DM: Hello! This is my first OHSHC fic! I've noticed that a lot are one-shot, but mine will be fairly lengthy. I'm gonna avoid author notes from this point forward, so the disclaimer below will last for the whole fic, ok? Oh yea, and PLEASE REVIEW IT MAKES ME UPDATE FASTER!
Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club
Prologue
Hello. My name is Fujioka Haruhi. I'm a special scholarship student at Ouran High School, a school for the wealthy and powerful. I broke a vase upon entering their "Host Club" (a group of guys that does nothing but flirt) and so I now crossdress as a boy to work off my debt. Now I'm going to tell you a story about the worst month of my life.
It all started one morning, when I woke up and found that I had a penis.
Ok scratch that
It all started the day before that morning, when the guys at the Host Club (more on them as we go along) were harassing me, as usual.
"Haruhi! Come home with us and try on our mother's fashions!" Hikaru, one of the Hitachiin twins (infamous for their twincest act at the HC) cajoled, draping an arm around me.
"Yea, Haruhi, you will look soooo cute!" his brother, Kaoru, chimed in, also grabbing hold of me.
"I mean look at the state of your pants, girl, there's a hole in this pocket!" Hikaru cried, tugging at my pant leg. I opened my mouth to protest that Kyouya was too cheap to lend me more than one male uniform without adding it to my debt and that I was too cheap to accept it, but I was interrupted:
"But Haru-chan has to come to the cute petting zoo with me! Bun-bun and I want to pet the wabbits!" Honey, two years my senior yet with the appearance of a 10 year old, tugged on my sleeve, and his cousin, Mori (as tall and dark as Honey was small and blonde) nodded emphatically behind him.
"Surely you jest, my subjects! Princess Haruhi will go on a date with me today!" Tamaki (also blonde and utterly obnoxious) rang out in his usual melodramatic way.
Kyouya, eyes hidden mysteriously behind his glasses and black hair, only held out a broom for me, and pointed to the page of his notebook on which my debt was recorded. $35,000 to go. I sighed and chose the broom.
Ignoring the cacophony of protests and whines, I began to sweep under Honey's usual table (he always left a huge mess of cake crumbs).
Giving up on me, the gang left, leaving only Kyouya and me. I sighed again.
"Something wrong, Haruhi?" Kyouya's voice reeked of amusement. I stopped sweeping for a moment and stared hard at the smeared strawberry on the floor (what a waste!).
"I wish..." I began. But what did I wish for? I didn't know. Before I could finish the thought, Kyouya came up and flicked me in the forehead (a very uncharacteristic move on his part).
"If you want to make a wish, there's a fountain just outside here that makes your wishes come true," he said, grinning evilly and reminding me of the mischievous twins.
"Oh please," I said, and renewed my sweeping. He walked back to his little desk and began typing on his laptop.
As soon as I had finished sweeping, I left, giving Kyouya the smallest goodbye. He only raised his arm in return, eyes fixated on the screen.
As I walked, I reflected on the things that I wished were different.
I wished that everyone would stop treating me differently from the way they treated each other. I wanted to be one of the guys.
It turns out that the fountain Kyouya talked about was an old tourist attraction that I had never given much thought before. It was on my route home. Kyouya had probably known that already—he had taken it upon himself to research every aspect of my life.
Now, because God hated me at that point for being so ungrateful, he decided to use that whole "omnipotent" thing to create the mess in which I found myself the following morning.
You see, just as I was passing the fountain, I happened to murmur that last wish out loud, that I wanted to be "one of the guys". Also at that exact moment, Hikaru and Kaoru happened to spring out at me from behind a trashcan and push me right next to that fountain. At the same time, a coin in my ridiculously worn pocket fell into the fountain.
You are now expecting a bang and a flash of light, yes?
Wrong.
Nothing happened, and I yelled at Hikaru and Kaoru until they cried and then myself went home.
As I said before, I woke up the next morning with a penis. My wish had come true.
The month until I managed to get back to normal was the worst month of my life. Period.
But it was absolutely necessary.