Frail Earth
By Kalika-Chan
Disclaimer: Umm…ok, Joss and Mutant Enemy own BTVS, but I own this story.
Rating: R, swearing and everything else.
Part 1- Back So Soon
*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Love. The very glue that holds this universe together.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*
For over 120 years, Spike never felt so betrayed as of this moment.
The feeling was in his gut, deep down, wrecking him from limb to limb. Every movement, every muscle froze. If he had a heart, it would've stopped beating. If he had a soul, it would've stopped living. If he had a thought left…it would be how much he loved the slayer.
His world was gone, left utterly along in perfect solitude. The air surrounded him, not daring to breathe. Going back was the hardest. Everywhere he went, there was her scent, her eyes, and most of all, her. Buffy.
Spike tried to stop thinking about her, tried to stop loving her. But he knew it was impossible, so he just gave up. He kept telling himself he was going to get over her, but in reality, he wasn't. Not ever.
She filled him. His every being, every molecule in his body longed to be with her. No matter who she was, where she was, she would always be Buffy. Just like he would always be the monster inside.
Clearly, she wasn't thinking likewise.
Down in the lower level of his crypt, she stood pacing in front of him, wringing her hands as she talked. She was scolding herself. Spike hated seeing her like that, but he knew he would only make things worse by interrupting. He let her go on. As long as the slayer let it, she was fine. Fine. The most wonderful word in the English dictionary.
"This isn't working. This has to stop, Spike." Buffy stopped, chest heaving and hands on her hips. He knew the look, all the Summers women had it, Joyce, Dawn, and now Buffy.
"Sure thing, pet."
"No, I'm serious." Of course she was.
"I know. That's a nifty old tune you got there." Spike shifted, running his hand back through his now messy tangled hair.
Buffy didn't seem to hear anything he was saying.
"Oh, god. What was I thinking? Oh, wait… No, no, no...." Spike frowned. She was going crazy. Ranting to herself nonstop.
Buffy started pacing again.
"Christ. Just because Giles left…"
Spike sat up on his bed, smoking a cigar hanging out of his mouth and looking at her. He cringed his neck as he watched her walk over to his fridge. She opened the freezer to find packets of frozen blood.
"Ugh." She sighed in disgust. In the back, she found a bottle of bourbon. Buffy normally hated bourbon, but she drank anything with alcohol at a time like this.
Taking a swig, she turned around to face the vamp on the bed. She stared accusingly at him.
"You tempted me." Her deadly whisper sent shivers through him. He recovered fast.
"You wanted me too." He pointed out, trying to defend himself.
Spike regretted it the moment the words leaped from his lips. She was clearly trying to blame everything on him, and it wasn't working.
Buffy's lips tightened, and she pursed them together, her eyes narrowed like a predator. It wasn't going her way. She had just wanted him to give in. Always being the competitive type, she hated it when she lost something.
But this…this was Spike. For minutes, she was silent. Spike waited. He was patient. He was kind. To her, anyway. The slayer didn't speak. Instead, she walked back to the edge of the bed and sat down, away from him. He tried to move closer to her, but she ducked away. Hurt flashed across his face, but he wouldn't let her see. Getting up, the blonde vampire took the bourbon out of her hand and drank the rest.
Silence.
Still, he waited.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
It doesn't matter what I want
It doesn't matter what I need
It doesn't matter if I cry
Don't matter if I plead
*+*+*+*+*+*+*
He was getting tired of this game.
*+*+*+*+**+*+*+*
You've been on a road
Don't know where it goes
Or where it leads
*+*+**+*+*+*+*
Buffy laid her head down. It was hard. It was more than hard. She never broke up with anyone before. But you couldn't really call this breaking up. She was never with Spike in the first place.
'Just tell him off, B.' Faith was trying to dominate her again. No one else every called her B. No one. She missed the old girl. As evil and bad as she was, Faith was a great slayer. Buffy wished she had seen that earlier. Angel did. There would always be a part of the rogueness inside her. If only she were here. Faith would know. Faith would know how to handle situations like this. But Buffy didn't. Everything Faith had, she didn't.
