now had been rambling nonstop ever since Dean had sat down. He was talking about the results of his blood test and god knows what else, but Dean had no idea what it meant in every day English. The doctor's thick accent didn't help at all.

"Mr. Winchester, what I'm trying to say is that I'm very sorry, but you have cancer."

"What? Haha, a good one. I didn't know you had a sense of humor. No offense." Dean said when the doctor, whose name he didn't remember, it was something that started with an F, and his last name was surely Benson, looked a bit hurt. "If you could just give me some pills to take I'm sure everything would be okay and you would never have to see me again. Which we both would probably enjoy very much." Dean said and laughed awkwardly. When Dr. Benson said nothing he stopped. "okay then.."

"I am afraid there are no 'pills to take' I really am sorry, but this is a rare form of cancer, you have a 40/60 chance of beating it. Now, i have read your medical records and i think.."

Cancer.

Dr. Benson's voice blacked out when the reality of the word hit Dean. This couldn't be real. Funny how one little word was able to chance everything. One word, with only six letters seemed to be so big, when it was thrown into a conversation like that. It just couldn't be happening, not now. Dean was a 28 year old man who exercised almost everyday, and never smoked. Well yeah he drank every now and then, but not too much. He had never been in a meaningful relationship, in fact he really had never been in a relationship that had lasted more than a week, he just had had tons of one night stands. Nothing more, nothing less.

And he owned a car repair shop for Christ sake. How could he have cancer? It just wasn't real.

" -So we will be meeting again here the day after tomorrow. We will talk more about your future and your possible medication." the doctor said, then he stood up and hold out his hand "It was.. nice to meet you Mr. Winchester."

Well yeah, it was such a fucking delight to meet you too bitch Dean thought but stood up and shook the doctor's hand, it was like his body had just started working automatically, his mind had been completely wiped out, just one word was destroying every possible other thought he could have thought, cancer. He held Dr. Benson's hand a little too long, tried to mumble something as an apology and then hurried out of the room, almost knocking over the chair he had just been sitting on.

When he was in the hall, he almost ran to the nearest bathroom, bumped into one of the pretty nurses, who looked kind of pissed off for a moment, but decided not to say anything when she saw Dean's face. The nurse hurried off to the opposite direction, and left Dean alone. He had almost hoped that she wouldn't go. Dean could fell the puke coming up, so he rushed to the bathroom, opened the door, bend over a toilet, and gagged, but nothing came out. He gagged until his throat began to hurt, until it felt like it was on fire. He was in shock, yeah, that must be it, that would explain to weird numbness he was feeling. He flushed the toilet, even though there was nothing in it, and stood up. He got out and washed his hands, and flushed his face. Then he left and went back to the hall. He was still shaking.

This couldn't be real, none of it, he wasn't going to believe it. Everything seemed so out of place, the doctors, nurses, the patients. Even the hallway seemed to twist and twirl.

He just.. he couldn't have been diagnosed with cancer. Okay, it was time to calm down now.

What time was he supposed to come back ? It was the day after tomorrow, but what time? What did it matter.

When Dean finally lifted his gaze from the floor he noticed he had walked to the waiting room. His brother was standing next to the kiosk, talking to some old lady. The distance between the doctors office and here had seemed like one of the biggest journeys in his life. But now he could see his brother standing in front of him, like a steady rock, and it seemed to calm him down too. At least a little.

Sam was his little brother, four years younger that him, but he was taller than Dean, so most of the people usually though Sam was older.
Besides his height, his hair was getting out of control, but he refused to cut it for whatever reasons. He notice Dean and smiled at the lady he had been talking to and walked towards his big brother.

"Well... What did the doctor say?" Sam said and smiled his usual smile. Dean stared at him, his brother was the most important person in Dean's life, he couldn't just leave him behind and die. Sam would need him.

"They said I.." Dean started but then gulped "They said that I'm fine. Just the common flu." He couldn't tell him. Not yet, so he just smiled. "And that is what i told you, but of course you never listen." and before Sam could reply he continued "Come on. Let's get out of here, hospitals freak me out, man."

"Yeah, just because you watched that document about hospital bacterias should not be enough to freak you out every time you enter a hospital." Sam laughed.

"Shut up, it was horrible, you didn't watch it." Dean answered and walked towards the door, opened it and stepped out of the hospital. They had parked the Impala to the nearest parking lot so they didn't have to walk for long.

