Anthology of Mediocrity
By Lord Raa
Disclaim-me-do: Not the droids you're looking for
This was inspired by the "what if someone other than Genma raised Ranma" idea that seemed popular a while back. Naughty words and silly ideas abound.
Ranma walked down the street. He was unsure of what the man who claimed to be his genetic parent wanted to speak to him about.
The man he considered his father had laughed and sent Ranma on his way when he'd received the letter requesting to meet up with Ranma again on "neutral territory" as the absentee parent put it. The young man's thoughts turned to when he was sent on this mission of self-discovery.
"I've taught you all I can, Ranma," his bald guardian told him. "Go see what he wants. You should be able to tell if he's keeping anything from you. If you can't then, you should find another profession. A journalist that can't sort fact from fiction is worthless."
The next thing Ranma knew was that the front door to his mentor's apartment was slammed shut.
"Bastard!"
"You've only just found that out?" a male voice called out from behind the reinforced door.
"Bhen-chud!" Ranma bellowed back.
Inside, the man in the glasses with mismatched lenses smiled. "At least he paid attention when I taught him how to curse in foreign languages."
The raven haired young man turned the corner to see a dojo. Casting his inquisitive gaze over the sign, he saw that this was the place he was looking for.
Knocking on the door, he straightened his black linen suit and prepared to smile at the residents.
"Hello, may I help you?" a brunette with long hair that rested on her right should asked with a gentle tone.
"Hello," Ranma bowed slightly, "I'm looking for Genma Saotome."
"Who are you?"
"I'm Ranma Saotome," the long haired man said as he scanned the inside of the house as best he could.
"Do come in," the young woman smiled pleasantly. "We've been expecting you."
"You have?" Ranma asked. "Why?"
"Your father is here, Ranma-kun."
Ranma said nothing, but followed the attractive girl inside. He stopped when he realised that his host wasn't wearing outdoor shoes. Quickly shedding the heavy boots, Ranma made up the distance between him and the housedress wearing woman.
"Father, Ranma-kun is here," Kasumi announced.
"Excellent, Kasumi," a moustached man smiled at his daughter. "Please could you get Akane and Nabiki? This concerns all of you."
"Yes Father," Kasumi bowed and left to fetch her sisters.
Ranma sauntered up to the table where Mr. Tendo was sitting and asked him the most pressing question on his mind. "Where's Genma Saotome?"
Soun was taken aback by Ranma's abrasive attitude. "He'll be here shortly. Why don't you tell me about yourself?"
"I'm a freelance journalist."
Soun frowned.
"You're disappointed?" Ranma asked with a shrug. "What do I care what you think? You're not Genma Saotome. Or are you?"
"I'm Soun Tendo, master of this dojo. You should show some respect," the older man scolded.
"Why should I?"
"Because you're going to be my son-in-law," Soun explained.
"Pardon? Who shot who in the what now?" Ranma asked, stunned by that statement.
"Yes, Dad, perhaps you could explain what you mean by that?" Nabiki asked, not liking where this was going.
"Years ago, Ranma's father and I had a dream about joining the schools of Anything Goes so that our legacy would be secured. That's why Ranma is going to marry one of you," Soun smiled at his "little girls".
"Father!" Kasumi exclaimed.
"I don't think so," Nabiki frowned.
"Not gonna happen," Akane growled.
"See? This is a bad idea. Where's Genma? I need to speak with him," Ranma's tone was not pleasant.
"Here I am boy. You're looking well, though a little weak. Have you been slacking off on your training?" a rotund man asked from the sliding door.
"No. My sempai says that I've learnt all he can teach me," Ranma smirked. "All I lack is real life experience in my work."
"And what is that?" Nabiki asked. If Ranma had a job already, then he might have some money saved to treat her to something nice.
"Freelance journalist," Ranma repeated.
"Why am I cursed to have such a weak son? Why couldn't you have followed in my footsteps?" Genma wailed.
"Because you tricked someone into looking after me, fatso," Ranma reminded his parent.
"Quiet you," the elder Saotome ordered.
Ranma laughed before pulling out what looked like a toy gun.
BZZTT
Genma frowned. "Ohh, excuse me."
The balding man rushed to the toilet, clutching his stomach.
"What was that?" Nabiki asked, intrigued as to the monetary value of such a trinket.
"Bowel disrupter," Ranma smiled. "Well, there's nothing for me here."
"But what about the pledge to unite the Schools of Anything Goes?" Soun asked, hoping to get the young man to see reason.
"I don't practice martial arts," Ranma shrugged. "And you shouldn't be in such a rush to get rid of your daughters."
"I'm not trying to get rid of them!"
"Sounds like it to me, Daddy," Nabiki teased.
"Oh my," Kasumi said in surprise.
"So what next? You can't keep me here against my will," Ranma smirked. "I'm out of here."
"Wait," Nabiki interrupted, "you said you were a journalist. What articles have you written?"
"I am and I wrote about the yakuza trying to influence members of the Diet about the trade negotiations with the EU three weeks ago."
"Wait, you're Wild Horse Jerusalem?"
"I am indeed," Ranma grinned. "What are you going to do about it?"
"Ask you not to write about my father's foolishness," the middle Tendo daughter pled.
"What, you mean the fact that he was willing to sell off one of his daughters to a man they haven't met before?" Ranma smirked insufferably. "Now why wouldn't I want to do that?"
"Because it's rude, Ranma-kun," Kasumi admonished.
"And? I've done worse things."
"Like what?" Soun demanded, not liking this youngster's attitude.
"Like this," Ranma yawned as he fired his bowel disrupter at the Tendo patriarch.
"Ohh! Excuse me please," Soun screamed as he rushed for the still occupied toilet.
"My work here is done," Ranma decided.
"What did you do to our dad?" Nabiki asked as politely as she could.
"Nothing much, though I recommend that you cut down on his fibre for a day or two," Ranma said in an off hand manner.
He turned and left the stunned Tendos.
Worth continuing?
What? You don't know how raised Ranma yet?
The journalism and bowel disrupters not a big enough hint?
Sigh It's Spider Jerusalem from "Transmetropolitan"
This was not pre-read, and it probably shows.