A Malkuthian Shadow

[Also Known As "Tear's Costume Title Has Unexpected Side Effects On Princesses"]

A short and shippy Tales of the Abyss fanfic
by Jessica X

WARNING: Characters and locations © Namco Bandai. Story/plot © me! All rights reserved. Rated M for mature themes (edging into nsfw in the final chapter). Characters depicted are of consenting age. Contains game spoilers. Set (generally) in the middle of the final act of the game. More notes below.

THEME SONG: "Amazing" by Foxes

CHAPTER ONE

Mystearica Grants wasn't sure why she thought her idea was a sound one. Intriguing, sure, and possibly beneficial for a dear friend. But not sound.

Why had she come to the island of Nam Cobanda? Their last visits to the hideaway for misfits and artists had been tedious and annoying. Anise seemed to enjoy the performances, and Guy was always fond of watching the Fon machines whir and spin. But it was a waste of their time; they should have been hunting Asch and Mohs, and trying to destroy the miasma. The fate of their entire world hung in the balance…

"See anything you like?"

Not that the world was her only concern. Recently, a more personal one had come to the forefront of her mind that she tried her best to ignore — to put the needs of the world ahead of the needs of their team, as they had all done so many times before. But as long as they were near Radessia, what was the harm in stopping in to pursue something else of importance?

"Ma'am? Are you alright?"

"Oh," Tear muttered, blinking. "Sorry, I'm just… distracted."

The woman in the blue overalls chuckled as she watched the gentle-voiced sergeant pass her gloved fingertips over the fabrics hanging from the racks. Some of the costumes were rather plain, and some were so flamboyant she was sure no one in the history of Auldrant had ever worn such finery.

"I don't think that's quite the truth, is it, sweetie?"

"What?"

"You have something you're really focused on," the woman said with a twinkle in her eye. "I'm the distraction. Why are you wandering around backstage? I'm sure there's a reason."

Though she resented how pushy the woman was being, Tear couldn't pretend she wasn't a hundred per cent correct. There would be no harm in asking. "Do you have… people who can make costumes based on real people?"

"What real person?"

"Oh, maybe… Asch fon Fabre? O-or 'Asch The Bloody', I guess."

Her knowing smile made Tear's stomach clench in fear. "Ohhh. You're lucky; Noir already had that one commissioned."

"What?! I mean… why?"

"Why do you want it?"

Tear looked away, tucking a light brown strand of hair behind her ear. "None of your concern. I have Gald, if that's the issue. And I'd like it right away if possible."

"Now I have two questions: why do you want it, and what's your hurry?" When Tear only pressed her lips together into a thin line, she laughed and said, "Alright, I can see it's important to ya. Even if you're being so stubborn. Right this way."

Something was strange about the closet the woman reached for. Though it didn't make any sense, and there was no real basis for the thought, she had the distinct impression that it had been empty before the woman reached for the handle. She threw it wide…

And there was a complete replica of the armour belonging to Asch. Every detail was perfect; the red accents at the tops of the bicep-length gloves and the thigh-high boots, the two belts… even the red wig perched atop the mannequin looked exactly like Asch's long hair. Much to her surprise, a prop sword in the exact likeness of the Key of Lorelei he carried also stood in the corner.

"Well?"

"Uhm…" Blinking, she asked, "Is there any way… do you have four-inch heels?"

"We have three-inch lifts we can put in the sole of the boots, which should boost you up about four inches. All costuming departments have those." The woman didn't even have to walk far to retrieve them for Tear, and she put them into her hands.

"Oh." Blinking down at the lifts, which were quite springy and comfortable, she asked, "How much?"

"Hmm. Let's say fifty."

"Fifty Gald? That's all?!"

"Yes. And one other thing." Her finger came up to waver between their two faces. "When you're through with the costume, try to bring it back in one piece."

Tear squinted at the woman, glancing between her and the flawless reproduction. "How do you know I won't keep it?"

"Just a feeling. But I think we both know I'm right."

"Fine." She parted with the Gald, then said, "Have it sent to the Albiore — discreetly, if you can."

"Of course. Pleasure doing business. Good luck."

