A/N: It's been a while since I've written Brazen and I hope to be breaking out of my Brazen dry spell. There are flashbacks...some real...some manufactured. The 'real' flashbacks are from 1998 (post-plane crash) and the manufactured ones are from 2003. Enjoy and let me know what you think.

Part I

"I'll make you a deal. I am going to be optimistic from now on. I'm still going to let you be, you know, you. So I'll hope for the best and you can expect the worst. That way all of our bases are covered. And I know we're going to get out of this alive," Brenda said.

"Deal," Jason said.

Somewhere along the way, the deal changed. She stopped hoping for the best and started expecting the worst. Tragically, everyone's worst nightmare came true when Michael was shot by a bullet meant for Sonny.

Brenda held the candle closer to the flame, waiting for it to light. As she set it on the stand, she said a brief prayer for Michael. Get well soon, Michael. You're strong and so many people love you, they're never going to be the same until you're better. A little boy whose future was once filled with possibility was now filled with uncertainty. Hearing the door open, she turned around and her heart sank when she saw Carly. She couldn't even begin to imagine the pain Carly was going through right now. Granted, she and Carly had barely tolerated each other but this kind of pain she wouldn't wish on anyone, even Carly.

"Carly – " Brenda paused, not sure what to say. What did you say to someone whose little boy had been shot? Due to a senseless act of violence, there was a little boy fighting for his life because of Sonny's naivety. What the hell had he been thinking to take Michael to the warehouse unguarded? Just wishing away the danger didn't make it go away. And now Michael was going to pay the price for trusting Sonny to keep him safe. "How's Michael?"

"He's fighting," Carly said, the stress of the past forty-eight hours evident in her voice.

Brenda nodded, "He would be – he's strong," Brenda said. Hopefully the old adage was true, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. If that was the case, then there was a good chance that Michael could beat the odds. Michael had been through so much in his short lifetime. "I'm so sorry that this happened."

"If you're here to say I told you so, then you can leave," Carly said.

"No – that's not why I'm here," Brenda said. She was the first one to admit that she didn't agree with Carly's choices but now wasn't the time or the place to bring it up. Carly was already going through enough, the pain – the guilt, the last thing she needed was for anyone to judge the choices she'd made. Besides, it wasn't her place to lecture Carly. At the time Carly believed she was making the right decisions, and for a while it looked like she had. If there was anyone to blame for this, it was Sonny – not Carly, not Jason. "I know you hate me and I don't blame you for that. But this – this isn't about me or about you. If there's anything I can do for you – don't hesitate to ask." She grabbed her things from the pew and started to leave but stopped for a moment. "He's going to make it through this, he's strong – there are a lot of people that love him."

Carly wiped the tears from her face, "Thank you," Carly whispered. "I – I envy you for being stronger than me, for being able to make choices I couldn't make. I didn't agree with you at the time, but now – now I can see why you did what you did."

An awkward silence passed, "You did what you needed to do at the time," Brenda said. "No one can blame you for that."

"I blame myself," Carly said. "I'm a mother, I'm supposed to protect my boys and now – " Carly's voice trailed off and she took a few moments to gather herself. "You're here to see Jason, aren't you? He's in with Michael now."

"I meant what I said," Brenda said. "Let me know if there's anything I can do for you." Brenda tersely smiled at Carly and headed towards Michael's room. She hesitated before entering the room. She could see Jason sitting next to Michael's bed, talking to him. She knew the guilt must be ripping Jason in two. Even though Jason no longer had the title of being Michael's father, he was just as much his parent as Carly and Sonny.

Maybe she shouldn't be here. What if her being here made things worse for Jason? She left Jason because she couldn't deal with the violence that was always on the fringes of his life. She couldn't take the risk that someone wasn't going to cross the line. She couldn't risk being caught in the line of fire. She'd done it once - with Sonny, and she couldn't do it again. Sure she could've hoped and prayed that nothing like this would happen, but there were no guarantees. She'd been shot at once and Carly had been kidnapped, that was the harsh reality of this life. Brenda shook her head, maybe it would be better for her to leave. But she knew Jason was blaming himself for this, and despite everything that happened between them she wasn't going to let him wallow in guilt.

