To Watch the Sunrise

Chapter 1: Grief

By: stu14688

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. He is a trademark of J. K. Rowling. Please don't sue.

It was late. Everyone had gone to bed hours ago, but Harry Potter was still awake. He was plagued with nightmares. As a result, he could only manage to get a few hours of rest each night. Tonight, though, Harry had not woken up from his nightmares, but rather from the noise that the other occupants of the house were making and the steadily growing pain in his scar.

It was common to hear movement at Number 12 throughout the night, as there was always someone on duty in cases of emergency. Tonight, however, the movements were panicked and there was more than one person awake.

Harry tossed restlessly in his bed. Something bad was happening. He knew it; he could feel it in his bones. As quietly as he could, he got out of bed and left the room he shared with Ron. He entered the kitchen to find a harried Molly Weasley fearfully wringing her hands.

"Mrs. Weasley?" She jumped slightly at the sound of Harry's voice.

"Oh, Harry dear. What are you doing up? You should be in bed asleep."

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "No bother. I'm normally awake by now anyway. I heard a lot of noise. What's going on?"

Harry looked at Molly and he could tell that she was inwardly debating as to whether or not to inform him of the situation. This only heightened his alarm. He knew that if she did not want to tell him, then something bad either had or was happening. He felt that familiar fury at being kept in the dark rise up in him, but he managed to control it.

Mrs. Weasley opened her mouth to speak, when suddenly Hermione dropped from nowhere at Harry's feet. An old shoe landed a foot or so away. Harry reached down to help her up, but quickly knelt beside her when he noticed that she was shaking.

Within a second, Molly was right beside the two teenagers, spouting questions ninety to nothing. Hermione was answering none of them; actually, to Harry it appeared that Hermione had not even heard the questions.

It seemed to Harry that an hour had passed since Hermione had portkeyed to headquarters, when in reality, it had only been about a minute. Molly had quit asking questions and was sitting, looking at Hermione's shaking form for answers. Harry gently placed a hand on Hermione's shoulder. She jumped violently at the touch, but did not look up.

Harry could feel Hermione shaking as he spoke. "Hermione, what's happened?"

Looking up quickly with fear in her eyes, totally ignoring Molly's presence, Hermione grabbed Harry, burying her face in the front of his nightshirt. She was crying and speaking in broken phrases. "Oh Harry…They're gone – he was there…What am I going to do…They didn't do anything…Why, Harry, why…" She dissolved into desperate sobs that racked her entire body. At first, Harry had been unsure as to what to do, but he eventually held her tight and stroked her back while she cried into his chest.

Harry had never seen Hermione this upset. He still was not sure as to what had happened, but if he had his guess, then he would bet that Voldemort had something to do with it, which was never good. He decided to ask her again. "Hermione, what happened? You can tell me anything."

Although she had quieted somewhat, Hermione was still shuddering with tears. Harry continued to hold her as she spoke.

"We were asleep, and…and then th-there was a, a huge crash. I – I cracked my door and s-saw M-Mu-Mum a-and D-Dad in the hallway…"

She broke into more tears as Harry tried to comfort her. He looked around the kitchen to find that Remus, Tonks, Mr. Weasley, and Dumbledore had entered and was now sitting solemnly at the table. He was surprised that he had not heard them enter the house, but then again, he had been focused on Hermione for the past few minutes. Harry could see the sorrow etched deeply into their faces. Hermione, who obviously had not noticed the others, regrouped and spoke again.

"He was there, Harry, there in-in the hall. P-pale as a ghost. Th-those eyes. Re-red, blood red. I, Harry, I wa-was so scared. He-he was laughing…"

She looked at Harry dead in the eye. He could see nothing but pain and fear in them. He knew what was coming and tightened his arms around her. Without looking away from Harry, though still crying hard, Hermione said it. "He killed them. I-I saw it. Gr-green light…tw-twice. They're gone, Harry."

She collapsed back onto him. He rocked her as he spoke. "I'm sorry Hermione. I'm so sorry. He'll get what's due him. I'll make sure of it…Go ahead – let it out."

All was quiet in the room, and Harry looked up to see that Ron and Ginny had joined the adults at the table. Whether they had heard noise or had been awaken by an adult, Harry did not know nor did he care. It was enough that they were there. Ron gave Harry a look that was asking what was wrong. Harry shook his head ever so slightly and signaled that he would tell Ron later. Worried, but abated, Ron nodded and sat back into his chair.