All the way back to their ship, Tear tried to shake the feeling that she was making some kind of egregious mistake. It refused to budge.

~ o ~

The Seventh Fonist had meant to make use of the Asch costume that night. However, nerves got the better of her; this was a stupid plan. Ludicrous! How was she supposed to assume this wouldn't come across as pandering, or condescending? Every day, she felt less and less sure of following through and more certain that it was the world's most ridiculous notion and that she ought to forget about it completely.

What did she know about matters of the heart, anyway? This had always been an area of human consciousness that defied her best attempts to understand. Luke fon Fabre, Asch's less-standoffish clone, seemed drawn to her but she had no idea whether or not he was interested in being more than allies. They were bound together in the fight to stop her brother Van from annihilating the entire population of humanity and replacing them with mindless replicas, simply because he hated the so-called "righteousness" of the priests' beloved Score. That kind of dependence made people need each other. She couldn't assume anything deeper with Luke, and her inexperience with romance made it foolish to try.

So she had decided she would abandon the plan… until the conversation they had nearly a week after her trip to Nam Cobanda.

"Every time."

"D-don't be ridiculous," Princess Natalia Luzu Kimlasca-Lanvaldear responded as they guided the Albiore through the skies toward Keterburg. They were all quite sweaty and nasty from their latest battle and needed both a hot bath and a decent night's sleep before returning to their ongoing quest.

"You dooooo," Anise Tatlin jeered, kicking her short legs back and forth. Though she was a teenager, her size and exuberance put one in mind of a primary schoolgirl. "Literally every time we see Asch, you blush."

Natalia ran a hand through her shoulder-length blond hair to try and hide her embarrassment, if only for a moment. "You're making things up. I have never blushed; princesses don't blush. Or sweat."

"Then what do you call that moisture all over your face and neck?" Guy Cecil asked with a good-natured chuckle. He was making things worse, but Tear knew he honestly didn't mean to.

"Guy! That's- how rude!"

He flinched away from her outburst. "Wh-what did I say?"

"Who knows with Natalia?" Luke griped. Though he did reach over to pat her shoulder. "And it's no big deal; we're all pretty gross after that last fight. I really hope we're done with the Sword Dancer by now!"

"Hmm," Jade Curtiss mused, adjusting his spectacles. "I rather hope we aren't. The data from facing such a fierce opponent will likely prove invaluable in our future skirmishes."

The rest of their troupe reeled back from him, surprised by his callousness, as per usual. It was Natalia who spoke up. "Would it be worth it if we all died fighting him?"

"Of course. Though not to us, obviously; we would have to trust those who came after to make use of said data." He gave one of his usual careless shrugs, a glint of amusement in his eyes. "After all, it's rather conceited of us to assume we're the only ones capable of carrying on this crusade against Van's opposing crusade. Wouldn't you agree?"

As always, Jade was pushing, teasing the team purely to see what their reactions would be. Tear had noticed that literally every situation was a science experiment; even the social situations most people would never think to examine beyond their surface. She didn't always understand why he was doing it, but it was a recurring theme nonetheless.

"Fine," Natalia sighed. "As long as we agree this is a lot more important than whether or not I do foolish things in front of Asch."

Jade's hand went to his chin. "Hmm. Is it, though?"

"YES! Oh, just… leave me alone!"

They should all have respected her wishes. But Tear had to say something. It was the shadow of sadness in Natalia's eyes, even beneath the blush and the frustration with Jade, that made it impossible to stay silent.

"You don't do foolish things," she offered.

"What?" Natalia asked.

"You don't. I…" Her throat tried to close up, but she managed to continue. "Asch is merely focused on the mission — retrieving the Key and the Jewel, destroying the miasma. It has nothing to do with you."

The princess tried to smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Oh, I know. It never has anything to do with me. Asch just… knows what his duty is. Maybe after this is all settled, he can feel more comfortable worrying about some old childhood friend again, but for now… I understand why I can't be important to him. Not when the fate of the world is…"

Natalia never finished the sentence. No one else dared pick up the dangling conversation, and so it faded away as the ship came in for a landing just outside the city walls. Tear didn't dare to make a big deal about things she didn't fully comprehend in the first place. Not in front of everyone in a way that was sure to make Natalia yet more embarrassed than she already was.

