Robin knows that there was something important she was forgetting. Scratch that, she practically knew nothing about herself. For some reason she only remembered her name and skills in tactics and fighting. But absolutely nothing about her past life.
She has built a new life ever since that day. That day when she reached out to Chrom's hand after he found her lying unconscious on a large field. She was happy with her current life. She met new comrades and friends along the way, but she can't help but be bothered with her lack of memories.
Was her personality different from before she had amnesia? Did she have a family? Friends?
A lover?
She knows that somewhere during her journey with Chrom in the war against Plegia, she started to have feelings for him. At first, she thought it was just lust for the Ylissean prince. He was handsome and kind after all. But then that lust turned to like as she got to know him. Then finally, that like somehow turned to actual love.
But what if she already had a lover she couldn't remember anything about? Wouldn't it make these feelings wrong? It's like betraying a stranger she didn't have any memory of. She shook the thoughts off at first. It's not like Chrom would actually return her feelings right?
It was just a one-sided love, nothing more.
She chanted those words in her mind day after day, hoping that she will forget about her feelings for him. Someday, he will propose to someone else. He will marry her and Robin will be smiling for them at his wedding. He will have a child with his new wife and perhaps another and she would still be happy for him. Yes, she would still be happy for him, right?
All thoughts of that happening flew straight through the window when Chrom confessed his love for her. It was on impulse that she confessed her feelings as well. It was one thing to pretend that she didn't love him when she thought it was one-sided though it was entirely different when it was mutual.
She remembered clearly what happened after that. It escalated so quickly that she barely knew what was happening anymore. They were standing at the entrance to Chrom's tent and then suddenly they were inside. He was gently taking off her clothes while she was tugging off his. Clothes lay forgotten on the ground; he proceeded to push her down on his bed.
And she felt bliss, so much bliss. They were holding on to each other tightly, moaning out each other's name like it was a lifeline. He was touching her everywhere as she did him; acting as if it was the last time they were ever going to touch each other ever again. The never ending pleasureful pattern of push and pull was all she thought about until she went over the edge. She heard him moan out her name as he, too, reached his end, releasing inside of her. He embraced her and they would whisper endearments to each other.
It wasn't until after she watched him slowly fall asleep that the guilt finally hit her.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!
Apologizing over and over again to that unknown lover she might have had. Maybe she was thinking too much and she never had one, but it was still a possibility.
She couldn't sleep that night, crying silently as tears trickled down her cheeks.
How can she be so selfish?
Afterwards, she avoided him like the plague unless it was for discussing battle strategy. Whenever he wanted to confront her, she made an excuse and left. She saw the hurt in his eyes, but she endured. It was for the best. He didn't deserve her. He deserved someone better. He didn't even know anything about her. How can he—How can he when even she didn't know anything about herself?
And then, Emmeryn sacrificed herself.
She can see how much suffering he was in as he led the Shepherds. He didn't act like his usual self, his face contorted with grief.
The battle was over, but the pain remained.
She couldn't continue doing this to him. Not when he needed her most. Ending their love, ending them would be the final straw to break him.
The night was quiet and tense when she barged into his tent. They stared at each other, but didn't say a word. His eyes were hollow and dull, so unlike the confident, shining eyes she loved to lose herself in. She ran to him and protectively wrapped her arms around him as if he was a crying child. She let him sob quietly in her arms.
And then, the war was finally over.
They soon married.
He was grinning brightly at their wedding day. He kept on telling her how beautiful she was in her wedding dress and how he will make her happy forever. Robin just smiled back and laughed happily alongside him. But secretly she felt so happy and yet so utterly empty.
And then, she was pregnant.
It frightened her at first, but she was also uncontrollably excited. There was a life growing inside of her, a child born from their love. Chrom got very protective of her and their child. She tried reassuring him that everything was going to be alright, that she was always going to be by his side, but he insisted on her safety. She knew that the pain from Emmeryn's death never went away for him.
And then, she gave birth.
Their newborn daughter was the most beautiful baby girl she has ever seen. She looked just like Chrom, with the mark of Naga on her left eye. He was overjoyed, the happiest that she ever seen him. He held Lucina like she was the most valuable treasure in the world. She was just as happy, but that trace of doubt in her mind was still there.
I don't want to remember.
She didn't want to know her true identity. She didn't want to know who she was before. She didn't want to remember her memories. If she didn't remember, then she could simply continue to pretend that everything was alright, that she wasn't betraying someone out there. Continue to pretend that her happiness was not at the expense of another.
That it was alright for her to continue to be happy like this.
.
.
.
Wow...That was so much more depressing than I intended it to be. I wanted to write a lemon, but chickened out. It just came out vague and upper short. My first attempt at a M-rated fic was a failure. D:
Sooooo, what do you think? :