The 67 Chevy Impala was the second most important thing in his live. It had belonged to their father, John. Dean had inherited the car, which he usually just called Baby, after their father had passed away. It had happened about ten years ago, Sam had been only 14 at the time. So Dean had been the only one of the two who had been able to ride a car, so it quickly became his most valuable possession. Their father had bought the car before Sam and Dean had been even born. It had been an engagement gift for John, and his wife. Both of his sons had really loved and respected their dad, but John had meant the world to Dean, and it had been a really hard time for him when John had passed away. He had died on a hospital bed.

He had died of cancer.

It felt like all happiness and warmth had been swept away from Dean's body. His father had died of cancer. His body started trembling, his eyes widened and he felt like he would fall down any second now. Why hadn't he remembered this right away!?

"Hey Sammy, could you drive. They drained so much blood out of me that i feel a little dizzy." He said and tried to smile and reassure that everything was fine.

"Yeah, sure." Sam said and thank god he didn't notice how pale Dean was.

"Thanks man." He said and went to the other side of the car and sat his ass down. Soon they drove away from the hospital and towards Sam's home.

Dean turned on the radio and put in AC/DC CD, and much to Sam's annoyance, started to sing along the lines of Thunderstruck.

Sam didn't like the music Dean loved. His father had loved the same kind of music so he had probably grown tired of it.

When they had been driving for about fifteen minutes, they arrived at Sam's house. It looked a little bit like the first house they had lived in. It was quite big, with two floors and the walls were painted green. It wasn't too old, but in Dean's opinion it would have looked a little better with a second layer of paint. Sam stopped the car and they got out.

Jessica was waving at them from one of the kitchen windows. She was wearing an apron, and because Christmas would be in a week she was probably baking gingerbread cookies.

Dean really liked Jess, she was funny, beautiful and smart, in other words she was perfect for Sam. They had been living together for about two years now, and had known each other for five.

Thank god Sammy is still going to have her when I'm gone..

Stop that, it's not happening Dean had to remind himself..

"So we think we can assume you're coming here for Christmas?" Sam asked as they were walking towards the front door.

"Of course! Wouldn't miss it for the world." Dean said and grinned. It had become a some sort of tradition of theirs to gather up at Sam's or Bobby's place and celebrate Christmas together as a family

"Great! Bobby is coming of course, and so are Ash, Pam, Jo and Ellen but this time they are going to stay for the whole time."

"Awesome! I haven't seen them in such a long time." Dean said. And if this was going to be his last Christmas it would be great to spend it with all of them. Stop it! He mentally slapped himself.

Then they stepped in and were welcomed by the smell of freshly baked cookies.

"Oh hi love! And sam, welcome to you too." Jess said smiling brightly and winked at Sam.

"Hello love, did you miss me?" Dean said and gave Jessica a big hug while she kissed his cheek. Sam rolled his eyes, and then kidnapped his girlfriend from his brothers embrace. Somehow they hadn't gotten married yet, even after dating for four years.

"What about me, don't I get a 'Welcome home, your bath is ready darling' kind of welcome?" Sam said and tried to look hurt.

"No, no you don't. You get a 'Honey, i told you not to leave the milk cartoon on the table'" Jessica said jokingly and chuckled, then she gave him a quick kiss.

"Wow, kids. Don't get all lovely-dovely in public, it's so sweet I might get a diabetes." Dean said and looked like he was about to puke.

"Well, leave, and we don't have that problem anymore." Sam said and made a face, that Dean had started calling ' A bitch face.' Sam was the master of it. No one could beat him, even thought Jess came as a strong second.

"Please, I know you love me. Hmm, I did happen to smell some cookies. I can go to the kitchen and you can.. do whatever kids do at your age." Dean said and was going to move but Jess stopped him.

"Yes, you did smell cookies, but they are not for you so keep your hand's off!"

"C'mon! Even one?" Dean said and tried to imitate Sam's puppy eyes. And apparently didn't do as great as he would have.

"No! Dean, please. They're for the Christmas dinner, you can eat as many as you want then!" She said and smiled, hurried past Dean and went back to the kitchen.

"But if you want to help with something, you can decorate them! Sam, you too!" She yelled.

