DISCLAIMER: I don't own Call of Duty or Treyarch. Put more legal phrases here.

Hello readers! I'm back, with this fanfic that's a collaboration with SLY123! Him and I are going to discuss through reviews (he can't get an account), so...try not to spoil anything for yourself ) . Anyway, this is going to feature Dempsey, Nikolai, Takeo, and Richtofen...through the first person perspective, as well as my first shot at incorporating humor. Enjoy!

Glitches

Chapter 1

Dempsey

"Uhh…where are we?" I said after the teleporter had finished winding down.

"And vhen?" a German voice added. That voice belonged to the lovely and compassionate Dr. Richtofen, my best friend in the whole wide world and whom I wished to stay in touch with forever. Of course I'm not being serious, reader! Don't you understand sarcasm?

"No power! Just like home," Nikolai commented. Yep, as usual, we would have to find the power switch before we could do anything.

I heard the familiar groans and moans of some freakbags, and drew my Colt (seriously, why do all our guns get taken away after teleporting?). "Let's do this," I growled.

We four had landed in some kind of lobby, with two sets of stairs leading up. Nazi flags were hung up on the walls and draped over the railings. But first things first – we had to kill the maggotsacks that were trying to get in through the window.

"This gun sucks…but it'll do," I said to myself as I fired my Colt. Since the meatheads were too dumb to back off, I could shoot them in the head like nobody's business. Too bad headshots didn't kill them instantly.

"That would make the game too easy," a voice whispered.

"What the hell?!" I whirled around. Did you say that, reader? No? Hmph. Must have been my imagination.

Anyway, I shrugged, and went back to killing freaks. I had already run out of Colt ammo, so I drew my knife and grinned. "I'm gonna' do a jig in your insides, freakbags!" I shouted, and then began stabbing the flesh-addicts.

Round one soon ended, and I took a quick look around. "Hey, who has 750 points for this door?" I called out.

"Not me," Nikolai said.

"I don't have enough either," Takeo added.

"Nothing here," Richtofen said.

"Nice try, Doc. I know you're lying," I replied.

He made a hurt face. "Vhy, Dempsey! I vould never lie to you!"

Then what about my feeling that we met before Shi No Numa? I thought to myself. But I wasn't going to blurt that out loud. Instead, I said, "Please. We all know that you always save your points for a precious MP40."

"Ja, zhat's right! I mean…erm…zhat's a lie!"

I smirked as Richtofen tried to weasel his way out of this. "It doesn't matter. I have enough already." My smile grew wider as the Doc glared at me for exposing his plan. Ah, I love pissing him off!

I grabbed the door's handle and opened it, revealing a small room. But all our eyes were drawn to one corner, which contained a glowing wooden box; the Mystery Box!

"Hell yeah!" I pumped the air and approached it, anticipating a new weapon…until I realized that I had spent most of my points on the door.

"Ah, Dempsey, vhat's zhe matter? Out of points?" Richtofen mockingly said. No doubt he was happy that my joke on him had now backfired on me. I gave a low growl in reply, and stomped out of the room. Some more maggotsacks had broken in, and I slaughtered them all, fueled by anger at my joke gone wrong.

Round two ended, and I was pissed off even more. Why? How about the fact that I was only 60 points short of hitting the mystery box? Or the fact that Nikolai, Takeo, and Richtofen each had enough? Yeah, if the god of luck was with standing there us, I would have ripped his guts out for a bandolier right there and then.

Tak was the first to hit the box, and got an AUG, lucky him. He was also happy with the gun, saying, "I cannot be defeated! Probably…"

Then, Nikolai had a go, and got a Spas-12. Dammit, even the box was mocking me now! "They stand no chance against this Soviet, hehe," my alcoholic pal said. "Hey, Richtofen! You going to use this thing or what?"

"Nein." The Nazi came back from the lobby. Strange. I never even noticed him leave. Anyway, the Doc continued. "I bought zhis instead. It should do zhe job nicely until I find an MP40," he said, hefting an M14. "Yes, now their kidneys vill be MINE! But none for you, Dempsey," he added, looking straight at me. "Maybe you should get something besides an empty pistol if you vant some."

Man, this just kept getting worse and worse for me. Flipping Richtofen the bird, I headed back into the lobby and (reluctantly) spent 500 points on an Olympia. At least I could now spill the guts of those undead flesh monkeys all over the place.

Round three started. I ran up to a maggotaddict, shoved my gun right in its face, and pulled the trigger. Its head EXPLODED (literally, EXPLODED), splattering my clothes with blood.

"Look at this mess I made…oorah," I commented.

A few more bonemaggots later, a glowing floating icon appeared. Finally my luck was changing! I picked it up, and the demonic announcer said, "Double points!"

"Hell yes! Just what I need!" I pumped the air. I would definitely have enough points for the Mystery Box now!

Now that I was cheered up, round three seemed to end in no time. Rubbing my hands with glee, I dashed over to the box and opened it. Immediately its ridiculously cheerful music began playing as its guns flashed before me, before settling on…a teddy bear.

"Oh what the – God damn it! Stupid piece of crap!" The giggle we got after receiving the teddy bear made me even madder. "Shut up!" I shouted at no one in particular. The box disappeared. I kicked the ground in frustration.

"The box is now being an honor-less one, I see," noted Takeo.

I had noticed another door at the end of the room. "Someone go open that," I said darkly.

"I will – but you now owe me some vodka," Nikolai said. He opened it, revealing another room. Big surprise there. This room looked like some kind of foyer.

"Oh, hello there, you bastard!" I said. The Mystery Box had teleported to this room! No way in hell was I going to let this chance go!

I stomped over to the box, flung it open, and glared at it as it cycled through its guns. It finally stopped at a Commando, and I cheered my head off.

"FINALLY something goes my way! Oorah!"

Another cheer came from my right. I turned to see Richtofen holding an MP40 above his head, that I guessed he bought off the wall. The Nazi was cackling his head off.

"Yes! Yes! The MP40! VUNDERBAR!" he was shouting.

"Good for you. You finally got that. Now can you open doors for us?" Nikolai interrupted.

"Ah, but of course, my dear Russian. Now zhat I have zhe BEST VEAPON EVER MADE!" he shouted again.

"Your decision has pleased the Emperor!" Tak approved. Richtofen opened the next door, and we entered a room filled with mannequins. I was guessing this was a dressing room of sorts.

None of us had enough points for the next door (yes, even the Doc), so we decided to hunker down and let the freaks come to us. At least, that was the plan, until we heard…

"Fetch me their souls!"