Rise From Ashes, a mass effect fanfic

A/N: I do not own Mass Effect or the wonderful characters I so love playing with. Bioware holds that honor. The song lyrics are "Bad Blood" by Bastille. It was the inspiration and the initial basis of this story. I definitely recommend giving it a listen.

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All this bad blood here, won't you let it dry?
It's been cold for years, won't you let it lie?

The galaxy seemed so fathomless, so unending in moments such as the one Axis Shepard currently found herself in. Axis, not for the first time, found herself contemplating on past events that just would not leave her be. Her parent's grisly demise on the soil of Mindoir, her former home… Captain Athena Gray's face as the thresher maw's acid ate away at her beauty, snuffing both it and her life away from Axis as the then shorter haired woman screamed and screamed and screamed…Kaiden's voice full of understanding and reassurance as he told Axis to save Ashley from the bomb site, all the while finally confessing his own love for his commanding officer. Axis could picture her former lieutenant standing tall and unwavering, a smirk gracing his handsome features as he made his last stand at the AA towers. She could literally feel the bullets that undoubtedly ravaged his body before the bomb tore away whatever, if any, was left of the once heroic man.

The teal-eyed soldier sighed as she gazed out at the surrounding stars, wondering if Kaidan happened to be among them. If anyone deserved to be an immortal fixture in the sky, it was he. "Don't mourn me, Shepard. We both know who you must choose. It is not a question of want; you need Ash. After everything that happened to Athena on Akuze, you deserve to find someone to love. Ash is the one you want, and even though I wish I could have earned that spot, you and I both know that was not possible. Maye in another lifetime, eh?"

Oh Kaidan….foolish, brave, wonderful man. She may not have loved him in a way other than a brother, but she did love him. He had left a hole in her heart, already full of them. Each hole was a dead friend, a family member. A physical statistic, ticking away at her remaining years, until she no longer felt youthful but an old, tired woman. The events that happened on Horizon just added one more hole, one more year gone. Ashley…the name, once full and filled with a solar system of promises and a future, were but empty vessels, reminiscent of the broken Normandy lying on the icy slopes of Alchera. The events that destroyed the original Normandy did not just kill her for the first time; it also apparently killed a romance before it could really take off. So much for Kaidan's words….

If we're only ever looking back
We will drive ourselves insane
As the friendship goes resentment grows
We will walk our different ways

"How could you!? Gone for two years, no word, no nothing! And then you…you finally come back from the dead, with Cerberus? Shepard, what the hell is wrong with you! You know them, you saw what they did! Those experiments, those lives forever lost…and you are with them." Axis shook her long mane, desperate eyes locked onto the furious brown across from her. "Ash, you know me! I would not have joined if I had no choice! Colonies, people are disappearing. The Alliance is doing nothing, nobody is doing anything! But Cerberus, despite their faults…they are doing something about it. I cannot stand idly by and wait for the Reapers to invade! That's not me, Ash. You know that." The soldier shook her head, wearing the exact same armor and her dark hair held in the same bun it had two years before. The hate directed in Shepard's direction, however, was wholly new.

"I thought I knew you, but it appears that I was wrong. You died out there, Shepard! I waited and waited, hoping to God for a miracle! But then…you never showed. I prayed for you, begged whatever higher power was listening to just bring you back, I'd do anything….just bring her back…" Tears rolled down beautifully tanned skin. The crystalline tears seemed to stain the smooth skin, turn it into something so tragically beautiful it made Axis's heart ache in her chest. "Not all scars can be seen, Shepard. It just so happens that you left quite a few. Dying and leaving someone alone for years will do that to you. But, I moved on. And now, here you are once again trying to meddle with my life, change me into something that fulfills your purposes. Why could you not have just stayed away? Why did you ever come back?" Now, that hurt. Pain had blossomed in her chest, a pressure lying heavily on her heart until it seemed to cry out at the strain. That was just the latest mar on a heart too strong for its own good. Axis had struggled to find words, any words, that could follow such a bombshell. The soldier was aware of the stares heating her back from Miranda and Kasumi. Ashley, either from pity or sheer indifference, cut off the clumsy words. "No, Shepard. Nothing you can say will make this, any of this, alright. Too much has happened since then. Things have changed."

Whiskey-colored eyes seemed to glow in the light of the sun, turning them into a fierce amber. "You died Shepard, on the Normandy. For all intents and purposes you are still down there, the captain with her ship. You may look and talk like the real deal, but the true Commander Shepard would never cavort with Cerberus." Axis opened her mouth but Miranda beat her to it. The dark-haired Australian laughed in disbelief, a slight sheen of contempt and annoyance clinging to her skin. "Really? You will let your petty prejudices keep you from seeing the big picture here? Typical Alliance lackey…" Axis ignored her XO, her attention solely focused on her ex gunnery chief. Ashley had turned her face away, a grimace twisting her face into something alien, foreign, to Axis. "I must inform the brass about the Collectors here today. We will see what they think of you, working with…these people." Her eyes seemed to cut into Miranda and Kasumi, though neither were overly affected. Axis was treated to a view of a retreating back, cold and unforgiving. An image of her former captain, silvery blonde hair flowing straight down her back and laughing cobalt swimming through her mind. No, she could not let it end like this!