Perhaps her plan would be needed, after all.

~ o ~

The hour grew late. Everyone would be in their hotel rooms by that point, tucked in and snoring away. Only Jade might still be up, but Tear knew he would be poring over his notes on the Score and their enemies, trying to gain them an edge. Either she made her move now, or she would probably never get the chance — either because they succeeded and they parted ways, or they did not succeed and all would be meaningless.

Though she had intended to slip in unannounced, she couldn't bring herself to do that. A quick, quiet knock on the door was the best middle ground she could manage.

"Hm?" came a somewhat sleepy voice from the other side. Tear took that as license to enter. She had just eased the door shut when it added, "Who's there?"

This had been one of the roadblocks keeping her from going through with the plan. Every time she tried to imagine how she could have a conversation without giving herself away, she drew a blank. Finally, it had come to her in a flash: the one way she might get away with this. If it didn't work, then so be it.

"Shh," Tear whispered as she approached the bed, trying to pitch her voice as low as she could. She could never allow herself to speak normally, or the ruse would instantly be over. "I can't stay long. And please, keep the light off."

Natalia sat up in bed, a hand pressed to her heart through her silk nightgown. "Asch?! Wh-what are you doing here- why are you in my room this late?"

Tear knew that Natalia would at least be able to see her silhouette in the vague moonlight from the window. That was why the details of her costume were so important to get right; why she only trusted the costumers of Nam Cobanda Isle to produce it. Between the costume, wig, and whispered voice, she hoped it would be convincing. She ran her hand over the wig as if it were her real hair, though she was careful not to jostle it so much that the pins holding it against her actual brown locks might come loose.

"Because I had to speak with you alone. Or else… I couldn't do this. Not in front of that replica." It had to be believable. Even though she hated calling Luke that, Natalia would see through her charade immediately if she didn't copy some of his mannerisms.

"Oh. But… what is it you want?" Her surprise was wearing off, replaced by wariness.

"To speak with you."

"Why? You've never seemed to make that a priority before."

Tear didn't take it personally; Asch was the one who had to answer for his callousness, and she was not Asch. But while in the disguise, she had to behave as he would, so she sighed. "I deserve that. But during our last few meetings, I could tell you wished to say more. I have tried to focus on duty, but… your sadness haunts me."

Her clear eyes slid away, pointing toward the door again. "I didn't mean to distract you. Don't be distracted anymore; please just… ignore me."

"I do enough of that as is. With good purpose, even if it means I cause you pain." Was she being a little too theatrical? It didn't sound much like Asch, so she tried to refocus. "Anyway, uh… please, go on."

"Go on with what?"

"With what you've wanted to say to me. Trying to work toward our goals keeps me so preoccupied that I think I've hurt you without meaning to. So… anything you've wanted to say to me, or shout at me, I wanted to try giving you a chance to do that."

Natalia merely sat for a moment, hands clenching on the sheets draped over her lap. "What could I say? You have a mission. There's… nothing that can be done to fix this until we save Auldrant, anyway."

"Say it now. When all this is over we could say more, do more. That's what I was trying to tell myself, but it's not enough. You look so sad every time you see me; that isn't right. Isn't fair to you."

"Is there something wrong with your voice?"

"What?" She cleared her throat and tried to pitch it even lower before whispering, "I haven't been feeling well. Just a little tickle."

"Well… okay, if you're sure? I could cast a spell to-"

"No! I mean, uh… it's not worth wasting your strength."

"Alright." With a little sigh, she focused on her hands again. "I still don't know what you want me to say. But if you're sure…"

Tear nodded enough so that it could be seen in the low light. "Yes. I want to hear this; I need to."

"This is so frustrating! I can't think of anything, except that… I miss you, Asch. And I wish you would just journey with us; I think we could solve this world's problems so much faster if we all worked together!"

"I know. I'll explain why we couldn't later." And he would, if Tear had anything to say about it. Both Luke and Natalia deserved answers for his stubborn refusal to cooperate.

"Why not now?"

"Because it isn't time. I know that isn't satisfying, but… please, there has to be more you aren't saying."

