Different
By: 1000th Ghost
Tell myself
On the ride home
She could still feel it. The sensation of his lips on hers. She'd kissed him before. Twice in fact. But not like this. She'd done it. The one thing she'd wanted, needed, to do ever since she was three. She confessed. It was over. She'd done everything she could. So why did it feel like nothing had been accomplished?
Getting tired
Hating all I've known
She was sick of the whole thing. Her entire life had always been a lie. She'd pretend to hate him, he wouldn't care, only wonder. Day after day. Week after week. Month after month. Year after year. She hated their routine.
Holding on
Like it's all I have
But what else could she do? Tell him? Certainly not! At least…that's how things had been. She couldn't hold onto fantasy anymore. Reality had come, much sooner than she had expected. Time to embrace it.
Count me out
They were going to save the neighborhood. They were going to be heroes. She should be too. She'd done most of the work. They couldn't have done a ting without her. But she didn't want credit. She didn't want anyone to know she'd had any part in this. They'd ask why. Why. Why did she do it? She just answered that question. She didn't want to do it again anytime soon.
When it's clear that I
Find it hard to say
It was terrifying. It was exhilarating. It was the hardest thing she had ever done. Three words. Three little words. 'I love you'. That shouldn't have been so hard, should it? It certainly wasn't once she got started. The words started pouring out of her mouth; what had she even said? But regardless, it had been extremely difficult. She'd never been one to show her feelings. In fact, she'd been doing the exact opposite for her whole life. Until tonight.
And you
Find it hard to care
What did it matter? All that work, for what? He didn't love her.
I wanted to see something that's different
This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. This was supposed to be revolutionizing. Transforming. But nothing had changed.
Something you said would change in me
He had told her once that he knew she had a good heart, and one day she wouldn't be afraid to show it. Well, he'd asked for it. And boy, had he gotten it.
Wanted to be anything different
For four glorious minutes her guard had been down. Completely down. She had shown him who she really was, all masks aside. Her heart was in the open.
Everything you would change in me
But it wasn't enough. She still hadn't matched the image of his ideal girl. That much was obvious. But why? She wasn't particularly pretty or nice or smart, she'd admit that. And it wasn't as if she had made his life a walk in the park. But that could be changed. That had changed. Why couldn't he?
Got this way
Upfront but never true
She wouldn't be able to take it. Not like this. She couldn't have him know, have others know. He did know. There was nothing to be done to prevent that. But she could make him forget. Or at least pretend. She'd pretend to hate him, he wouldn't care. The only thing was he wouldn't wonder anymore.
God, I'm wrong
This is the way I am
She didn't want to do it. To have come all this way and then be back at square one! But what choice did she have? She did have a choice. A rather obvious one. More difficult, yes, but defiantly worth it in the long run. But she couldn't do it. She didn't have the courage to even try.
Crashing down any chance you hear
If she didn't let on, he wouldn't know. And even if he did, as long as it didn't seem that way, it would be okay. But was that what she wanted?
Caving in any chance that you
Could see inside of me
Yes, if she denied it, he wouldn't pursue it. He wouldn't pursue it. What was the point of that? She wanted him to pursue it! She wanted him to care! She wanted him to yearn for her the way she did for him! But she couldn't let him know.
And I
Don't know what to say
She wouldn't know how. She didn't want to know how. And even if she did know how, she wouldn't use it.
It's fine
This isn't Hollywood
So she wouldn't have a fairytale ending. It really wasn't the end of the world. Had she ever really thought that it would be perfect? That was what she wanted, of course. But real life didn't end up like in the movies.
So fine
Getting in your way
She would just have to continue to harass him. Then no one would know the difference. Except for him. But he would be discouraged. Disappointed. And eventually uninterested. It was the best way for everybody.
I wanted to see something that's different
Something you said would change in me
Wanted to be anything different
Everything you would change in me
She stole a glance at him. He didn't notice; blissfully unaware for the time being. There were more important things at stake than love. There was no time; they had to save the neighborhood. "There's no time for that…" Had she really meant that! Yes. Part of her brain had been screaming at her that it was wrong, that she was only nine years old. Then another part of her brain, a much stronger part, had come over, strangled the first part, and shouted, "WHO CARES!" And who did care? She certainly didn't. She was sick of the hiding and sick of the fighting. She wanted him.
I'm taking a chance
And she was willing to do anything to get him.
This could be different
But would she?
This could be all I'm waiting for
She wanted things to be different. She wanted him to see her with new eyes. She wanted to give up her old life, an empty mockery filled with secrets and lies, and move on to a new one. A life with him by her side.
Taking a chance
This could be different
This could be all I'm waiting for
What did she have to lose?
I wanted to see something that's different
Something you said would change in me
Wanted to be anything different
Everything you would change in me
She would let him decide the next move. If he wanted to take things to the next level, she certainly wouldn't complain. If he wanted time, that was okay too. Maybe they both needed a little time. But no matter what happened, things would definitely be different
Something that's different
The End