She closed her eyes, feeling tears threatening. No, she wouldn't cry. She wouldn't let Spike see.
Spike sat down, far away from her, but still fixed on her. He wondered what was going on.
"This isn't working, Spike." Buffy said, quietly, after what seemed like an eternity.
He sighed. Didn't she always say this? But her tone was different. Her melancholy voice drifted off in the distance, laden with sorrow and sadness that filled her large droplets of tears. It hurt. It hurt him so much to see her like this. It hurt even more knowing there was nothing he could do about it. Spike just watched as she twisted her hands roughly, almost as if she intended to break her own fingers. Lovely fingers they were, hands with the strength of a dozen men, hands that fought and killed. Yet, they didn't match the rest of her now. Buffy was sad, weak, little, and vulnerable. He resisted the urge to hug her.
"I can't do this anymore."
Her phrase disappointed him.
"I can't…" she trailed off, the tears coming as she started to shake. He didn't know whether she was laughing or crying.
She said it a lot, but she meant it this time. It had to end. This had to end. If she could, she would give herself to him, but she couldn't. Not like this.
Buffy cared. Faith wouldn't have cared, but she was not Faith. She cared. She knew how much he was hurting, and it hurt her knowing how much he suffered. She really did believe him, she did believe he loved her. She really didn't think he was a monster. Demons can be…well demonic, but so can humans. Living her life every day, the slayer knew there were people who were monsters too, humans. And Spike wasn't one of them. A monster wouldn't give his life to save another's. A monster wouldn't be loyal to anyone. Spike had proved himself.
"Buffy…why?" Spike leaned forward, eager to hear her answer, yet afraid of what she would say.
"I just can't do this." She said one last time. Spike watched as she got up and left without a glance. Buffy didn't just leave. She didn't leave and come back the next night, she left. Possibly forever. Who knew what that nit thought?
The realization dawned on him and he felt his heart break. She wasn't coming back. Spike stared blankly at his surroundings before burying his head and cried.
*+*+**+*+*+*+*
I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine
*+*+**+*+*+*+*
In the darkest of nights, a single lampost was lit on Revello Drive. It illuminated the street, casting shadows in every little corner of nearby houses. The quiet of the evening shunned out the living and beckoned the dead. No creature could be seen. Daft winds blew softly, coating clouds of gray. Moist green leaves shimmered in the medley skylights and stars. But who really appreciated the tiny acts of Mother Nature. It didn't change anything.
A dark figure stood underneath the lighted lamp. His face was hidden among the reflections, but he was clearly tall, dark, and handsome. He wore a long dark coat and heavy boots with black pants.
He heard a puppy's weak little yelp and the owner scolding him. Envy filled him. The dog at least had a home and people who cared for him, unlike the vampire. He wasn't welcome here; he knew that, but came anyway. There was something he needed to do.
Leaning against the pole, feeling the coldness on his black, he lifted his hand to touch his dark amber hair. The stranger never smiled, never felt happiness, for he knew what would happen if he did. Chocolate eyes gazed toward the house down the street. It had been a while. He missed it. He the missed the beautiful landscapes, the goodness of the people, the evilness of Hellmouth, but most of all, he missed her.
"Angel." He turned around to see Faith, grinning like a little girl receiving a birthday present.
"Faith."
"Thanks…for the bail." Faith said sincerely. Angel was probably the only person in her life to ever care for her. After serving her time in jail, he had come. To her. She owed him everything, even going back to Sunnydale. The rogue had taken a liking to LA, but she couldn't refuse the one favor Angel had asked her.
"You deserved it." He said softly.
"No, I don't. I don't deserve anything, but thanks." Faith grew serious. Angel noted the expression on her face. It was regret. Faith knew. Faith knew what she had done wrong, but she wanted to change, and he was going to help her.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*
On that same night, Buffy was pondering her own existence. She had hurt everyone around her, starting with her dad. Why had she been allowed to live? Why not bring another slayer? Things would still be the same.
