Confession

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Big WOOP.

Ron and Hermione were sitting in the common room alone on a warm Saturday, in front of the fire and chatting. Harry had told them to leave him alone, that he wasn't feeling well, and Hermione tried to keep protesting until Ron pulled her away from the boys' dorm.

The fire was warm and made them feel fuzzy inside, even though their mood wasn't the best. Well, Hermione's, anyways.

"I'm just so of worried about him!" Hermione ranted. "He needs to tell someone about Umbridge and his constant nightmares an-"

Ron shushed her. "It's okay! I'm sure he just wants some time alone! He'll be fine!"

Hermione smiled softly. "You really think so?"

"Pretty sure."

Ron and Hermione proceeded to talk about all the fun times they've had together, such as when Hermione set fire on Snape's robes. That was by far his favorite memory; he even used that memory for a Patronus! It was simply awesome!

Harry sighed. He's been trying to sleep for almost thirty minutes now, and he still hadn't fallen asleep. He kept on seeing strange dark shadows torturing him, calling him names, insulting him.

"Freak."

"Waste of space."

"Disgrace."

"I wish you died instead of your parents."

"Kill yourself."

He's always had a crush on Ron. That was so wrong. Boys aren't suppose to love boys. Only freaks do. God, he hasn't cut in hours. He needed to cut.

He walked over to the bathroom and locks the door, putting down his glamours. He sighed and looked over his body. Bruises that were raiding, belt marks that were scaring...

Cuts that were beginning to fade. His arms were the main part of the show. Sometimes he'd cut on his thighs just to see what it was like. He grabbed a razor and started cutting. He did five long cuts on one arm. He sighed in relief when he did that. It just numbed his mind. Made him feel human. Seeing the blood made him think that everything was real. He did three deep cuts on his other arm. Those were for scolding himself for liking a boy in the first place. Ron already liked Hermione, anyways.

He sighed and put up his glamours again, while staring at the mirror. He couldn't decide wether he wanted to come and see Ron and Hermione, or just fall asleep.

On one hand, it felt nice it be comforted by his best friends and Sirius. On the other, he just couldn't bring himself to let them care about him. Why did he matter? How could he matter? He was just a waste of space and air. So he decided on trying to make his friends happy, instead of himself. He thought that if his friends and family were happy, then he would have no excuse whatsoever to be unhappy.

Less like your father than I thought... Because dad would make himself happy than others, huh? Is that what it is? Am I just a replacement of dad for you?

He sighed and rubbed his face tiredly. He decided that he would go and see what Ron and Hermione were up to.

He walked to the Gryffindor common room and saw Ron and Hermione... Almost kissing!

I knew it! He thought happily. Then his thought faded. Ron... Oh god... His mood dropped instantly, and his mind kept on telling him that he doesn't deserve to live, that he should just kill himself.

Ron and Hermione were a few inches close to kissing. Well, it was really Hermione he decided to lean in, and Ron just went along with what she was doing, because he felt to embarrased. He heard someone clear his throat.

"Um, hey guys." Harry awkwardly said, laughing.

Hermione leaned back, blushing with embarrasment. "Uh... H-hey.."

Ron was blinking stupidly and his face was in a nice weasley shade of red. "J-just now... We weren't..!"

Harry smiled and shook his head. "Right..."

Hermione stood up and walked off, too embarrased to continue. "Uh... Sorry guys! I have some homework I have to do!" And she ran off.

Ron laughed nervously. "She always has homework."

"Yeah."

Harry sat down on an armchair beside Ron and sighed.

"Mate, I thought you wanted us to leave you alone?" Ron asked, slightly confused.

Harry chuckled. "Yeah, well, I tried to stay in the dorm room, but my imagination was being really mean to me—" what did that mean? Ron mused "—so I decided that I wanted to see it for myself."

Ron blinked. "See what?" He said.

Harry smiled. "How much fun you were having with Hermione. How close you guys are getting... It makes me so happy to see you be happy with Hermione."

Harry's insides felt like they were crumbling, falling apart. "That's all I am. I'm so happy for you guys!"

