RENT, including "The Tango: Maureen" belongs to Jonathan Larson. Hetalia, including Prussia, Austria, and Hungary belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya. The idea of combining these together is mine, though! :)
In canon, Joanne is black. But for the purposes of this songfic, she is Hungary. I apologize in advance if that bothers you (it bothers me a lot), but it's entirely possible to have her be black anyway. :3 However, I suggest listening to the original version before reading this version. :)
"Hey, Roddy?" The white-haired girl sung into her cell phone.
"Yeah, Julchen?" The brunet sighed. He thought he was over her.
"Um, could you do the awesome me a favor, and help Elizabeta set up for mein awesome performance? Thank you Roddy, bye!" With that, the German (Prussian, if you asked her) hung up before Roderich could even protest. He sighed once more, and prepared to help the girl who was once the love of his life, and the woman she left him for.
"Ugh, I did not go to Vest Hungary for zis!" Elizabeta grumbled in defeat, staring at the cords that didn't want to cooperate. Her girlfriend was supposed to be there three hours ago, but she is currently nowhere to be found.
Roderich saw Elizabeta first. He wondered to himself, "Am I going to get out of here alive?"
Turning around the brunette glared at him and exhaled impatiently. "Roderich?! I told her not to call you!"
"That's Julchen for you. But, since I'm here, do you need help anyvay?"
"I have un engineer coming." The woman looked testily at the brunet.
"All right zen, nice meeting you, Elizabeta." The Austrian man turned to walk away until she swallowed her pride and spoke up.
"Vait, Roderich." She shook her head. "Julchen is three hours late. I don't know vhere she is. Und zhe cables won't delay."
"There's unother vay. Speak into ze mic. Say somesing, anysing." Roderich started looking at the speaker.
The brunette spoke into the mic as instructed. "Test, vone, two, sree."
"Anysing but zhat."
Gripping the mic, Elizabeta couldn't help but comment on her current situation. "Zhis is veird."
"It's veird," Roderich confirmed.
"Very veird," Elizabeta agreed again.
"Fucking veird." He retorted.
"I'm so mad at her I don't know vhat to do, Roderich. I'm fighting vith zhese micophones, und I'm freezing down to my bones, und on top of all zhat, I'm stuck here vis you!"
"I know ze feeling. You feel like you're going insane, un you got a fire in your brain, und you're sinking of drinking gasoline." At this point, Roderich stopped working and looked at Elizabeta.
"As un matter of fact!-" The brunette went to agree when the male interrupted her.
"Honey, I know it's un act. It is called, 'Ze Tango: Julchen." He lifted his right arm above his head in a circular motion and left his left arm to complete the circle below. Saucily swinging his hips, he continued. "It's un dark, dizzy, merry-go-round, un keeps you dangling." At this point, the brunet had picked up the mic stand to demonstrate by pointing the tip at the end.
Replacing it, the brunette protested. "You're vrong."
He went back to the speaker. "It's your heart she is mangling, Elizabeta."
"Look, Roderich, it's very different vis me." She knelt down to the speaker opposite of him.
"Und you toss und you turn, because her red eyes can burn, und yet you yearn und you churn und you rebound."
Incredulously, Elizabeta nodded. "I sink I know vhat you mean, Roderich."
"Has she yet pouted her lips un called you her, liebling?"
"Never," The Hungarian denied.
"Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?"
The brunette's eyes widened in disbelief. "Zhis is… Frightening." She asked, "Did you svoon vhen she valked srough zhe door?"
"Every time, so be… Cautious."
She shook her head and asked another question. "Did she moon over oser people?"
"More zhan moon, Elizabeta."
"I'm feeling raser… Nauseous."
Roderich stood up and invited her to tango. The Hungarian stood up as well, and, hesistantly, took off her green jacket. She sauntered over to him and danced with him. Suddenly, the Austrian asked, "Vhere did you learn to tango?"
"Vith the French ambassador's bisexual daughter in her dorm, at a private school. Und you?"
"Vith Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, the dance instructor at zhe community center." The brunette took his speaking to her advantage and took the lead, forcing Roderich to dance backwards. "Also, it's hard to do zhis backvards."
Elizabeta dipped him. "You should try it in heels." She looked up and saw her Julchen clinging onot the arm of some Englishman. Letting him fall to the ground, she growled in frustration. "She cheated, Roderich."
"She cheated on me as vell."
"Julchen cheated." Elizabeta almost couldn't believe it.
"Fucking cheating."
"I'm so defeated, I might as vell give up right now." The Hungarian was not one to cry, but she almost considered it.
"Vell, look on zhe bright side vith all of your might-"
"Roderich, I'd still fall for her anyhow!"
They stopped. "Try zhe mic again, Elizabeta."
Walking up to the mic, she said, "My Julchen…"
"Patched!" The Austrian smiled triumphantly. The brunette smiled back at him.
"Sank you, Roderich!"
"You know, Elizabeta, I feel great now!"
"Yeah, vell, I feel lousy." She grimaced. Just then, her phone rang. Quickly running over to her jacket and accepting the call, she said, "Hallo?"
On the other end, Roderich could make out a gasp of relief. Elizabeta's facial expression instantly changed from a grimace to look of horror.
"Liebling?! You've never called me liebling before!"