Make It or Bake It
Okay so I was making dinner for my family when this came to me and just could not stop laughing. What happens when our favorite Bleach characters are faced with a piece of modern technology? Several little crack drabbles.
*Renji Abarai*
Deep red eyes looked from the metal box in front of him, shifting back to the instruction manual. Although he has a tough exterior, few would know Renji to be a surprisingly good cook. So, when Kurotsuchi-Taicho introduced everyone to something humans called an "oven", he jumped at the chance to have one. Brownie batter mixed and ready, he pressed all the buttons he was supposed to, set his egg timer and went to shower. When he came back he was dismayed to find that nothing had happened. He checked the manual again, before realizing you had to actually plug it in…
*Kenpachi Zaraki*
"What the hell is an ouven?"
"No, no, Kenny! It's pronounced, "OOVEN!"
"Okay, but what the hell is it?"
"The book of words says plug it in and start pressing buttons!"
"Fine." He plugged in the cord and pressed the start button. The machine beeped at him so he tried again. Another beep, and another. Finally, he drew his sword. "YOU CHALLENGING ME, BITCH?! TAKE THIS YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"
With several swings, the oven was reduced to a pile of twisted metal. Yachiru cheered Zaraki on and laughed along with him.
*Kira Izuru*
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND! WHAT DOES "Schließen Sie zuerst in den Ofen." MEAN?!?
*Shuuhei Hisagi*
Being smarter than most people, Hisagi already had every thing set up. The oven was warming up, the cookie dough was scooped out on the pan, and he was getting excited about surprising Rangiku with fresh cookies.
Said blonde burst into the door just then, clearly loud and clearly drunk.
"SHUUHEI! GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN! LET'S GO UPSTAIRS!"
Torn between cookies or his girlfriend, Hisagi flipped off the oven and followed Matsumoto upstairs.*
Byakuya Kuchiki*
Byakuya looked back at Rukia who was on the floor moaning from a headache. Poor girl thought she had to read all six languages of the manual to understand it.
Manual in hand, he pondered the strange metal box. Then it hit him. 'I have no use for this thing anyways. My servants prepare the food!' Having just realized this after two hours (wtf? Two whole hours?), of looking over the manual with his sister in "bonding time", he called in his servants to figure things out.
*Shunsui Kyoraku*
"Neh, Nanao-chan? Does this thing warm up sake?"
"Uh, no, no it doesn't, Tai-"
"Then get rid of it."
"….. Yes sir."
*Jyuushiro Ukitake*
The long-haired captain stared with a blank expression at the ashes that use to be his private kitchen…
"Sentaro, Kiyone."
"Yes sir!" They answered together.
"You tried to push every button at once, didn't you."
"Yes sir!"
Lol ok sorry if you wanna kill me for how lame that was. Anyhow, check out my other stories! They aren't as bad! Promise! R&R.
Neko