"When wouldn't I want to decorate Christmas cookies. This is going to be so awesome." Dean said and looked at his brother, who seemed to be asking:

You? Decorating cookies? This I will have to see. Dean shrugged and seemed to say:

Whatever dude. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

Then they both walked to the kitchen where Jess was already getting out important equipment for making patterns and whatever on the cookies. Dean and Sam exchanged a look:
This is either going to be a disaster or this is going to be one hell of a disaster.

Turns out it wasn't a disaster, or even hell of a one, it was actually quite fun. The cookies looked more or less eatable, but on the positive side, at least they were colourful..

"What the hell is this trying to be" Sam said through his tears from laughing and pointed at one of the them.

"It's clearly a pig! C'mon how blind do you have to be to not see how beautifully it is shaped!" Dean said and looked offended.

"You know, if you squint your eyes and tilt your head, it really does look like a pig!" Jessica said and made Sam laugh even more, who then did what her girlfriend had said.

"Oh yes! I can see it now! It has got a lovely little tail and everything! Hey, Dean why haven't you started your career as an artist yet?"

"Hahaha, I am so amused. Oh, and your moose looks so vivid, what is that red thing on this side of the cookie? Is it bleeding?" Dean said mockingly, and poked one of Sam's cookies, who stopped laughing and dashed to save it.

"It's clearly a Santa hat!" Sam said and took the cookie away from Dean. At this point Jessica was laughing so hard that she almost dropped a bag of cookies that she was going to put into the freezer.

"It's clearly a Santa hat. Yeah and I am obviously James Dean. Didn't you see me in Giant?" Dean said and smirked.

"Yeah.. I do remember you! You totally sucked though."

"Not as much as your moose!"

"Jerk!"

"Bitch!"

"Okay, okay, boys stop that." Jessica said and wiped a couple of tears away from her cheek, still smiling. "Before you start bitch slapping each other, would you be so kind and put those bags there." She said and pointed the freezer.

"Yes ma'am!" Sam and Dean said in unison and reached for the bags, which were full of cookies. Jess's were the one which looked more beautiful and eatable. She chuckled at the boys who raced to the freezer and fought for a moment who could put the first one in. They acted like giant five year old sometimes

"Gentlemen, your job here is done. Thank you" Jess said and chuckled again. "You boys are now free to do whatever you want but I still have laundry to do." she continued and walked past the boys, who were still trying to control their laughter. When she was gone Sam turned to look at Dean who was now staring out of the window, it had started to snow at some point of the evening. Maybe this year they would have a white Christmas. The last one had been kind of... grey.

"So... what would you want for a present this year?" Sam asked and smiled

"I want to live longer..." He said but so quietly that Sam couldn't hear him.

"What?"

"Nothing, I'm just shocked that you still haven't gotten me a present! The first thing you should do as soon as December starts is to buy a present for your big brother!" Dean said

"Have you gotten mine?" Sam said and made the bitchface again.

"No, but that's different. I'm older!"

"Yeah, I totally agree with you there."

"Good!" Dean said and smirged. Sam walked to the fridge and took two beers out of it.

"Hey, do you want one?"

"Nahh, I have to leave soon anyway so.." Dean said and shrugged

"Is Dr. Sexy on again?" Sam said and grinned.

"Shut up, It's a good show. When was the last time you watched Gilmore Girls?" Dean said mockingly and Sam's face turned one shade redder.

"Why would i have watched it? I don't watch that show!"

"Oh yeah and you didn't have a big poster of the show when we were younger? That must have been my imagination too?"

"Shut up, you Dr. Sexy's not-so-secret fangirl."

"At least he has got style! And the nurses are hot!" Dean hissed.

"Dude, just admit it.. You're so gay for Dr. Sexy." Sam said and opened one of his beer bottles.

"I'm not gay.. You're.. gay." Dean said and made Sam laugh "Shut up." then he turned to look at the time, which was almost nine in the evening.

"Yeah, i guess i really should go." He continued and walked to the hallway and grabbed his jacket and car keys. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Just a quick warning, Jess is making me clean the house tomorrow, so if you don't want that kind of torture on your shoulders you should come here after six." Sam said with the beer bottle on his hand, he took a sip and looked at Dean.

"Jesus, no. Well, bye." Then he yelled 'Goodbye' to Jess, who probably didn't heart it, nodded at Sam and opened the door and stepped into the cold night.