She wanted Natalia to really unload. There was a lot of hurt and pain weighing on her, and if she could get that off her chest, she would probably spend less time looking out of the Albiore's windows with a forlorn sadness none of them could touch. That was the goal of this exercise. Maybe it would do no good, but she couldn't bear to see such a kind-hearted princess carrying around so much agony. It was unjust.

"Asch… I can't." Her voice was strained, but resigned. "You can't talk to me, anyway, which is mostly why I'm upset. So how am I supposed to talk to you?"

"Try. And I'll have heard you."

"Heard me what? Am I supposed to confess that I'm in love with you?" Even as Tear's pulse skyrocketed, worried that this conversation would be far more than she bargained for, Natalia scoffed. "Come on. We've known each other our whole lives! Well… I guess we haven't, but…"

"I wish I could have done things differently." Which was probably true; she didn't doubt Asch had deep regrets about missing out on so much of Natalia's life, even if he might have no desire to get to know her currently. Only he could know that.

"I know you thought the God-Generals were doing what was right, but… you could have found a way to come back into my life, Lu- Asch."

Letting out a little chuckle she didn't truly feel, Tear breathed, "That's just it; I couldn't as long as the replica was around. He had to completely take my place. Not just a little."

"Maybe he has." They were both silent for a moment. "Do you even care about our promise to each other? I know we can't marry while the world is in danger… you probably don't want to, anyway. But does it mean nothing to you?"

Tear's heart was breaking. "Natalia… you mean so much. Not just to me, but to many people. Your friends would all die for you." This was what she had been hoping to say, and she was glad of the opportunity. "You're a kind, compassionate, noble woman now. And everyone can see that. Our childhood promise was important then, but who you have grown up to be is much more important. So… stay with Luke- I mean, the replica. Do your best for the good of the world and for yourself."

For a few seconds, Natalia pondered those words. At first, she thought maybe they had worked; that she had helped her get past her melancholy. That would be both astounding and satisfying. But as it turned out, she was mistaken.

"Something's wrong."

"Hmm?"

"You actually called him 'Luke' just now. I thought you hated him."

Tear coughed into her fist, trying to lower her whisper again. "Slip of the tongue."

"Under all that grumpiness… you like him. Don't you?"

"No." It was very hard for her to suppress her own personal reaction to such a question. Much though she didn't want to admit it, she had been drawing gradually closer to Luke. Ever since he discovered he was a replica, he had changed so much; become a kinder, gentler, more caring soul. And some of that caring was definitely focused on Tear. Her face was already heating up just from Natalia mentioning it. But she couldn't give that away with her voice while she was impersonating Asch!

"Hmm… alright." But she could tell the princess wasn't convinced; she was simply too polite to keep pressing the point when "Asch" was obviously uncomfortable with the discussion. Unlike Anise or Jade, who would have kept needling him relentlessly.

"We're not here to talk about that copy." But then again, they had already covered the main topic. "I'll… leave you be. It's late and you should be sleeping."

Even in the low light, the sadness that stole across Natalia's face was evident. "Oh."

"We'll meet again soon. And perhaps, when all this is over…"

"Of course." Smiling bravely, she squared her shoulders before adding, "Thank you for coming to check on me, Asch. Even if I'm still not completely sure of why you did."

"Neither am I." That much was pure honesty. Tear really had no idea why it suddenly become so important to cheer her teammate up in such a harebrained fashion. Maybe it was the one or two moments she had caught Natalia crying when she thought no one was looking. Maybe it was just that she felt a duty to a fellow woman who seemed to be suffering so much.

"Will… you come to visit me again? It doesn't have to be soon. But I like talking to you this way, without you feeling like you need to act so aloof and manly."

Remembering her current role, Tear folded her arms over her falsely-masculine chest and scoffed, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"It's alright. You probably think I'm trying to tease you, but I was just stating fact. All that posturing… it's not the Luke that I grew up around. Just a role that you play so everyone will take you seriously."

"Enough. I need to go." Clearing her throat, she added, "And… I may act like I don't remember that we even had this conversation the next time we meet. But please never think that you're completely unimportant to me just because of how I act. You have never been unimportant."