But she was wrong. Nothing was the same; nothing will ever be the same. The first time she had come to Sunnydale was trouble. Buffy knew better than to get involved with Angel, but she did anyway and hurt him. She had to stop before she hurt Spike too. Oh God. Then again, why did it matter if she hurt the vampire's heart? It wasn't like he had one.
The petite blonde stood in front of her closet, trying to decide what to wear. Her mind was somewhere else. She couldn't exactly focus. She leaned forward until her forehead touched the door and sighed.
Love sucks.
She watched as the heavy fat raindrops splattered outside her bedroom window. A giggle rose inside her. What was she doing? This was no time to laugh, to be happy, to live. No, she didn't deserve it. A hand went to her nose, covering the pain and sobs that wrecked her body. Buffy fought as hard as she could endure, but her mind disobeyed. Her mouth split and her lips trembled. She was so scared. The slayer broke down, drowning in her own tears.
She eventually quieted down, and flopped wearily on her bed. Closing her dark hazel eyes, Buffy squeezed a nearby pillow, wishing it was Spike. Curling into a ball, she wrapped her strong arms around herself. The bed sheets twanged with her struggling body, smelling distinctly like tobacco, dirt, and blood.
She almost wished he were here with her. It was so much easier. The harder she tried the shut him out, the harder he came back. Like throwing a tennis ball against the wall and watching it bounce back to you, only to throw it out once more. How long was this going to go on?
Buffy couldn't worry about that now. Getting up, she kicked the closet door angrily, feeling the heat rise out of her and her toe starting to throb with pain. Thumbing through her clothes roughly, she picked out a pair of jeans and a cotton blouse. Once again staring at herself in the mirror she started to cry. The tears came fast and steady, but she refused to brush them away. She was strong. The slayer was strong. Nonetheless, the wetness on her cheek grew.
Hastily, Buffy walked over to the door, ready to head out. She passed by the window.
That's when she had stopped.
Her heart pounded, threatening to jump out.
Not daring to do so, Buffy moved closer and closer to the window, almost afraid.
She could swear someone was there. Something familiar.
Fear and nervousness surrounded her, bending her will. Slowly, ever so slowly, she peered down.
A dark shadowy figure stood in her yard, gazing up at her, his face unreadable. Dark brown hair and dark brown eyes shone in the moonlight. Angel.
Buffy felt like…floating. Was he really there? Rushing down the stairs, she slammed the door and ran out to meet him.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*
After so much suffering
I finally found unvarnished truth
I was all by myself
For the longest time
So cold inside
And the hurt from the heartache
Would not subside
I felt like dying
1 Until you saved my life
*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Willy's was particularly busy tonight. A certain blonde vampire sat half-drunk at the bar, muttering to himself. Depressed that the slayer rejected him again, he lifted his cup to drown himself in his sorrows. Of course he had meant to go after her, but he never did.
Spike regretted it, but he doubted she would've listened. He regretted every falling in love with her. He got more than he had ever hoped for, but that only hurt him more and long for her endlessly.
Glancing around, he watched the demons that were laughing and playing poker. He felt a wave of despair. He could never be one of them again. Rejected by both worlds, he had no where to go. Spike would never be accepted into Buffy's human world and his alliance with the slayer wasn't demonic enough to be in the demon world. They no longer wanted him.
With the implant in his head, he could only hunt demons. Spike took the risk and got on the wrong side.
Spike turned back around to see Willy refilling his cup. He shook his head and pushed it away. Getting up, he headed out to buy Buffy flowers.
*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*
Clutching the bouquet of cheap daises in his left hand, he strolled down her street. He wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do, if this was the kind of stuff girls like Buffy went for, but he had to try something. He wanted her back.
And there it was, Revello Dr. He breathed in deeply, even though he didn't need to, and approached her house. But someone was already there. Someone was hugging his Buffy. Someone had beaten him to comfort her. That someone was his grand-sire.