"I'm sorry buddy," Jason said. He hated seeing Michael like this, hooked up to more machines than he could count and his head bandaged. Michael deserved to be outside. He didn't deserve to be lying in a hospital bed paying for the choices he and Sonny made. "You know, when I brought you home for the hospital, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. I thought I was just going to look after you while your mom got herself straightened out. I – I didn't know that I was going to love you as much as I do now. I didn't know that I was going to learn as much from you as you did from me. I didn't know that my choices were going to affect you like this. If – if I had known – " Jason reached forward, lightly holding Michael's small hand in his own. The boy who was once his son, the boy he still thought of as his son, was a boy paying for his choices. "If – if I had known that things were going to turn out like this – I would've said no. I don't regret one moment of loving you, but if I knew that you would be fighting for your life because of my choices – I never would've brought you home that day. I don't deserve to be a father."

Maybe he hadn't been the one to put the bullet in Michael's head. He hadn't even been with Michael that day. But he was as much at fault as the shooter. It was hard to pinpoint what decision had led to this. Did it go back to the first day Sonny gave him a gun? The first night at Jake's he saw Carly? The day Carly showed up drenched from the rain and nearly nine months pregnant? The first time he held Michael? Bringing him home from the hospital? The Baptism? Pushing Carly away? Giving Michael up? Letting Sonny adopt Michael? When was it that things started to go wrong?

"I'm sorry Michael. I brought you into a life filled with violence. I was selfish to think that you'd be safe, stupid to think that kids were really untouchable. I'm so sorry that you're the one paying for my mistakes, my crimes." Jason let go of Michael's hand and rested his forehead in his hands. He'd give up every happy moment in his life if he could somehow make this nightmare go away.

Jason turned his head when he heard a light tapping on the glass. Jason took a deep breath, and ran his hand over his face before turning and seeing Brenda at the door. A million emotions coursed through him as he saw her standing there. Seeing Michael in this bed was her worst nightmare. A child caught in the line of fire. That was why she left him. They had made an unlikely pair, but somewhere during the trail they fell for each other. He wasn't sure what it was that drew him to her. It was probably the simple fact that the only person who understood what he was going through was her. After getting acquitted, they tried to make it work. They fought more often than not, but they always fought so that was nothing new. But Carly getting kidnapped while pregnant freaked Brenda out and she couldn't deal with that possibility so she left him. He didn't blame her. Not for that or any of the other decisions she made. She'd always been completely honest with him about how she felt about his job. When they'd gotten married, she hadn't promised to accept his job – they'd gotten married for reasons that had nothing to do with love. So when everything fell apart, there was no one to blame – just his job. But he hadn't been able to give it up. She didn't ask him to, she simply walked away. Except it wasn't simple.

Jason took a deep breath and walked over to the door, and stepped in the hallway.

"Jason, I'm sorry," Brenda whispered. "This isn't your fault. I know you – I know the guilt is tearing you apart but you have to believe that this isn't your fault."

"It is my fault. I wasn't with Michael, but I'm just as responsible for this as Sonny," Jason said.

"You've never gambled with the boys' safety, you wouldn't. You wouldn't let something like this happen. You – "

"Then why did you leave?" Jason asked. "If I could never let something like this happen, why did you leave?"

Brenda nodded slowly, "I deserve that," Brenda said.

"I'm sorry," Jason said. "I shouldn't have said that. When you left – it was your decision. I accepted it, and I respected it."

"I – "

Jason motioned for Brenda to stop talking and he looked around the hall and motioned for her to enter Michael's room. He didn't want to have this discussion in the hall. In fact, if he could he wouldn't be having this discussion at all. Brenda shouldn't be here, it was too dangerous. But he knew that it was pointless to argue with her, that if she wanted to be here she'd stay. If she hadn't wanted to come, she would've stayed in London.

Brenda looked at Michael then back at Jason, "I hate this. I hate everything about this," Brenda said, tears flowing freely down her face.

"If there's one person who is not at fault for this, it's you. You warned me about this more than once. I – I've always respected your decision. I understood it on some level, but I don't think I ever really got it until now," Jason said. When Brenda left, he hadn't wanted her to leave. But he saw the fear in her eyes. He couldn't guarantee he could keep her safe. So he did the one thing he didn't want to do, he let her go. There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't wish things could've turned out differently. But they hadn't.

"I never wanted to be right," Brenda said. "I never wanted something like this to happen."

Jason looked at Michael in bed and wondered if he would ever wake up again. "I hate your decision. I hate that you left me, that you walked away. But knowing what I know now, I can only say thank you."

Brenda shook her head, crying harder. "Don't thank me. Don't you dare thank me for keeping our daughter away from you."