"Oh, I am," she laughed bitterly, wadding up the sheets between her fingers. "I'm a decent archer and can weave few healing spells, but other than that I'm pretty replaceable."

"Don't say that!" Tear found herself hissing, taking a step closer to the bed. "You're a beloved princess and a… a bastion of peace! And your healing spells are of great assistance to your team!"

There was a hint of suspicion in Natalia's eyes again. "You really do sound different tonight. But… anyway, you're wrong about that. We have an incredible healer with us. Tear is so much stronger, braver, and more capable with Fonic hymns than I'll ever be."

Such praise was so unexpected that Tear fell completely silent, a hand over her mouth. She meant to continue to build Natalia up, to both validate her as a person and reassure her that Asch didn't see her as worthless — even if that turned out to be a lie. No one could know that until the man himself broke his surly silence and actually voiced his feelings, if he had any buried under all that anger. But suddenly, the princess had turned the tables on her and she was the flattered one. Someone so regal really thought so highly of her?

Meanwhile, Natalia seemed to misinterpret the silence. "Alright, I know. You want me to acknowledge that I'm an asset to my friends. I guess they wouldn't want me along if I weren't."

"Yes, that's… that's better." After that awkward recovery, she took a step toward the door. "As I said, you will remain close to my mind as I do what must be done. Until we meet again-"

"Wait!" The word was said loudly instead of whispered, and Tear worried that she wouldn't be able to keep this meeting a secret if the others were awoken. Even though the hotel in Keterburg was quite expensive and well-built, the rooms weren't entirely soundproof.

But when she turned, she saw she had a new problem. Natalia had stood from the bed and looked as if she wanted to dash to her side. Though she raised a hand to ward her off, Natalia still took a step forward.

"Go back to sleep."

"I can't. Just… I need to ask you one thing first. Just one."

Gritting her teeth, Tear hissed, "Fine." It was what Asch would have done.

"Who am I to you?"

"You… are Princess Natalia. And a friend from the past. No more." She hated having to say that, but if she said anything else, it might lead to much worse misunderstandings in the future. Already, she had a feeling this was the worst mistake of her young life, but she wouldn't exacerbate the problem.

That feeling surged in potency as she felt two hands falling against the collar of her uniform. Tear took a step back, but Natalia pressed forward until she had her pinned against the door. All seemed dark around them, as Natalia's body was blocking out most of the light, far away as the window was.

"N-Natalia, please!"

"That's really all?" she insisted. Her eyes weren't simpering, or angry, or morose. It was an even, penetrating gaze.

"Yes! Now… stop this, I need- I really should have left already!"

"Asch, why can't you just be honest with me? Either…" Her voice tightened. "Either tell me I mean nothing to you, and you're only doing this out of some kind of weird obligation, or… or tell me… tell me that we could mean more to each other! But stop lying! I can tell you are, I just don't know what the lie is!"

Tear's throat worked, but she couldn't come up with another sound. This was definitely a disaster. As Natalia pressed in, she raised her hands to grasp at her shoulders, though her grip was so weak that she couldn't force the insistent princess away.

"Nothing? Really?"

"Natalia, I…" Her face was drawing closer, and she went entirely still. Terrified.

"I've wanted to be with you since we were children. Even before I understood what it meant to… to…"

Taking one bracing breath, she hissed, "This is… not proper. I can't answer you right now. Please, just… just ask again another ti-"

That was all the warning she had before sweet lips were attacking her own. It could be described no other way: hands clenching on her lapels, holding her in place against the door as Natalia kissed her deep, lips pursed hard. Tear had no idea whether or not it was a real kiss, because she'd never had one before. And now…

'Natalia is kissing me,' she thought in sheer alarm. 'This can't be happening!'

The worst part was that she wanted it to stop, but couldn't seem to do anything to make that happen. Natalia's grip was not fierce, she could have thrown her off easily — but her arms wouldn't obey her. Even the kiss was relatively gentle in spite of that initial burst of urgency, and did not feature an open mouth, which would have terrified her in all new ways!

