One day I didn't exist and then I guess I happened. Dunno why. I dunno a lot about anything. I dunno a lot about writing, either, but I can try, especially when i want to tell people something. I guess I want to tell you something pretty badly when I try to write.
I can do government documents, yeah. I've developed a method, you know. You're not really there, but your hand is writing and when you come back you've got a document and one helluva sore hand. Never seemed to make them upset, anyhow, they just take em. I mean the, uh, boss. You-know-who. The president. The president takes my documents, well, his secretaries do, and there's not much to it. But I like him, you know I do. I like all my presidents.
I guess I'm pretty old - I'm 180-something now, I think it was 4 or 5. 185, I just checked. And, well, my friends are old. Really old. I think one of them might be a thousand years old. He's still kickin'. I guess we all know in the end that there's not much left to a life with no end. You don't got anything to work for. We all know that, so I guess we just get by. At least, from what I've seen. Don't wanna say nothing about people I know nothing about.
The thousand year guy's called Arthur. He's a nice guy, just takes you a while to realize it. He's like an onion, or whatever. He's got layers and he makes you cry. He's a real piece of work - he likes to get worked up over the smallest things, especially when he's been drinking, and I swear it would take the apocalypse to calm him down when he's going. At the very least, maybe a good fistfight. He used to be real fond of those back in the days, but I think he's mellowed out since then. He also likes to pretend he's tough - and boy, he can be. Guy can be tough as nails under pressure, but if you look close you see his hands are trembling and his palms are sweaty but he goes on through anyway. It's admirable how he can do that - when I'm nervous, I'm a wreck. I try to tell myself to keep going and suck it up, but I can't; I need support. Arthur just goes on without anyone telling him to. I asked him once how he learned to do it; he told me it was just what happened around the 500-year mark. It pisses me off when people hold their age over me, considerin' I'm 185 and all, but I think he sort of deserves to, on some level.
He's not a big guy; he's almost as tall as me, but if you just looked at him you never woulda guessed. He's strong, yeah, but a lean kind of strong, the kind that isn't so much muscle as it is sheer pissiness and an unwillingness to stand down to anyone. Goddamn, I don't even know if that made sense. It's more obvious when you see him in a fight. He's rarely serious about it, in that sort of way where he sizes up his opponent and is all, "you ain't shit". In those sorts of fights, he's kinda light on his feet. He's talented with pain - he's good at it. He knows how to send you reeling, and he's strong, too. Looking at him, you wouldn't have thunk it. Like I said, he looks like a little guy. Not short little, skinny little, like he wasn't fed enough as a kid. (He probably wasn't.) But boy, is he strong. He'll knock you out before you have a chance to say sorry. When he is serious, he'll put all his weight into a punch, and he'll break ribs. Honest to goodness he will. Think he's killed a guy before, too, but we don't talk too much about it. After fights, he always looks all proud. He looks like one of those puffed-up birds whose lost a toe and an eye and still wants you to know that he beat someone up. He's so goddamn proud. I like that about him.
I said I wanted to tell y'all something, but I think that was it. Watchin' Arthur is like watching... well, something great. He's great. I like Arthur.