Harry felt a fist collide with his shoulder as Hermione stiffened in his arms. He looked down at her to see her face contorted in rage, grief, and exhaustion. "I hate him, Harry. He's going to die, even if I have to do it myself." Hermione was no longer crying tears of sorrow, but tears of anger and hate. She pulled away from Harry and looked at him. He knew she wanted him to respond to her words. He sat dumbly for a few seconds before saying something he hoped was comforting.

"I hate him too, Hermione. I hate him for what he's done to you and for what he's done to everyone else in this room. But you won't be able to kill him, Hermione-"

"And why do you think that? I can take that monster." Hermione's voice was rising in anger. Her eyes were flashing. She hated being told that she could not do something.

Harry raised his voice slightly, little did he notice but it was also higher in pitch than normal. "Because he'd kill you Hermione. He's too powerful for you. You'd be dead before you even had your wand raised. Hermione, listen to me, you can't go after him – not now, not ever." Harry knew he sounded desperate. He just hoped that it was convincing also.

Hermione looked even more defiant. "Then I'll meet him with my wand raised and the incantation on my lips. I'll-"

Harry grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her somewhat, as if he was trying to shake the idea from her physically. "Hermione, please listen to me. There are more reasons than you know as to why you wouldn't be able to kill him." He knew that he had to get the idea out of her head without revealing the prophecy. Now was neither the time nor the place for her to hear that. She was not easily subdued, though.

She yelled, her voice full of irritation and grief. "Then tell me, Harry. Tell me all the reasons that I can't avenge my parents' murders. What makes you so sure that Voldemort would just kill me? You survived him b five /b times. Do you think you're the only one who can?"

He had to tell her something. He could not lie to her though. Harry looked up at Dumbledore who merely nodded his head, telling Harry to reveal the prophecy. Harry looked back pleadingly, but was met with the tired eyes of Dumbledore. He looked into Hermione's fiery gaze and decided on a half-truth. "The prophecy is why, Hermione." He had his head hung in shame and weariness. Somewhere during their exchange, both Harry and Hermione had stood up, and were now facing each other. Hermione had her back to the others; Harry was across from her. Every eye was on them.

Hermione seemed to have lost her usual gentle bone. Her voice was scathing when she spoke. "The prophecy? That thing that broke back in the Department of Mysteries? What does it have to do with my parents' deaths and my revenge?"

Harry looked up at the girl before him. He could see the pain in her eyes and her stance. His heart wrenched at the sight. "The prophecy has everything to do with tonight, Hermione. I know what it says; Voldemort doesn't. He wants to know what it says and will use any means necessary to get the information."

Hermione gasped, but the fire in her eyes only grew. She spoke in a scandalized whisper. "My parents died because of you and some prophecy that they didn't even know existed?"

That accusation hurt, even if Harry knew that it was only the grief within her talking, but there was still no denying it. Harry looked at the floor and let out a resigned yes. Voldemort had only gone to the Granger home because of their association with Harry. Harry looked up and met Hermione's blazing eyes. "I'm sorry that this happened Hermione. It's because of me."

"Harry sorry isn't hardly good enough this time. Everything always seems to lead to you. Ginny nearly died because Tom Riddle wanted to kill you. Pettigrew escaped because you had mercy on him. Ron was nearly killed on that chessboard because you had to get the Philosopher's Stone…"

She continued to berate Harry for the things that had happened in connection to him. No one else could speak. It was a stunned silence at the table. With every reference Hermione made, Harry's shoulders drooped a little more. Her final accusation against Harry was Sirius' death. Then all went silent.

After about a minute, Harry spoke in a choked whisper. He had an enormous lump in his throat. "I know Hermione. Your parents, Sirius, Cedric, Bertha Jorkins, that old muggle man, even my own parents are dead because of me. I have been the cause of a lot of pain and suffering – of insults and injuries."

His voice had been rising in pitch again. He had to stop to get a gulp of air before continuing. A second after he stopped, Harry continued. "I can't be sorrier for the pain I've caused or the stupid things I've said and done. It tears me apart, Hermione, to see you in such pain. I would rather die than to see you or anyone suffer as you all are. One day I will kill him. One day he will be gone, and when I do, I'll leave. You won't hear from me again. I'll even leave now if you want me to. Just say the word, Hermione."

Harry broke off, the lump in his throat making it too hard to continue. Molly moved to go to the teenagers, but was held back by Dumbledore. "Let them help each other, Molly."