Ron looked at him, puzzled. What was he going on about?

Harry's smile changed into a slight frown. "What's going on? Why am I feeling this way? I'm supposed to be feeling happy for you! Why does it feel like my heart is splitting in half?" He hugged his knees and tried to stifle a sob. His heart felt like it shattered into a million pieces, and his cuts stung. His eyes were watering but he tried not to show weakness, which failed. "It hurts so much... Everything hurts so much... It would be so much better if I could just disappear!"

Ron widened his eyes. Was his best friend suggesting he commit suicide?! "Harry, don't say that!"

"It's true!" Harry insisted, his voice breaking. "It would be so much better, so that you and everyone else won't have to waste your time and sympathy on me! You wouldn't have to put up with me being selfish! Malfoy was right... I should just..." He stopped. Malfoy was the one who suggested he kill himself. Of course, Malfoy is always saying things like that.

"Malfoy? Malfoy was right about what?" Ron asked, his teeth gritting. If Malfoy was the one who suggested Harry should disappear... Ooh... He would never see the end of it.

Harry just sighed, shaking his head.

"Harry, us caring about you isn't the burden your mind is trying to make it out to be," Ron stated. "It's something that makes us happy. It's something that we wouldn't trade for anything else. Not even if it was for the latest and most expensive model of brooms—" Harry let himself laugh at that statement "—So even if we do risk our lives, we're going to be by your side until you don't feel anymore pain."

Harry blinked, surprised for a second. Wow, that was... That was deep coming from Ron. "But I'm scared... I'm so so scared..."

Ron raised an eyebrow. "What are you scared of?"

Harry took a shaky breath. "T-that I might like you more than you like me!"

Ron held his breath. "What?" He liked Harry, sure... But he would feel bad if Hermione was all left out. And plus, he didn't want to find out what his family do if they found out he was gay. He knew the twins were bisexual, but...

"It's true, isn't it?" Harry said quickly, interrupting Ron's thoughts. "I was... Weak and let myself like you too much... I-I did this to myself.. Oh..." He took a deep breath and said, "I like you so much that I want to die! That's what it feels like! And.. A-and..."

"That's enough, mate." Ron said, quieting his friend. He hesitated for a moment thinking about how he should say this. "Do you remember about what Sirius and the rest of us said about how we always knew what was best for you? Do you still believe that?"

Harry nodded his head slowly.

"So even if you don't understand, we know what is best for you and what you need most right now." Ron sighed. "Harry... I..."

Ron hesitated for a moment. Should he really confess his feelings to him right now? What would Hermione say? What would his family say? What would Harry say?

Harry was waiting in silence. This is it. He was either gonna be rejected or accepted. Both didn't sound too good. Rejection was horrible, he was rejected to many times. Being accepted, however... Harry wouldn't be able to take it if he found out Ron cared a lot about him. No one was suppose to care about him.

Ron sighed. "Harry.. I'll always be your best friend." It was the best way to do it, in Ron's opinion. He couldn't think of how much it could hurt Hermione. "We know what's best for you, so please trust us."

It felt like Harry's heart just disappeared, gone from this world. Like someone stamped on it so hard and then threw it into a black hole never to be seen again. "Oh.. I-I see..." Harry forces a smile through a really pained expression. "Is this what it feels like to be stabbed in the chest?"

"Mate..." Ron started.

"No.. It's fine. That was the answer I needed to hear. I just wanted to come and see what you were going to say about it." Harry laughs, though it sounds really forced. "I knew you would say that! And... I know that you know what's best for me. Y-you really know me more than anyone, Ron. I... I believe you! I'll trust you with anything... A-anything at all..."

Harry's smile finally breaks, and his eyes start to water. He gives Ron a weak smile and runs off.

Ron's shocked that he didn't even know how to react. He knew that it would hurt Harry by saying that, but... That's not what he needs right now. What he needs most is someone who is comforting him and telling him that it will be all right. But... Comforting may not be the best option... Ron sighs walks to the dorm room after a moment. He'll do whatever it takes to put a smile on Harry's face everyday.

Please review... I'm scared.. It's scary when I'm alone..