Lauren's POV

People seem to think being a recovering anorexic is easy; all you have to do is start eating right? Well it's not that simple. You can't just break habits that you've developed just because someone waves their magic wand and 'fixes you'.

I'm so fed up of it all 'Lauren have you eaten today?' 'Lauren that's not a portion' 'Lauren you've got to eat'. I wish people would leave me alone and stop trying to make me fat! it took me years to get this tiny I wasn't sick I was strong.

Blaine, oh Blaine everytime he nags me about food I want to scream at him that I'm not a little girl anymore and that I can look after myself but I don't. I can't he doesn't deserve it and I love him so much I'll do anything I possibly can to hide the vile sickness that has consumed me. He has enough on his plate with dad and the abuse he gets without me adding to his stress.

I can't stand it when dad beats Blaine he doesn't deserve it, out of the two of us it should be me that dad beats I'm the fat, ugly family disgrace. The one who was hospitalised because she 'forgot when to eat' instead because his son likes other boys he feels the need to 'straighten him up' and abuse him.

We've started to have dinner at the Hummel-Hudson household more often I know Blaine feels safer there and they are all nice enough but they always seem to have the most calorific foods apart from when Kurt's cooking thank goodness for Kurt.

As well as that there's always someone that points out I'm not eating enough! This is usually Kurt who'll say something like 'Laurie boo are you sure that's enough I think you should try and have a little more' and then Blaine will give me puppy dog eyes until I give in.

It's worse at Sofia's though, she lives with her cousin Brittany and her aunt. Her aunt seems to feel the need to 'fatten me up' -not that I'm not already fat enough-. One time I was at Sofia's house and her aunt kept on offering me food including some homemade leek and potato soup and even though I'd declined all the food she had given me I ended up been given half a packet of Oreos.

I'm constantly disagreeing with Sofia about food and weight and looks, she's so happy with the way she looks and her weight -being 125lbs and 5'9 she better be!- I've always been the chubby one out of the two of us, the shorter, fatter, uglier one.

Post recovery and at a 'healthy weight' of 138lbs at 5'6 I should be happy but I'm not. I can't deal with recovery right now. I'm not ready. No one has the time to weigh me weekly and my dad is too embarrassed to send me to see the nutrionist or psychiatrist there's no point in recovering is there?

I'm going to find a weight to 'stick at' I'll get better one day just not today.