Maura awoke the next morning she felt horrible, she knew she had broken Jane's heart and she hated herself. But Jane had broken her heart as well. No, that wasn't true…well it was on both sides. Sitting up Maura looked ahead to a standing mirror in her room and instantly hated what she saw, she was a damn liar. She loved Jane with all of her heart but being with her the way she was well…toxic.
Getting out of bed Maura walked into the bathroom and looked in the bathroom mirror, what they were doing was consensual but she was scared. They had never established anything all that they were doing was having sex and she didn't want to scare Jane away by asking for more, what was wrong with her. Walking into the shower Maura allowed the water to clear her thoughts, but it wasn't working.
Instead Maura found herself sitting on the shower floor with tears running down her face until she couldn't tell if they were tears or if it was water from the shower. She hated herself, she wanted nothing more than to curl up and die. She wasn't good enough for all of the men and she wasn't good enough for Jane, she was a coward a pathetic little coward. Crying her eyes out Maura mentally hitting herself but physically hit her head lightly against the shower.
"I need to move on, come on Maura this is like any other relationship. You are called the Queen of the Dead for a reason, no emotion." Taking a deep breath Maura stood up and decided at that moment she was going to be no emotion and she was going to move on, she wasn't going to let Jane know how much of a coward she was.
Maura knew it was for the best she ended whatever was happening, she couldn't reveal her feelings. She wasn't good enough for Jane so why shoot for more when it wouldn't work out, right. Sighing Maura finished getting ready for work and took one last look in the mirror, putting up her walls Maura walked out of her room and made her way out of the door.
It had been a slow day at work; she had finished all of her paperwork and performed one autopsy which was easy the guy died of a heart attack nothing major. Closing her laptop she reached down and grabbed her purse and cellphone, she needed lunch and green tea or she wasn't going to survive the rest of the day.
Avoiding the café Maura went a block away from BPD and went in to the bistro she had read about and had been meaning to try, sitting down at a table she waited for the waitress to arrive. Looking at the one wall she smiled when she saw a picture with the T.V. show Kojak but quickly Maura cleared the smile and begun to clear her mind because she felt tears begin to brim her eyes.
"Hello, my name is Amy I will be your waitress what can I get for you?" The waitress smiled.
"A green tea and a cranberry salad please." Maura smiled back.
"Alright, I will be back with your tea in just a moment!" Amy exclaimed and walked away to put the order in, Maura removed her fake smile. Reaching into her purse she removed a book and begun to read it, three minutes into the book the waitress came back with the tea which Maura thanked her for but continued to read.
"Excuse me." Maura looked up and froze.