Both twins were asleep in their shared bed when Hikaru began to murmur in his sleep. Inadvertently he started to thrash around, seemingly in panic.
With a start, the older twin gasped awake, bolting upright and crying out in fright.
"Kaoru!"
When his brother failed to stir, Hikaru grabbed his arm, frantically trying to shake him awake.
"Whaaaat?" groaned Kaoru, his voice muffled in sleepy annoyance. He kept his eyes shut as he automatically moved closer towards his twin, reaching out an arm to blearily comfort him.
Instantly, Hikaru felt ashamed. He hated appearing as the weaker one; he was older than his brother and therefore felt some sort of duty to be the less vulnerable, more protective twin.
"S-sorry Kaoru…I just.." He trailed off, humiliation catching in his throat, "I had…I had a bad dream, that's all." To cover his embarrassment he quickened his speech, mumbling out the last few words, "It's nothing, sorry to wake you."
Kaoru sat up instantly, feeling bad for whining. "What was it about?" He rubbed a pale hand across his cheek and eyes in an effort to wake himself up.
Still feeling self-conscious, the older boy lay back down, this time facing away from his brother. "It doesn't matter…Can we just go back to sleep okay? I can barely remember it anyway."
Despite his strong words, his voice still shook slightly but Kaoru decided to humour him and simply stretched out next to him, wrapping his arms comfortingly around his twin.
"It was only a dream." Kaoru murmured soothingly.
About five minutes passed in silence until both of their breathing lapsed into steadiness.
"But I lost you…" whispered Hikaru
Kaoru reopened his eyes upon hearing his brothers voice and held him tighter. "I'm here now."
"You were gone though. I kept running, trying to find you...but nothing. All I could hear was you crying out and there was nothing I could do"
At that, Kaoru had no response. "Hikaru…" He tried, but his voice trailed off.
Hikaru rolled back over to face his twin but kept his eyes diverted out of shame. "I'm so scared of losing you. I'm so scared I'm pushing you away."
Pulling Hikaru into a tighter embrace, Kaoru comforted him with the simple words, "You could never lose me."
"I might. I might say something, do something, be something that pushes you away. One day you could get sick of me. Or- or you could meet someone else. Anything could happen-"
Kaoru cut him off with a shake of his head. "I would die without you, Hikaru."
Several minutes passed in silence.
"Kaoru...why did you try to set me up with Haruhi?"
"I wanted you to be happy..." Came the instant reply.
Quietness resettled as Hikaru considered the response.
"Kaoru...have you ever had a secret you couldn't tell anyone. Not even me?"
The reply was simple, almost indiscernible; a slight nod. Nonetheless, it caused a distraction as Hikaru became momentarily sidetracked by the new information.
"Really? Tell me!" He demanded.
"W-what? But..."
"Come on Kaoru." When his twin didn't respond, Hikaru smirked. "Then I'll tell you my secret."
The younger twin pouted in annoyance. "You tell me yours first."
Shrugging, Hikaru rolled over and pretended to go to sleep. "Nevermind then. Forget I said anything."
Not wanting to give in to Hikaru's obvious attempt at reverse psychology, Kaoru mimicked his actions and rolled so he was facing away from his twin. When he was almost asleep, and assumed Hikaru was, he took the chance to mumble his secret under his breath.
"I love you…"
"What!" Hikaru sat straight up in bed, staring at his brother in shock. After a couple of stunned seconds, he ran into their en-suite bathroom, locking the door before sinking to the floor, back pressed against the wall.
"Well that's the secret!" Yelled Kaoru, "Are you happy now!" He pushed his face into his pillow in an attempt to muffle his sobs.
Inside the bathroom, Hikaru was shaking. He knew he had to pull himself together, for his brothers sake. Resting his head in his hands, he took several deep breaths and when they failed to calm him, he slammed his fist into the wall.
"Fuck!"
Kaoru kept his face buried in his pillow, terrified by Hikaru's reaction.
"Please…don't hate me…"
Five tense minutes passed as Kaoru cried and Hikaru tried to compose himself.
He emerged from the bathroom, eyes red and face paler than usual. In silence, he lay back down and wrapped his arms around his brother.
"I don't hate you." He whispered.
There was no response.
"Kaoru? Kaoru? Listen to me. I don't hate you, I'm not mad at you"
At the lack of reply, Hikaru began to poke his twin repeatedly in the back with increasing strength.
"Kaaaooru. Kaaaooru. I'm not going to stop until you answer me"
In a mild attempt to shut Hikaru up, Kaoru turned over to face him but remained silent.
