I was halfway through an exciting account of the protagonist's duel with his best friend and main antagonist (nothing new under the sun), when our club's routine afternoon was interrupted by a polite cough. Had she coughed once, I would have ignored it. Single coughs meant the conversation was to be held with someone close enough to hear it, and not disturb someone who was sitting one table-length away. Two coughs meant it was for everyone in the vicinity.

Of course I would look up. The interruption to routine had come not from our resident airhead – she hardly needed permission before making her thoughts known to anyone and everyone she thought would be interested – but from our resident ice queen. That alone interested me more than the flimsy paperback in my hand, so I had to look up.

"I have – a request."

Yuigahama looked surprised, not at being cut-off rudely at whatever she had been rambling about (she hardly minded, in fact, she freely encouraged Yukinoshita to express her opinions, however mundane they may be). For once in the history of the club, Yuigahama seemed to be having the same thoughts as myself: Yukinoshita wants to run from the nest of troubles called The Yukinoshita Family and needs help.

Our stares were probably not encouraging, for she started twiddling her fingers on the table in front of her. Her gaze had been lowered to them, determinedly not making eye-contact with either of us. Disconcerting as this was, I decided that the onus of the responsibility of conversation fell on me (for the first and last time), as Yuigahama (for the first and hopefully the last time) was surprised into silence.

"You can count on our help." My attempt at bravado was met with rapid nodding from Yuigahama. I determined that sufficiently encouraging.

Yukinoshita seemed surprised herself. "There is no need to be so formal, Hikigaya-kun. It was a little advice I needed, which Yuigahama-san would have satisfactorily done."

There were very few domains where Yuigahama would have eclipsed my astuteness on matters of society, and world peace. "I was only trying to be –"

"Condescending? Hikigaya-kun, rest assured the day will never come when your advice will carry me through the day."

Sufficiently chastised, I returned to my book. If it was a matter for consideration for Yuigahama, it was not a matter for consideration at all. (Though a small part of my mind, the one that spoke in the polite tones of the hated football ace of my school, was shrilly repeating HYPOCRITE in not-so-polite tones.)

The protagonist in the lack-luster light novel in my hands had already done the zero-to-hero number, and was now proceeding to thrash the people who had turned his bestie from buddie to baddie without sparing a thought about the plot. Needliss to say, it ceased to interest me, and I turned to one of the few 108 skills I rarely advertised.

It's called eavedropping-while-pretending-to-read-a-book.

"... and so I got invited to her birthday at her house, and I have little idea about the movie they have decided to watch. In fact, my understanding of popular culture seems to be worse than Hikigaya-kun's understanding of arithmetic, pathetic as it sounds."

Harassing me even in your conversations, you? The Lord Hachiman will award you an untimely and painful death.

"Ah, I got invited to that too! But only a movie, is it, Yukinon? I thought you were planning your great escapade from your sister in your apartment –"

I stared at the book before me and imagined Yukinoshita rubbing her forehead with her hands.

"– that one is so cute. I mean, if you were planning on watching a movie at a birthday –"

The room's atmosphere told me Yukinoshita was regretting her decision to have asked for Yuigahama's advice.

"– that won't be good at all – no, definitely not, talk about spoiling the mood with zombies running amok in the town –"

The room's atmosphere told me Yukinoshita was regretting her decision opened her mouth at all.

"– if you have to think through the movie – I mean, people generally go to movies to relax, right –"

To prevent the impending catastrophe on earth (on Yuigahama), I put my book down and gave an involuntary chuckle. The conversation suddenly stopped; the two pairs of eyes I felt made me feel more self-conscious than I would have felt in the middle of my Nobel Peace Prize award speech.

I exhaled slowly, getting the required tension into my voice before starting: "People believe that knowledge of the day's best entertainment mass media is pre-requisite to being certified a social success, however, the prudent loner will tell you that this delusion is in fact created by the same people with the intention of elevating their own self-worth while disregarding the actual provenance of such works-"

"That is enough rambling for today, Hikigaya-kun," Yukinoshita said, though her voice carried a tinge of relief on having been extracted from her earlier conversation.

Yuigahama, on the other hand, had tuned out somewhere in the middle of my brilliant speech, and now was nodding to herself muttering furiously. That was not a good sign. Source: me, the last time she had tried dragging us to a new coffee shop.