By Kalika-Chan
Disclaimer: Umm…ok, Joss and Mutant Enemy own BTVS, but I own this story.
Rating: R, swearing and everything else.
Part 1- Back So Soon
*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Love. The very glue that holds this universe together.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*
For over 120 years, Spike never felt so betrayed as of this moment.
The feeling was in his gut, deep down, wrecking him from limb to limb. Every movement, every muscle froze. If he had a heart, it would've stopped beating. If he had a soul, it would've stopped living. If he had a thought left…it would be how much he loved the slayer.
His world was gone, left utterly along in perfect solitude. The air surrounded him, not daring to breathe. Going back was the hardest. Everywhere he went, there was her scent, her eyes, and most of all, her. Buffy.
Spike tried to stop thinking about her, tried to stop loving her. But he knew it was impossible, so he just gave up. He kept telling himself he was going to get over her, but in reality, he wasn't. Not ever.
She filled him. His every being, every molecule in his body longed to be with her. No matter who she was, where she was, she would always be Buffy. Just like he would always be the monster inside.
Clearly, she wasn't thinking likewise.
Down in the lower level of his crypt, she stood pacing in front of him, wringing her hands as she talked. She was scolding herself. Spike hated seeing her like that, but he knew he would only make things worse by interrupting. He let her go on. As long as the slayer let it, she was fine. Fine. The most wonderful word in the English dictionary.
"This isn't working. This has to stop, Spike." Buffy stopped, chest heaving and hands on her hips. He knew the look, all the Summers women had it, Joyce, Dawn, and now Buffy.
"Sure thing, pet."
"No, I'm serious." Of course she was.
"I know. That's a nifty old tune you got there." Spike shifted, running his hand back through his now messy tangled hair.
Buffy didn't seem to hear anything he was saying.
"Oh, god. What was I thinking? Oh, wait… No, no, no...." Spike frowned. She was going crazy. Ranting to herself nonstop.
Buffy started pacing again.
"Christ. Just because Giles left…"
Spike sat up on his bed, smoking a cigar hanging out of his mouth and looking at her. He cringed his neck as he watched her walk over to his fridge. She opened the freezer to find packets of frozen blood.
"Ugh." She sighed in disgust. In the back, she found a bottle of bourbon. Buffy normally hated bourbon, but she drank anything with alcohol at a time like this.
Taking a swig, she turned around to face the vamp on the bed. She stared accusingly at him.
"You tempted me." Her deadly whisper sent shivers through him. He recovered fast.
"You wanted me too." He pointed out, trying to defend himself.
Spike regretted it the moment the words leaped from his lips. She was clearly trying to blame everything on him, and it wasn't working.
Buffy's lips tightened, and she pursed them together, her eyes narrowed like a predator. It wasn't going her way. She had just wanted him to give in. Always being the competitive type, she hated it when she lost something.
But this…this was Spike. For minutes, she was silent. Spike waited. He was patient. He was kind. To her, anyway. The slayer didn't speak. Instead, she walked back to the edge of the bed and sat down, away from him. He tried to move closer to her, but she ducked away. Hurt flashed across his face, but he wouldn't let her see. Getting up, the blonde vampire took the bourbon out of her hand and drank the rest.
Silence.
Still, he waited.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
It doesn't matter what I want
It doesn't matter what I need
It doesn't matter if I cry
Don't matter if I plead
*+*+*+*+*+*+*
He was getting tired of this game.
*+*+*+*+**+*+*+*
You've been on a road
Don't know where it goes
Or where it leads
*+*+**+*+*+*+*
Buffy laid her head down. It was hard. It was more than hard. She never broke up with anyone before. But you couldn't really call this breaking up. She was never with Spike in the first place.
'Just tell him off, B.' Faith was trying to dominate her again. No one else every called her B. No one. She missed the old girl. As evil and bad as she was, Faith was a great slayer. Buffy wished she had seen that earlier. Angel did. There would always be a part of the rogueness inside her. If only she were here. Faith would know. Faith would know how to handle situations like this. But Buffy didn't. Everything Faith had, she didn't.