It had gotten pretty dark, and the wind didn't make anything better. Everything looked kind of spooky, thanks to the fresh snow and the dim light coming from the nearest houses and from the moon

Dean walked to his car, started the engine, and left.

His house wasn't far away, just a short ten minutes ride to the city and you were there.

He lived in an apartment house, in a crappy, old and small flat. But it was more than ok, he really just slept there. And sometimes not even that, some days he would pick up a chick, spend the night at her place, go to work by morning, then go to Sam's, or Ash's or anyone's place and sleep there. Some days he just needed his own privacy, and he didn't want to be a burden to anyone. So he rather owned an apartment which was failing to pieces, and went there when ever he felt like he needed his own time.

Even though his neighbors were either old and cranky, or loud and annoying teenagers, who thought that having parties at three am was the best idea ever.

His flat was on the second floor, so he took the stairs, walked up and stopped in front of the apartment number 13. He reached for the key, which was in his pocket and opened the door.

"Home, sweet home." Dean said and turned on the lights, which exposed a view to his living room and his terrible wallpaper. The colour of it was beige and it had small little flowers patterned all over it. It was the most horrid thing he had ever seen on anyone's walls. Including Pam's. And she was blind.

His living room was the biggest room in his flat, it was decorated with a couple of posters about his favourite bands and movies. His furniture included a sofa, TV, DVD player, one table, radio and couple of Cd's and DVDs. If you turned right from there, you would go to the kitchen, which was two times smaller than the living room. And if you turned to the opposite direction you would either go to the bathroom, or Dean's bedroom.

Yep, crappy, old and small.

Dean tossed the keys on to the table that was next to the sofa, took off his jacket and threw it to the floor. Then he walked to his bedroom

He was suddenly really tired, and just wanted to sleep, or maybe take a long and warm bath, but it felt like too much to walk to the bathroom, so he just took of his pant and shirt, and crawled under the blanket.

Everything was so quiet, either his neighbors had gone to sleep, or they hadn't come home yet. At times like this, he truly felt alone. Like he was the only one in the universe. Especially now. He had pushed today's events away from his mind while he had been at Sam and Jessica's place because he really didn't want to tell them yet. It wasn't even 100% sure yet, right? He didn't want to make them sad especially when it was so close to Christmas. What would be a greater gift than telling the people you loved that you would probably die next year?

But now he was alone in his flat, in his room, under his blanket and nothing could stop his mind from thinking about the only one thing he didn't want to think about. It exploded like a bomb in his mind, making his head hurt and his ears ring. He felt sick again.

He remember, how John had gotten weaker and weaker, he had lost his hair, and more than half of his weight. And towards the end, he hadn't even reminded the man he had been just a year before it had happened. It had been horrible, but Dean and Sam had been with him until the end. It had been messy, heartbreaking, and so unreal. How could a man, who had been at his best physical strength gone from that to the weak and small man he had been at his last moments? Sam and Dean had been there when John had taken his final breath.

Sam had cried, Dean hadn't.

And then every last Person John had known decided to visit their home, telling Sam and Dean how sorry they were, and what a good man John had been. That they couldn't believe he was gone, and how hard it must have been for the boys. Dean had lost his temper when it had been going on for two hours. He had told everyone to fuck off with their casserole and pastries. How was their lives going to get any better if they had two tons of casserole to eat?
Everyone had left. Sam had been standing at the door, telling goodbyes to everyone, and thanking them for their sympathy and condolences.

And dean didn't want that, he didn't want Sam, Bobby, Jo, Ellen, Ash, Pam or Jess to see him like that, or people telling them how sorry they were. No one liked him besides his family. Nobody really knew him or cared. So everyone could just fuck off. The doctor's could fuck off too. Maybe they really had made a mistake? The first thing he would do the day after tomorrow was to demand new tests. To confirm that he in fact didn't even have a cancer. It would be so simple. And perfect, and then he would laugh with Sam because the doctors were stupid and they had no idea about anything. He wanted to believe that.

But live usually didn't work like that.

So yeah hello to anyone who has decided to read this all the way down here! I just wanted to say thank you! This is my first fic.. and I'm pretty fucking nervous about publishing it 8''D that being said, i really hope you liked it and i will post the next chapter next week! *runs away*