"Ash!" Her hand reached towards her former lover of its own volition, longing to brush over smooth planes once more. "We have room for you aboard the Normandy. It…it will be just like old times." The words sounded false and hollow to her own ears, such desperation and fear built up and morphing the sentence. Bad choice for all involved. Gunnery Chief Williams jerked her head back over her shoulder, remaining in a fleeing position. "No, Shepard; it won't be the same. I just hope you know what you are doing. Be…careful." The last two words were whispered so softly the wind nearly tore them from Axis's grasp. The woman stood helplessly as she watched the woman she had grown to love during the Saren crusade exit just like she had entered Shepard's life: quick and unexpected and packing a hell of a punch. She had stood there for what seemed like hours, even after the familiar Alliance uniform had vanished. Joker had called in then, cheery voice unwelcome in the aftermath of what appeared to be a break-up. "You ready to board ship Commander?" The question seemed loaded, at least in the soldier's ears. She answered back swiftly, robotic. "Yes, requesting pick-up. I…I've had enough here."

A persistent throbbing from her left hand drew Axis from her reverie. Looking down, Axis was surprised to see her hand locked in a death grip upon her fingers. The nails bit deliciously into her palm, teasing the welcome pain from her pores. It distracted her from her heart. The finality in her now ex-girlfriend's words still resonated deeply within. Axis had truly thought she had finally found her happiness with the woman she was destined to be with. Losing Athena had damn near killed Axis from the heavy guilt. The commander had never planned on falling for another again, and especially the stubborn Alliance soldier. The woman greatly disliked aliens, was a fiery little thing, and was hard to please. But fall she had and now she was regretting the feeling immensely. Why couldn't she trust me? I have never once questioned my faith in her. Why then must she? Before she could wallow more in her self-pity, the door to her chambers swished open and in sauntered her extremely talented and gorgeous XO. Weary teal locked onto ice blue pools, the latter sensing her commanding officer's dark mood.

Gracefully, Miranda sauntered in wearing her usual catsuit, the material forming to her firm stomach and generous curves. "Shepard. I assume you are still thinking about Williams back on Horizon, then?" Huh. Leave it to Miranda to not bullshit around the question. It was one of the qualities Axis liked best in the woman. "Can't get anything passed you, can I? Yes, I have been reviewing the events of Horizon in my head. I…had not thought she would completely reject me. I knew she would not be happy about my allegiance with Cerberus, but to flat out want nothing to do with me…." Dark hair obscured her face from view as she looked down. The wound still smarted. Her visage cracked. Hesitating slightly, Miranda took a good look at the woman she had come to greatly admire, albeit grudgingly, over the course of the mission. She had only regarded the great Shepard as a mere tool at first, not really giving two swats about the soldier who had saved the Citadel. But after working with her and seeing how damn good she was…it was hard to not like Axis.

The Cerberus operative remembered exactly how Axis had looked when Ashley was shouting accusations at her; it was painful to watch. Miranda had already gleaned information about the short-termed dalliance between the two marines. They had obviously truly loved each other, although Williams had been rather quick to sever all ties to her supposed lover. She could still feel the tension, the desperation in the air. Literally feel Axis's mask cracking as the woman she had fought so hard for all the while hunting Saren…just walked away. Walked away from her and the love they once had. Now, Miranda did not view love and affection like others. She had absolutely no want for such a weak emotion; and for good reason. Just look at what that woman had reduced the great Axis Shepard to. It would have been pathetic if it had been anyone else, but Miranda found herself drawn to her commander. She wanted to…help the woman. So, gathering her psyche, a gloved hand settled on the black Alliance uniform Axis insisted on wearing aboard the Normandy. The vanguard lifted her head, locking eyes once more with the woman who should have been her enemy. A spark seemed to jump between them.

Miranda, caught off-guard and a little thrown by the unfamiliar feeling, withdrew her hand quickly. Shepard never moved away from her face, staring intently at the other obsidian-haired female. A peculiar emotion passed swiftly over Shepard's tan face, too quick for Miranda to discern. A strong hand moved forward slowly, towards a face seemingly untouched by the heat of the sun. Miranda's first instinct was to flinch away from the obvious touch, but for some reason she forced herself to stay stock still. Warm fingers tenderly brushed a stray strand of black away, the backs of Shepard's fingers caressing the smooth skin of her comrade's face. Miranda felt her breath catch in her throat at the feeling, valiantly trying not to lean her cheek more against the limb. Axis tucked the strand behind her ear, something Miranda had not done since she was a little girl. "Thank you," Axis breathed out, gratitude shining from her body as surely as sadness had previously. "For what? I haven't done anything…" Miranda whispered back, her accent soft. "For coming here trying to comfort me. It…means more than you know." This time those fingers slid along the smooth planes of her cheekbones, seeming to memorize the flesh.

A wondering look appeared on the strong face as her dark brows knit together. It was if she had seen Miranda for the very first time, like a veil had been lifted from her eyes. The eldest Lawson child felt her heart beating strongly in her chest, hammering to burst out. She had never shown interest in women before, had never even entertained the thought. So, why then was she suddenly wishing that her commander would bend down and capture her lips? Axis watched as consternation and then fear flash across Miranda's face. Deft fingers removed her own so fast that Shepard did not have time to react. Miranda had moved several feet away from her in the span of a heartbeat, looking like a caged animal. "Yes, well…you are welcome, Commander. Now….I…I must get back to my office. I have work…to do. Goodbye, Shepard." She made a speedy exit, eager to escape feelings that could never be felt.

Axis watched her go, feeling like a void had opened in her chest. It was strange…for a moment there, she could have sworn butterflies had taken refuge in her stomach. The marine shook her head, dislodging the thoughts from her mind. No….it could not be. This feeling was merely gratitude towards the woman for at least trying to help. Axis resumed her watch of the stars, now contemplating something new besides her ex.