Finally, the princess seemed to realise that her Asch was not returning the gesture, had not swept her into her arms and given her all she wanted. The lips withdrew, and the eyes sought shadowy ones slightly above her own.

"That… didn't feel the way I expected. It was… you were so gentle, and…"

Now that her mouth was free, Tear tried to form words, but what was there to say? It had been such a strange moment in her life that she had no idea where to begin. Eventually, Natalia seemed to notice that she was getting no response, and she took a half-step backward.

"Was I… was it not good?"

"What?"

"My kiss. Did I not do it right? I've never tried…"

She looked so forlorn and horrified that Tear answered before she had the chance to think. "The kiss was fine. You were fine; it's not that you did anything wrong! Please don't- don't ever think that, Natalia."

"Then what is the matter? You just…" Her hand crept up to hover just below her lips, and she whispered, "You really don't have those feelings, do you? For me. It's alright if you don't! But I can tell now that you… that what I did was over the line, and you weren't ready, or never wanted it, or… I don't know. But thank you for trying to protect my feelings. I'm just sorry it b-became necessary."

She wanted to comfort her more, to wrap her in a warm embrace and tell her that Asch did love her. But she couldn't outright lie; if it turned out Asch didn't love Natalia, it would break her heart so much worse to have been led to believe he did.

"You should go now," she said with a brave little smile. Tear was sure her eyes were watering, though she was having trouble telling in the low light. "I'll… yes, I think I'd like to get back to sleep."

"Natalia?"

But the princess walked calmly back to her bed and threw herself onto it face-first, shivering. To her credit, she was crying silently enough that the sobs couldn't be heard, and Tear only knew she was because of how close they were to each other in that moment.

This was her chance to exit. So why wasn't she taking it? She knew why. She just needed to find the right words before she could. And the right way to convey them.

Natalia stilled even more when she felt lips pressing into the sole of her bare foot — the nearest and most exposed part of her. Tear tried not to think too much about what she was doing or she might not have been able to go through with it. Either way, it was over in a fraction of a second, and once she pulled back she could see the misty eyes of the Kimlascan princess wide and focused upon her.

"You are worthy of love. I'm sorry I'm not the one for you here and now, when you need love the most. But please… don't think you are unworthy. That is the worst lie."

The confused green eyes seemed to be flicking between her foot and Tear, then focused on the latter as she stood and returned to the door.

"Will you… come back to see me?"

"We will see each other again. And I want you to remember what I said; you are brave, and strong, and beautiful. You deserve someone who can treat you as you deserve."

Then she slipped out, breathing a sigh of relief only when she was down the hallway. Near her own room's door, she heard Natalia's click open, so she hurriedly dashed inside and dove under the covers, but no one came knocking.

It seemed she had pulled off her charade, after all. But at what cost? Now Natalia probably thought now more than ever that Asch was harbouring secret feelings of love for her. There was no future in which this would not result in the worst of complications, for Natalia alone and for their entire team. And worse than that…

'She kissed me,' Tear thought again in complete shock as she slowly got ready for bed. 'And… I didn't hate it. Am I losing my mind?'

To Be Continued…

NOTES: Hi! I know, I know, I'm supposed to be working on Precious Little Knives, and Bind Us, and Coven... but sometimes inspiration strikes and you're powerless to resist. At least this one's REALLY short comparatively!

It's a little funny that out of all the Tales titles I could write a fic for, it ended up being Abyss. My all-time favourite is Symphonia, though the one closest to my heart is Destiny, since it was the first I ever played and it captured my attention immediately. By now, I own just about every "Mothership" title in the series that's available in North America, save one or two. But none of this probably matters to readers who haven't played them so I'll move on; you should be able to pick up on most of the plot of Abyss by reading this fic without needing to pregame.

Tear and Natalia are definitely a crack ship. In fact, I don't really ship them, but I do like the camaraderie they share. A near-sisterly relationship, and for two women who basically have never had real friendships before the events of the game, that's important. However, when I had the random idea "What if Tear dressed up as Asch to make Natalia feel less crappy about him being a giant bag of dicks?" all hope was lost. It had to be done! And as you know, I basically just write shippy things all the time, so...

I hope you like this one as much as I liked writing it!

Jessex