Toby had never really loved Washington. One of the many things that distinguished him from Spencer. When ever they would walk through the city Toby always saw the beauty but it was still just a big and loud city. With Spencer it was different, her eyes basically started glowing when ever she saw one of the huge buildings or the crowded streets, when she heard the different voices and noises. Toby never understood why, but he enjoyed it anyway because whenever Spencer smiled, it didnt matter where they were. But Today this was just to much for him. It was one AM and he had been walking around the city for over an hour now, and everything disgusted him. Spencer would make a great politician. She needed this. Success. Recognition. Glory. At the next crossroad he took a little alley leading to a playground. Since it was in the middle of the night there was not a single soul to be seen. But when Toby closed his eyes he could literally hear little children laughing, he could see toddlers waddling around and the triumphant look on the parents faces when their infant made his first try to crawl. If Spencer was here right now what would she think about? Probably about crying and screaming babys, annoying the people around them. Toby felt a tear leaving his eye.
"Why are you talking like our future together is already set in stone?"
That was the last thing he´d heard of her before he´d left the dorm room. Was she right? Was he being immature and naive for believing a relationship could last forever? Maybe he was even being selfish, after all his desire to have a family was more important to him than her desire to have a big career. Toby immediately stopped. What was he doing here. Him leaving and feeling pity for himself wouldn´t fix anything. He was not going to take of again. They were going to make this decision together and what ever it was gonna be they´d get through it.
When he entered her room again, he realized that Spencer hadn´t moved at all since he´d left. Her face was pale her look focused on the wall in front of her and her hands still wrapped around the positive pregnancy test as if it was a bomb that would explode if she let it go. She didn´t even look at him when he sat next to her. For a while none of them said a word and the only thing they heard was the laughter of some college students that were throwing a party beneath them. Another life Toby and Spencer wouldn´t have if they made this decision. Finally Toby opened his mouth. "Look Spencer" He said, trying to find the right words. "This is not something we have to solve tonight, okay? Believe me I´m not thrilled about this pregnancy either, not because I don´t want us to have a child but rather because I always wanted this day to be the best day in both of our lives."
He stopped and tried to read her reaction, but the room was to dark and she still hadn´t moved. So he simply continued. "But I also believe that you and I are people who went through a lot and that we both are desperately looking for a safe place to land a place where we can be happy. And yes, a baby would mean a lot of hard work and some obstacles in your career but I think we could manage that." He took a deep breath. "Because we will always be our safe place to land."
For the first time in this day Spencer made a noise. First Toby thought she was about to get angry but then he realized that she was crying. It had been a long time since Spencer had let anyone see her cry. And never had it been like this. It felt like all the tears she´d hidden this past 20 years were suddenly surfacing.
Her parents always favoring Melissa. Disappointment.
Her starting to Take pills to keep being the best. Desperation.
Alison constantly bullying her. Humiliation.
The Jenna Thing. Guilt.
That night in the barn. Grief.
A´s first threat. Powerlessness.
Her and Tobys first anniversary. Betrayal.
The night in The woods where she found Toby. Emptiness.
Falling into relapse. Shame.
The Dollhouse. Pain.
Spencer tried to calm down, tried to breath but she couldn´t. Her body was simply not able to stop shaking, her hand finally let go of the pregnancy test and instead started looking for Toby´s. He didn´t know how to act, so all he did was wrapping his arms around her tiny, fragile body, not capable of holding back his own tears any longer. Finally, Spencer spoke for the first time.
Her voice was nothing more than a whisper, but Toby heard it anyway. "I don´t know what to do." She said. "I am so scared." Toby only imposed more pressure on her. Afraid of letting go."So am I" He answered. "So am I."