"See, the point is," I said, trying to bring Yuigahama back into the fold of our conversation, "whatever you say is going to please half of the group and annoy the rest of them. In any discussion –"

"Say, I have a brilliant idea, Hikki," she came back to the topic, but not as intended. Yuigahama's brilliant ideas had been the source of many a headache for the Service Club, and I could not care for more. I turned to Yukinoshita for support, but she was already looking with devoted eyes towards The One Who Has Far More Experience Than Me On Such Headache Inducing Matters.

It was a testament to how troubled Yukinoshita was that she was listening to Yuigahama, of all people. Normally, she would be the first to put her foot down on one of her hare-brained schemes.

"So I thought – why can't we show you the best – I mean, really the best, of all the genres of movies you may encounter there. Like – we watch the movies together, and I tell you the things you have to observe in each movie. Then you can calmly trash whatever they throw at you, by comparing it with the one you have seen, and they will nod their heads in approval of your taste. You could even come back declared the Movie Monster of your class."

I distinctly remembered only two thoughts at the moment. One, Yuigahama actually came up with a decent plan. Two, it actually was too much work.

"That is an excellent plan," I nodded approvingly. "In fact, it would be excellent for you to take the tour through the frivolous mass entertainment the global movie industry churns out, only to make you wish they gave the budget money away to charity."

"That is enough ruffling feathers for a day, Hikigaya-kun," said Yukinoshita, "I have some experience with such matters, and I'll have you know that classics unquestionably deserve the praise they get."

I looked from Yukinoshita to Yuigahama in confusion, convinced I had missed something. "You wanted help with movies you have watched already, eh—what was all that about?"

Yuigahama nodded with sudden comprehension in her eyes, "It's an anime movie Hikki, honestly, one of those English things would have made me terribly useless …"

I tuned out of this conversation, returning full focus to the paperback in my hands that had, oddly, reached its conclusion just then. Movies were fine, but anime would be —

What kind of an anime-obsessed kid would think up a cliché as that!

Yuigahama took the lead with her coaching, and I let her, as I would have to give a serious thought to what Yukinoshita would understand and what would be beyond her comprehension. There are some things in the world that being book-smart can't help you grasp. Some things like religion. And anime.

The really curious bit was my sister agreeing to my pleas for help. She actually took time out of her exam prep schedule to help me sort out through what would be appropriate and what wouldn't.

"So, if Yui-san takes all the Miyazakis, plus the cute violin making boy, you are left with …"

On second thought, my sister is definitely –

"… Yukino-san would definitely like the ones twisted out of the normal line …"

– useless, no two ways about it.

I said with an exasperated sigh, "Komachi, no one plays Satoshi Kon at birthdays."

"Who's Satoshi Kon?"

After relentless sorting and mind-numbing puzzling, I finally settled for two pieces that I thought could definitely showcase the wide diversity this medium is known for. At the very least, I was thankful there was no need for me to go through with a cute-girls-with-oversized-guns type television series that are all the rage today, though I did not put it beyond Yuigahama to seize this opportunity and force one or two through Yukinoshita's head.

Then, the night before the much awaited premiere, Yuighahama texted me: "Done my best. All the best to you too Hikki :-3"

"You did all the classics, there is very little I can do my best for."

"He he … Yukinon was impressed, to say the least… you have an uphill thing for you, Hikki …"

Idiot. It's an uphill thing, so it definitely would be beyond of me.

That Saturday evening, I stood in front of Yukinoshita's door, without any visible tremors and buckets of sweat, which really goes on to show that today's main characters lack much of the zing that defined shounen heroes in their heydays. Keeping creeps as protagonists works out well now, for some reason. Though I could never be one of those, as there is no creep in the world who stands at a girl's door ready to get verbally assaulted.

Within five seconds, she had led me inside the sitting room with The Television that I could only dream to afford (when I could afford to dream). Within a minute more, we had taken our respective seats (six feet apart), and were staring at the video that had usurped my wallet's contents to the point where MAXX coffee had become a luxury at lunch hours.