Hikaru leant down slightly from where he was lying until he was eye to eye with his brother. Slowly, giving Kaoru time to move away, he shifted closer. When Kaoru didn't move, he closed the remaining distance between them and pressed his lips gently to his twins. A hand came up to cradle Kaoru's cheek and to wipe away the stray tear lingering there.
Almost inaudibly he whispered, "There. That's my secret…and the reason I'm so scared of losing you."
"H-Hikaru…" He was close to tears again as they rose in his throat, choking his words.
"Don't. Don't spoil this. Please."
The two stayed quiet for another minute, absorbing the enormity of what had just happened.
"Kaoru, why are you crying. Don't you want this?"
Kaoru nodded softly. "I- I just thought I'd be rejected..."
Hikaru knew all too well about the expectation of rejection and so didn't push it. "How long have you felt this way?"
"As long as I can remember..." Replied his brother with a faint smile.
Hikaru smiled; that devilish smile that Kaoru- and the rest of the host club- knew only too well meant trouble.
"Have you ever dreamt about me?" A grin curled around his lips.
Kaoru nodded absent-mindedly, giving no thought to what Hikaru's twisted smirk would entail.
Teasingly, Hikaru lightly ran a finger down Kaoru's bare arm. "Tell me about it."
The younger blushed and shook his head quickly.
Hikaru leant in closer so their mouths were almost touching before hissing gently in his ear. "Tell. Me."
Kaoru shivered slightly and blushed darker before shaking his head even more rapidly. "I-It's bad."
"The badder the better…" Hikaru let his words trail off ambiguously as he traced circles on the younger boys' bare skin.
Out of nowhere, Hikaru pressed himself closer to his twin so their chests touched, separated by nothing but thin t-shirts and their breath warmed each others lips.
Kaoru responded eagerly to the touch, wrapping his arms around the others neck and burying his face in his collar bone.
The circles Hikaru was tracing trailed suggestively lower until they had reached Kaoru's thigh, causing a shaky gasp from him.
Both of their hands moved faster now, fuelled by lust. Hikaru reached back up, frantically pushing Kaoru's t-shirt out of the way so he could press himself against bare skin. Still their lips did not touch but both twins arousal was evident. Hikaru's eyelashes fluttered in yearning as he touched his forehead to his brothers and breathed. "Touch me Kaoru. Let me know how long you've waited for this moment."
When Kaoru didn't react straight away, he moaned lightly with impatience and built up desire before pulling him into a kiss.
Kaoru gasped into his mouth and reached a hand lower.
Hikaru leaned back, laughing slightly. "Ahhh, but brother…that will cost you. Tell me a dream and I'll swap you a kiss."
His face flushed as he muttered into Hikaru's chest. "Last night. You…you were…touching me. It felt so good and every time I thought it was over, you did something else, something better."
"Is that why you ran straight into the bathroom this morning?" Hikaru teased before giving the younger twin the promised reward.
"So…" He was serious now, thoughtful. "How far are you willing to take this Kao-kun?"
Kaoru looked up at him, eyes filled with longing. "I've wanted this so long. Please don't make me wait anymore."
Smiling as if he'd known the answer from the start, Hikaru let his hand dance lower, stroking his twin through the thin fabric of his boxer shorts. Kaoru responded by gripping him tighter and making a mewling sound of pleasure, silenced by Hikaru's mouth on his. The noises the younger boy was making drove him wild and it was taking all his concentration not to just lose it there and then.
Kaoru's hips bucked against him as Hikaru moved on top of his body, pressing him into the mattress. Unable to control himself any longer, he dipped his hand inside the waistband of his brothers' boxers, causing a delighted hiss of pleasure from the boy. Almost gasping from want, Hikaru nudged their underwear down, slowly circling his hips to gain friction and heat between them both. Kaoru whined in pure delight as Hikaru pressed closer to him, his erection hot and hard against his inner thigh.
"Touch me." Hikaru moaned, his voice husky with want.
Tentatively, Kaoru obliged, nervously running his hand over Hikaru's thigh before moving inwards to cup him. The two carried on in this fashion for a while; hesitant touches, stifled whimpers and messy, wet kisses exchanged until the two came together. A rush of hot emotion as they frantically grabbed at each other before collapsing into one another's arms.
Content sleepiness washed over them as they held each other. Laying gentle kisses on Kaoru's forehead, Hikaru whispered one last thing before falling asleep.
"Please don't ever leave me."