Title: Family Guy; Dungeons & Dumbasses

Summary: Peter Griffin gets into dungeons and dragons, meanwhile, Meg falls in love with her substitute teacher, and Brian and Stewie aren't here because stewie won a bet and brian has to be his servant in cancun.

Rated: M for mature (Bad words, We talk about girl parts and boy parts, uh, people get hurt, so if you're one of those moms who signs permission slips for your kids, you may wanna steer clear of this one)

Disclaimer: If Seth McFarlane was a fat, ugly, gross chick with hepatitus i'd still love her.

Chapter 1 - D&D's comin' to town!

On a typical night in Quahog, Peter, Quagmire, and Joe were all sitting at the

drunken clam.

"So who would you rather do? Salma Hayek with Justin Timberlake's head, or Sofia Vergara with Leo DiCaprio's head?" asked Quagmire

"Come on, Quagmire, enough with the mans head on women's bodies questions, they're all dumb." said Joe

"Yeah Quagmire, you gotta be more innovative than that." said Peter

"Oh yeah, what's your question?" asked Quagmire to Peter

"Oh geez, would you rather be stuck on Fantasy island or Gilligan's island?" asked Peter

"That's a good one." said Joe

"Gilligan's! The girls were just beggin to get laid!" said Quagmire

(cutaway)

Ginger and Mary Ann are in their hut.

"Oh, Ginger, can you undo my top!" asked Mary Ann

"Sure, but um, I need my zipper unzipped." said Ginger very clearly and loud.

The 2 ladies undressed each other.

"I wonder if anyone's watching?" asked Ginger

"well, let em look." said Mary Ann,

"Giggity." was heard off-screen

"Gilligan! Stop spying on the girls!" yelled the Skipper

"I'm not Gilligan." said Quagmire's voice

"Oh s***!" the Skipper yelled out

(end cutaway)

"Hey, what's on the news?" asked Peter, looking at the TV

"Good evening, i'm Tom Tucker." said Tom "In the news, Quahog is having it's 6th annual Dungeons & Dragons convention at the Quahog civic centre. Cost is only 2 dollars and you must roll more than a 10 to get in."

"Oh geez, not this again. That whole Dungeons & Dragons thing is just stupid. Who really wants to run around pretending to be a level 75 nerd?" asked Peter

"It helped me get laid with Suzie Biggleswan, oh man, those SNGs." said Quagmire

"SNG? What is that, a bra size i've never heard about?" asked Peter

"No Peter, it's stands for Sexy nerd girl. I told her she could've leveled up if she slept with me." said Quagmire

"And did she?" asked Joe

"Hell yeah she did! Alright!" said Quagmire.

"Oh well, I still don't like D&D." said Peter

"So give us another question, Peter." said Joe

"Ok um, ok. Black or gay?" asked Peter

()()()()

The next day at James Woods high, Meg was walking through the halls when Neil

Goldman came up to her with his medival costume.

"Hello Meg, want to be my fair maiden at the Dungeons & Dragons convention?" asked Neil

"Neil, we've been through this, i'm not into D&D!" said Meg

"Meg, you should understand that I am an expert swordsman on Skyrim and I have every item on World of Warcraft." replied Neil

"Neil, didn't you remember that time we went to the water park and you tried charming Taylor Swift with that talk?" asked Meg

(Cutaway)

About 5 girls were sitting at the pool, with Taylor Swift in the centre.

"Oh my god, those boys are so cute...too bad they already have girlfriends. I'm gonna dedicate my whole next album to them." said Taylor.

Then Neil came up.

"Hey there, Miss Swift. Want to be swiftly carried away with me?" asked Neil

"Oh god, I hate nerds. Nerds suck! But i'm such a nerd too." said Taylor

Just then, 2 boys, named Phil and Ben, pushed Neil into the pool.

"Hahaha! Sucker!" said Ben

"Oh look, there's a quarter on this nerdy girl's back!" said Phil

Phil unintentionally undid Taylor's bikini top, and Taylor ran off embarrassed from being stripped.

"Oh gee, her boobs sure are lopsided." said Phil

(End cutaway)

As Neil walked away, Meg had a long look on her face.

"Aw, I need a boyfriend." said Meg

She walked into physed class and stood next to her friends. All the physed teachers came out except for Meg's.

"Good morning students, today, Miss King isn't here, she's at gay camp to be treated for being a lesbian, but today, we have your new Physed teacher, mr. Bronson.

Mr. Bronson walked out. He was a big, muscular guy in a track suit, with blonde hair. Meg instantly fell in love.

"Now we go out and run laps, ya?" said mr. Bronson