A/N: This takes place during the year Jenny was believed dead – about one month before that fateful plane ride at the beginning of "A New Life." Since it is more about Jenny than anyone else, even though she doesn't appear in this, I felt it appropriate to make her the secondary character.

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It had been a rough couple of weeks for the Major Case Response Team. This particular dirt bag they'd finally nailed had committed some of the worst crimes imaginable, and the emotional toll on the team and all of NCIS had been steep. They'd lost a fellow agent – a female. Unprepared to go home to his empty house, Gibbs decided to visit the bar to unwind. He headed straight for his favorite stool and simply nodded at the bartender. Within a minute, he was staring at a double shot of bourbon placed in front of him. He lifted the tumbler to his lips and closed his eyes as the amber liquid's familiar burn hit him. He placed it back down and sighed as he took a brief look around.

His eyes drifted to the same place they always went – the wall of fallen heroes. It had become a tradition that he'd silently toast his fellow agents each visit. This time he noticed someone standing in front of it, and the back of the man's head was all-too-familiar. Gibbs picked up his drink and walked over to him.

His eyes fell to Paula Cassidy first and the usual pain he felt, remembering her sacrificing her life to save all of them, returned in full force. Gibbs intrinsically knew the suffering she'd felt at surviving the attack on her team. Some days he even envied Paula because her pain was over quickly – unlike his after losing Shannon and Kelly. And while he knew DiNozzo cared deeply for her, he assumed he was focused on another painful loss, one closer to home. "Thinking about Kate?" Gibbs couldn't blame him. When the usually talkative agent remained mum, Gibbs turned to look at him. He expected to see sadness, but what he saw instead was anger.

"I think it's a load of shit that because of that damn cover-up, Jenny was screwed out of her rightful place on this wall," he insisted, pointing at it for emphasis. "Her death was everything this wall is supposed to represent. She died a hero, trying to protect you."

Gibbs wasn't prepared to have Jenny's loss thrown in his face, especially in that way. He set his jaw and remained quiet, trying to get a handle on his emotions.

Tony misinterpreted his silence and narrowed his eyes at his mentor. "Don't know why I bother. Not like you care."

Gibbs hesitated for a few seconds before he responded coldly, "You have no idea what I feel… or what she meant to me."

Tony didn't flinch. "Fair enough – but did she? She died alone. Never married. Never had kids."

Gibbs stiffened. "She made her choices. We all do."

Tony studied the older man's face and his body language. Maybe it was the couple of shots already in him that gave him his courage, but he continued. "She hurt you. She ended things." It wasn't a question. It was something he sensed.

"My private life isn't one of your movies, DiNozzo," he warned.

Tony knew Gibbs wanted him to drop it. But he was curious. Thoughts had been running through his head, and he could use guidance. "You two had been partners… overseas? Undercover?"

Gibbs glared at him, remaining silent. He couldn't figure out why he wasn't leaving. He could pay his bill and walk out, ending this conversation that was causing him pain. But the truth was, he hadn't thought about Jenny in a while and it felt good to hear her name mentioned. Tony was doing so in almost a protective way, and he had a feeling it was probably pleasing Jenny, wherever her spirit was. He figured she was close by, haunting him. Every time he stubbed his toe, he figured it was her laughing. If something went right, it was Shannon nearby. If he did something stupid, that was Jenny.

"Did you ever love her?"

He flared his eyes. "How drunk are you, DiNozzo?"

He felt duly chastised. "I guess I've had more than I realized." The very special agent sensed he crossed a line.

Gibbs wasn't one to share. He had indeed loved Jenny. Probably always would. And he had many regrets - especially turning her down that night she was watching Carson.

He still couldn't believe, after the way he'd shut her out of his life, that she would willingly give her own to save him. Gibbs knew if he thought about any of this, it would consume him. He had enough guilt about how he let Shannon down. He worked hard to not think about Jenny. It was too painful. He had screwed things up with her so badly. Deep down, he knew she was his one shot of finding happiness after losing the love of his life – and he'd given up too easily. He should have fought for her. And when she returned, he shouldn't have taken no for an answer. But he let his pride stop him from saying yes when she finally – finally! – had reached out to him.

But he couldn't say any of this to Tony. He couldn't even admit it to himself. He patted the younger man on the shoulder. "You're in no shape to drive. Come on."

Tony took a final look at the wall while Gibbs paid his bar tab. His heart constricted as his eyes fell on Paula… and then Kate. He ran his hand through his hair and massaged his neck, trying to work out the kinks. "I know I'm breaking Rule #6, but… sorry Jenny."

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A/N: It is my hope that this one-shot helps explain why Gibbs behaved the way he did, where his head was at, when on the airplane in "A New Life."