That we had exchanged less words than two dead mice at a funeral was testimony to the fact that I was here for merely platonic purposes and not as Makoto Ito's real-life alter ego. Though Yukinoshita's reaction to an anime like that would surely be priceless …

I fell asleep five minutes into the movie and woke back up again when the last five minutes were left. To see Yukinoshita not give me a pained look at this was a victory in itself, never mind the quality of the movie. She had been sitting in the same place from start to finish, silent as a cat. I headed into her kitchen, made some strong coffee, wasted a little more time, then came back to find her staring off in space.

"So then … impressions?" I know, what a lame way to start a conversation, isn't it?

"I have questions."

I nodded, 'cause that was a good thing.

"What happened in the end? Did they – er – get together?"

"They couldn't force the whole manga into the movie, so they left out ten-odd chapters from the end."

"Why did the girl claim affection for that boy who bullied her? They never explained that." 'Claim affection'? Was that what they called it in the Hollywood tear-jerkers?

"She saw that he took painstaking efforts to redeem himself, learning sign-language and whatnot, being there for her younger sister, working painstakingly to bring back friends for her, and she could not help but feel—"

"He did no such thing, he was a shut-in coward through and through. And she was an easily-satisfied sap."

"Ugh, look," I started, feeling irritated at the Queen of Ice Cold Reality brutally murdering what I considered an excellent anime film, "that you cared to think about it that deeply shows how good it really was."

"That is what all failed film directors tell shallow critics when they have it easy ripping their film bit by bit. Besides," she continued, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, looking impossibly beautiful at that, "it proves that childish fantasies look better animated. Imagine if someone tried that in real life."

Childish fantasies, eh? She deserved Satoshi Kon's bests, nothing less.

"Did Yuigahama show you the one with the brothers surviving the war?"

"No she didn't, she said she wouldn't like reducing us both to tears, though how that is even remotely possible I cannot fathom—"

"What did you think about Yuigahama's films then?"

"They were nice while they lasted, however, if only we had forest Gods and witches helping us solve our problems, we wouldn't have—"

"What did you tell Yuigahama then?"

"I told her that I could see her point, and understood perfectly well why they were apt for occasions such as birthdays. I even pointed out the few scenes that were really critically appreciable, which seemed to satisfy her—"

I groaned to myself. I should have trusted Yuigahama to miss the finer aspects of tutoring Yukinoshita in a world that was alien to her. However, the time to address the mistakes had long since run out. Our only hope would be, then, that …

"I think, Yukinoshita, that our help was very much unnecessary. You would have done a fine job of being the Movie Monster without us taking up your time like this. Really, I cannot find the words to apologise —"

To me, slights on anime, as being deemed senseless and childish by the sensible people in adult society, seem to have the same effect as those narrow minded zealots proclaiming all others worthless trash. I am hardly an anime-obsessed kid out there to get my hands on the latest trophy mechandise (though I can sympathise), yet giving out prejudiced opinion on something under your snotty nose 'cause you don't like other people enjoying something that for some reason you can't, was one of the rare things that could get my hackles up (yes, that happens sometimes).

It must have shown on my face, as Yukinoshita muttered to me while showing me out of her place, "I – It's not as if I don't wish things like that [movie] happening with mys—everyone around, but … dreamers who can only dream can never be of use to anyone, not even themselves. Keeping your feet on the ground is a challenging task in itself, without adding distractions."

Ah, stick to one dere, why can't you. Nevertheless, I was strongly reminded of the day of my service club induction, when she had determinedly pushed through with her efforts to bring about change into a stubborn unrepentant loner, who had proudly declared dreams to be betrayed by effort. It would have been much easier to look the other way.

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch what you said."

"Nothing interesting for you, Hikigaya-kun," and then the door went BAM.

I got to know about the results of our efforts later the next week, when Yuigahama quietly passed it on that Yukinoshita had … shed tears (!?)at the movie. Being the compulsive loner I am, I steadfastly refused to believe it.

"Well then, you can ask her yourself. She seems quite cheerful at being dubbed the Movie Matron of her class."

I do not plan on untimely suicide.

"I didn't think she had it in herself to cry at star—or comet was it?—crossed lovers across space and time getting by a deus ex machina happening."

Yuigahama shrugged. "It happens. I thought it strange when she didn't go whoop with my movies." She nodded sagely. "But the law of averages catches up after all."

I blinked twice to double-check whether it was Yuigahama after all, then flipped out my old light novel where I had paused my read. It so happens that reality can throw quite a punch, and everyone loves a fantastical story once-in-a-while.