She closed her eyes, feeling tears threatening. No, she wouldn't cry. She wouldn't let Spike see.
Spike sat down, far away from her, but still fixed on her. He wondered what was going on.
"This isn't working, Spike." Buffy said, quietly, after what seemed like an eternity.
He sighed. Didn't she always say this? But her tone was different. Her melancholy voice drifted off in the distance, laden with sorrow and sadness that filled her large droplets of tears. It hurt. It hurt him so much to see her like this. It hurt even more knowing there was nothing he could do about it. Spike just watched as she twisted her hands roughly, almost as if she intended to break her own fingers. Lovely fingers they were, hands with the strength of a dozen men, hands that fought and killed. Yet, they didn't match the rest of her now. Buffy was sad, weak, little, and vulnerable. He resisted the urge to hug her.
"I can't do this anymore."
Her phrase disappointed him.
"I can't…" she trailed off, the tears coming as she started to shake. He didn't know whether she was laughing or crying.
She said it a lot, but she meant it this time. It had to end. This had to end. If she could, she would give herself to him, but she couldn't. Not like this.
Buffy cared. Faith wouldn't have cared, but she was not Faith. She cared. She knew how much he was hurting, and it hurt her knowing how much he suffered. She really did believe him, she did believe he loved her. She really didn't think he was a monster. Demons can be…well demonic, but so can humans. Living her life every day, the slayer knew there were people who were monsters too, humans. And Spike wasn't one of them. A monster wouldn't give his life to save another's. A monster wouldn't be loyal to anyone. Spike had proved himself.
"Buffy…why?" Spike leaned forward, eager to hear her answer, yet afraid of what she would say.
"I just can't do this." She said one last time. Spike watched as she got up and left without a glance. Buffy didn't just leave. She didn't leave and come back the next night, she left. Possibly forever. Who knew what that nit thought?
The realization dawned on him and he felt his heart break. She wasn't coming back. Spike stared blankly at his surroundings before burying his head and cried.
*+*+**+*+*+*+*
I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you're mine
*+*+**+*+*+*+*
In the darkest of nights, a single lampost was lit on Revello Drive. It illuminated the street, casting shadows in every little corner of nearby houses. The quiet of the evening shunned out the living and beckoned the dead. No creature could be seen. Daft winds blew softly, coating clouds of gray. Moist green leaves shimmered in the medley skylights and stars. But who really appreciated the tiny acts of Mother Nature. It didn't change anything.
A dark figure stood underneath the lighted lamp. His face was hidden among the reflections, but he was clearly tall, dark, and handsome. He wore a long dark coat and heavy boots with black pants.
He heard a puppy's weak little yelp and the owner scolding him. Envy filled him. The dog at least had a home and people who cared for him, unlike the vampire. He wasn't welcome here; he knew that, but came anyway. There was something he needed to do.
Leaning against the pole, feeling the coldness on his black, he lifted his hand to touch his dark amber hair. The stranger never smiled, never felt happiness, for he knew what would happen if he did. Chocolate eyes gazed toward the house down the street. It had been a while. He missed it. He the missed the beautiful landscapes, the goodness of the people, the evilness of Hellmouth, but most of all, he missed her.
"Angel." He turned around to see Faith, grinning like a little girl receiving a birthday present.
"Faith."
"Thanks…for the bail." Faith said sincerely. Angel was probably the only person in her life to ever care for her. After serving her time in jail, he had come. To her. She owed him everything, even going back to Sunnydale. The rogue had taken a liking to LA, but she couldn't refuse the one favor Angel had asked her.
"You deserved it." He said softly.
"No, I don't. I don't deserve anything, but thanks." Faith grew serious. Angel noted the expression on her face. It was regret. Faith knew. Faith knew what she had done wrong, but she wanted to change, and he was going to help her.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*
On that same night, Buffy was pondering her own existence. She had hurt everyone around her, starting with her dad. Why had she been allowed to live? Why not bring another slayer? Things would still be the same.