Harry had sunk to the floor beside the wall, no longer aware of anyone except Hermione and himself. He had taken his glasses off and sat them on the floor beside him. His clothes were too big; his hair was messier than usual. He was thin and pale with dark circles residing under his eyes as a testament to the many sleepless nights he had endured over the past month and a half. He held his head in his hands, shaking it to and fro, constantly murmuring "I'm sorry; I'm so sorry."

Hermione was still standing across from him. Her hair, once pulled back for sleeping, hung in a loose bun at the nape of her neck. Flyaway hairs frizzed out around her face. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, while her face was blotchy. She was still shaking from the whirlwind of emotions she was feeling. She looked nothing like the ordered Hermione everyone knew. With a fresh onslaught of tears, she ran to Harry and pulled him into a bear-like hug. He neither embraced her nor turned her away. Hermione gripped him all the tighter.

"Harry I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said those things. I'm just so confused and lost right now, and I wanted someone to blame it on. You were there – Harry forgive me please. None of those things is your fault. They're in connection to you, yes, but they're not your fault. Harry please forgive me. I don't blame you, and I don't want to hurt you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry…"

Harry could not hold all that he felt any longer. He fiercely put his arms around Hermione, telling her over and over again that there was nothing to forgive. Though he desperately wanted to, he fought the urge to let all his anguish out on her shoulder through tears. He resigned to sit there in the floor and be held by his best and most loyal friend of nearly six years.

After a couple of minutes, the two teenagers loosened their grip on one another. Hermione was the first to speak. "Harry, I feel so empty inside…I don't know how I'll continue to go on. How do you do it? How do you live everyday?"

Harry sighed deeply before answering. "I don't think I do anymore, Hermione. I'm a living being, but I don't actually live. I merely breathe, sleep, and eat. I hardly do the latter two. You're a stronger person than I am, though. You'll find a way. I know you will." Somewhere from the table, Harry heard the sharp intake of breath. He guessed it was from Mrs. Weasley.

Hermione looked up at him in earnest. "Harry you're strong too. We'll help each other through this. I won't leave you – I promise. It's always darkest before the dawn, and I have every intention of watching the sunrise with you, Harry. Please say that you'll watch it with me."

Harry pulled completely out of Hermione's embrace and looked into her brown eyes. It was time to tell her, he knew it. "I really do want to watch the sunrise, Hermione. It's just that there may not be a sunrise for me. The prophecy that I mentioned earlier – I know what it says. I've known since June."

Here he paused and closed his eyes. He had never intended to tell her or anyone for that matter in this setting under these circumstances. Harry took a deep breath and opened his eyes before continuing. "It said that there's only one person with a hope of defeating Voldemort, and that person is me. It said that I either have to kill him or be killed by him. '…Neither can live while the other survives…' Hermione, I want so badly to promise that I'll be there when the sun rises, but I can't. I can only promise to try."

There was a collective intake of breath from the occupants of the room. Hermione placed a trembling hand on Harry's cheek. Sighing quietly, Harry closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. His few hours of sleep combined with the emotional roller coaster ride he had just experienced, had left Harry exhausted. He wanted nothing more than to fall asleep right there with Hermione holding his head in her palm.

Hermione's eyes searched the weary face of the boy who held the world on his shoulders. Her heart ached that he had to endure so much. She wished with all her might that she could lessen his load, but she knew that was impossible. She could only be there for him when things became more than he could bear. "You'll see the sunrise, Harry. I'll see you through this. I promise."

Harry slowly opened his eyes and sat up. Hermione saw that he wanted to argue with her. Tell her that it was his battle and that she was not going to be anywhere near it for her own safety. However, to her surprise, he did not argue. Standing up, he shook his head. "I'm not going to tell you that you can't be there because I know you'll come anyway. Just know that I don't approve, and if you decide that you want to find safety, then you're more than welcome to. Right now, I'm exhausted, and you look like you could do with a few hours sleep yourself. C'mon, I'll walk you to your room."

Hermione took Harry's hand and stood up. Without another word, the two teenagers walked out of the room to find a place to rest, leaving everyone else in a stupor around the table.

A/N: Well, here is another one from me, stu14688. I hope that you liked it. Now, I have a question for you. Do I: A) leave as is, B) add a chapter on the reactions from the others in the room and an epilogue, or C) add just the epilogue? Please review with your answers. If you choose B, then be warned that it'll take longer as I have to finish the second chapter and revise the epilogue. If you choose C, then you'll only have to wait for the revision which should only take a few days.

Well, that's all I have to say for now. I'll see ya later. Take care everyone! ; )