A/N ยทยทยท This is a medley of several different FMAverses. Father (2009) is here, and Selim is Pride. Father is defeated, but not dead. Winry is 4 than Ed. (NO EDWIN, YOU CRAZY PEOPLE!) Ed is Colonel and Mustang is Fuhror. Edward doesn't get his flesh arm and keeps his alchemy (2009). Alphonse gets his body back. Envy is their elder brother. Events/Years are bumped up several decades. (E.g., Oct 3 1994). Sloth is Trisha. Mustang doesn't go blind and Havoc doesn't get stuck in a wheelchair. They (Ed and Al) do everything within a year of joining the military, so Ed needs to actually do things. He joins at 10 rather than 12, so his age lines up with the Hogwarts letters.

Anyways, for HP differences: Quirell tries for the stone earlier, so HoHo makes an appearance as the schools temp. D.A.D.A teacher. No Gilderoy! Explores more of the nicer aspects of Snape and Draco. Harry doesn't immediately dismiss Draco's obvious hints at needing a friend rather than a goon because he's a Slytherin. Hermione and Harry become friends first, before Harry and Ron.

Anyway, just in case you get confused. From now on, A/N's will be put at the end rather than the beginning. Here goes the story.

Words: 884

Chapter 1

"Home isn't where the heart is... it's where the soul belongs."

Edward looked for the billionth time at the piece of paper held in his gloved hand. He couldn't imagine why he recieved such a letter. It read, very succinctly, "Everything you did to get your brother's body back could have been avoided. Alchemy means nothing. Fuck you. :D."

Granted, it didn't really say that, but his mind refused to compute it as anything but an insult. His teeth grinded together. The shimmering green ink glittered innocently up at him.

"Lieutenant Colonel Hawkeye? Could you burn this, please?"

He'd been recieving these letters every day for two weeks. Riza knew what they were for, and she knew why, but she complied without hesitation, because he had just recently become her commanding officer. She sighed, taking the offending paper and throwing it in the fire place. As soon as she did, however, the fire turned green and a head popped out. Then came shoulders... then a torso... and finally two, beefy hands lifted the rest of his hulking form out of the green fire.

"'Lo there. Are ye Edward Elric?" He asked the Colonel. Without waiting for a response, the large man held out his hand. "I'm Reubus Hagrid, tha gamekeeper fer Hogwarts. Dumbledore sent me ta retrieve ya fer gettin' yer stuff."

Ed stared at the hand, then looked behind the brutish man (a feat most would think impossible) to Riza, seeking assistance. When she offered none, he sighed.

"As you can see... I'm busy. So leave now, before I make you," Ed said in the most respectful voice he could muster. In the one month he'd been Colonel, Riza had drilled in manners and paperwork much like she had for their current Fuhror - with a bullet that hit too close for comfort. He was now employing his newfound art towards getting the man to leave.

The hulking stranger, instead, took a seat. Edward sighed yet again. Being an eleven year old, he still had his moments of impatience... especialy when people grated on his frazzled nerves. His eyebrow twitched, and his automail leg hit against the floor, tapping like a nervous tick. The room stayed silent for several tense minutes. When it appeared that Hagrid didn't know what to say and that Edward wouldn't say anything, Riza cleared her throat.

"Sir, I know what is going on. Your guardian, Mrs. Rockbell, told Fuhror Mustang about your father several months ago. I believe your father should explain everything. But I'd advise you to go with Mr. Hagrid."

Ed glared at her. She stared back passively. After several more tense moments, she handed Hagrid a folder. "This has all of his medical information as well as emergency contacts should anything happen. I recommend sending an owl to the Fuhror should anything happen. He's a pure blood, so no attacks should involve him. Keep him away from trouble but respect his military rank. He must wear his uniform at all waking hours." She noticed the burly man was having trouble getting it all and gave a small smile. "Don't worry, it's all written there. His vault is number 378. Don't let him get anything from there other than books and money. Don't let him oversleep and if he begins to slack, don't be afraid of doling out punishments."

Hagrid and Ed arrived at the Leaky Cauldron - a pub and inn in the Wizarding World - by the Floo Network. The golden eyed boy felt queasy and covered his mouth. His green complexion faded back slowly, and he swallowed down the bile.

"Yeh get used ter it once yeh've done it fer a while."

Edward gave the big man a look which clearly read 'I will not do that again, so I've no need to get used to it.' "So what do we need to do?" He asked. Hagrid grinned.

"I'll show yeh."

They were in back of the pub, facing a red brick wall. With a flourish, Hagrid raised his pastel-pink umbrella. He tapped a random pattern on the bricks, and they opened up to reveal a bustling shopping center. Women with children hurried about, waving their wooden wands and shoving away the straggling men.

"We've gotta get yer moneh from Gringott's. Remember..." Ed tuned the man out, only catching the words 'Sickle and Galleon.'

They reached the vault, and Hagrid asked the goblin manning their vault to open it. He did so, and Edward gaped. In front of him were piles of gold coins - galleons, his mind supplied. On one side, he saw books upon books, written by the same author - Cederev Lite Henohemm. Ed knew from the books that he and Al had burned along with their house that it was Hohenheim. The bastard.

Hagrid handed him a sack and a small satchel. "They're charmed. When yeh stick yer hand in the sack after yeh've filled it with coins, it has a deeper bottom sp yeh can put more. Dumbledore told me ye can put about 50000 galleons in there. And the satchel be the same."

Ed grinned. At least he'd have money. Hagrid explained the currency again, but Ed skillfully tuned him out. When he noticed the gruff voice stop, he asked the question that had been plaguing him since the start of this fiasco.

"Mr. Hagrid... how exactly do we get to this place?"

A/N: I was going to write more, but felt that last sentence was a good note to leave it on... it's short, I know. But trust me (okana iru kara~) it won't stay short. Just like Ed, it will grow.

Anyway, took me three days for this. I want to start doing double - or even triple! - the amount for my next chapters. So calculate that and then add another week or two, cos I'm a lazy bum. :3

"Everything you did to get your brother's body back could have been avoided. Alchemy means nothing. Fuck you. :D." - this is what Ed's (very creative) mind replaced McGonagall's letters with. Magic would have made Alphonse's suffering not happen... so Ed throws a mini tantrum every time he sees the letters.

"As soon as she did, however, the fire turned green and a head popped out." - burning the letter (which was rigged, cos Dumbles is an old man and we all know they get impatient lol) activated an advanced form of Floo Network, which activated under Hagrid's feet.

"In the one month he'd been Colonel, Riza had drilled in manners and paperwork much like she had for their current Fuhror..." - we all know Ed can be charming and charismatic when he wants to be... Riza just made it 24/7.

"Cederev Lite Henohemm." - not very creative, but Hohenheim is known for his misdeeds in the Wizarding World, if he published under his given name... let's just say he'd have more than gossip to worry about.