But she was wrong. Nothing was the same; nothing will ever be the same. The first time she had come to Sunnydale was trouble. Buffy knew better than to get involved with Angel, but she did anyway and hurt him. She had to stop before she hurt Spike too. Oh God. Then again, why did it matter if she hurt the vampire's heart? It wasn't like he had one.
The petite blonde stood in front of her closet, trying to decide what to wear. Her mind was somewhere else. She couldn't exactly focus. She leaned forward until her forehead touched the door and sighed.
Love sucks.
She watched as the heavy fat raindrops splattered outside her bedroom window. A giggle rose inside her. What was she doing? This was no time to laugh, to be happy, to live. No, she didn't deserve it. A hand went to her nose, covering the pain and sobs that wrecked her body. Buffy fought as hard as she could endure, but her mind disobeyed. Her mouth split and her lips trembled. She was so scared. The slayer broke down, drowning in her own tears.
She eventually quieted down, and flopped wearily on her bed. Closing her dark hazel eyes, Buffy squeezed a nearby pillow, wishing it was Spike. Curling into a ball, she wrapped her strong arms around herself. The bed sheets twanged with her struggling body, smelling distinctly like tobacco, dirt, and blood.
She almost wished he were here with her. It was so much easier. The harder she tried the shut him out, the harder he came back. Like throwing a tennis ball against the wall and watching it bounce back to you, only to throw it out once more. How long was this going to go on?
Buffy couldn't worry about that now. Getting up, she kicked the closet door angrily, feeling the heat rise out of her and her toe starting to throb with pain. Thumbing through her clothes roughly, she picked out a pair of jeans and a cotton blouse. Once again staring at herself in the mirror she started to cry. The tears came fast and steady, but she refused to brush them away. She was strong. The slayer was strong. Nonetheless, the wetness on her cheek grew.
Hastily, Buffy walked over to the door, ready to head out. She passed by the window.
That's when she had stopped.
Her heart pounded, threatening to jump out.
Not daring to do so, Buffy moved closer and closer to the window, almost afraid.
She could swear someone was there. Something familiar.
Fear and nervousness surrounded her, bending her will. Slowly, ever so slowly, she peered down.
A dark shadowy figure stood in her yard, gazing up at her, his face unreadable. Dark brown hair and dark brown eyes shone in the moonlight. Angel.
Buffy felt like…floating. Was he really there? Rushing down the stairs, she slammed the door and ran out to meet him.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*
After so much suffering
I finally found unvarnished truth
I was all by myself
For the longest time
So cold inside
And the hurt from the heartache
Would not subside
I felt like dying
1 Until you saved my life
*+*+*+*+*+*+*
Willy's was particularly busy tonight. A certain blonde vampire sat half-drunk at the bar, muttering to himself. Depressed that the slayer rejected him again, he lifted his cup to drown himself in his sorrows. Of course he had meant to go after her, but he never did.
Spike regretted it, but he doubted she would've listened. He regretted every falling in love with her. He got more than he had ever hoped for, but that only hurt him more and long for her endlessly.
Glancing around, he watched the demons that were laughing and playing poker. He felt a wave of despair. He could never be one of them again. Rejected by both worlds, he had no where to go. Spike would never be accepted into Buffy's human world and his alliance with the slayer wasn't demonic enough to be in the demon world. They no longer wanted him.
With the implant in his head, he could only hunt demons. Spike took the risk and got on the wrong side.
Spike turned back around to see Willy refilling his cup. He shook his head and pushed it away. Getting up, he headed out to buy Buffy flowers.
*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*
Clutching the bouquet of cheap daises in his left hand, he strolled down her street. He wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do, if this was the kind of stuff girls like Buffy went for, but he had to try something. He wanted her back.
And there it was, Revello Dr. He breathed in deeply, even though he didn't need to, and approached her house. But someone was already there. Someone was hugging his Buffy. Someone had beaten him to comfort her. That someone was his grand-sire.