Remus Lupin had never believed in angels.
Not until his own angel had burst into his life so completely and shattered the careful existence he had lived before. Not until his angel had vanished, leaving only blackness and the scattered fragments of the brief happiness he had brought.
Remus Lupin refused to remember. To remember that laugh, that touch, that face, that body…
But in his dreams he could not escape the memory of his angel.
When they met it had been nothing extraordinary. He had felt no instant acknowledgement. No love.
They were just two boys on a train. Never mind the fact that one was the epitome of pure beauty and confidence, whilst the other was just trying to remain inconspicuous behind a heavy book and a bar of chocolate. Because at that moment they were just two boys on a train.
When they had found out they were sharing a room there were some raised eyebrows a "what are the chances" look from one of them, before the other two occupants arrived, bringing with them enough distraction to forget the brief moment of eye contact.
And Remus Lupin was pleased to be forgotten, happy to sit on the sidelines throughout their school years as all four grew into handsome intelligent boys/men.
He never questioned why his gaze always lingered on one of their number, why one face occupied his thoughts while he showered, or lay on his bed. It wasn't anything serious, he told himself, admiration at most. And he tried, unsuccessfully, to banish the images from his mind.
When they left school it seemed natural for them to flat, all four of them together, and Remus Lupin was all too happy to comply. The specific reason for this he avoided considering altogether.
Soon though, the four became three as marriage, as it so often does, got in the way of friendship. And still Remus Lupin was happy, for with three people there were still plenty of distractions to be found.
Eventually things changed, as they do, yet again, and as a small old lady died, leaving her grandson a house to himself the three became two.
Still Remus Lupin didn't allow himself to think or dream or desire. He was content and almost very nearly happy in his careful lifestyle. And the situation was more perfect than he had dared hope.
Soon he started to notice that fewer girls came to the apartment, late night out at the pub all but disappeared and that, shockingly, they seemed to be satisfied with just their own company.
But Remus Lupin worried that he was unhappy, discontent and miserable. He worried, yet he never once asked why.
When Remus Lupin had awoken one night to find him on the floor of the sitting room, crying, he had thought of nothing but how to comfort him against the pain.
When their lips touched uncertainly, hesitantly, Remus Lupin felt nothing but his own delirious happiness as they lay together on the floor.
When, a year later, they were still together, Remus Lupin was told that he smiled more often than he had previously believed possible. Smiled with joy at his own sheer luck.
When he heard who was responsible for their friends death he felt numb with shock and pain.
The twelve years that followed were a blur of shadows and sorrows and hurt.
When justice was returned Remus Lupin dared to hope as he hadn't for what felt like a lifetime.
And when his angels light was extinguished that cruel night in the ministry Remus Lupin swore he would never feel again.
Remus Lupin never believed in angels. Until Sirius Black swept into his life blinding his shadowy existence with his light. And when that light was stolen away Remus Lupin just blinked in the darkness and refused to think.
But he could not stop his dreams.
I know this was a sad one! It's my first SB/RL fic so bear with me. If you like it maybe I'll do more. Please review. Thanks! Zellahxx