Title: To Keep Your Memory in Me (1/2)
Warnings: Spoilers for entire series (kind of); a lot of this is based off a situation that could possibly be true-ish, maybe? Head-canon for the win!
Note: Hi everyone, before this starts, give me a chance to explain. I, like everyone, have been wondering what the hell happened to old characters, especially Kid Flash. Due to a recent episode of Superboy saying he broke up with Miss Martian because she left him no choice, and the casualness of how she brain broke that alien, my head cannon went: OMFG, What if Miss Martian accidentally killed Wally by doing that? More importantly, how the hell did Dick respond to that, especially if a new Kid Flash came a few years later and got along with Robin (Tim)?
So the angst and sorrow began, growing from this small idea into over three thousand words that will be continued into a second chapter (never saw it being this long). Also un-betaed because I am impatient as all hell and paranoid tomorrow's episode will invalidate how I saw the family dynamic of Nightwing and Robin (I'd be thrilled if Wally lives though). If you want to help, leave me a message in your review. (If you do).
Mini-Edit: Realized I had mixed up a few of the years; sorry for confusion. Aqualad's fate, which will be further expanded upon in the next chapter, was also fixed.
Disclaimer: I don't own, I'm unlucky like that.
Summary: With a new Kid Flash rushing around and bonding with his successor, Nightwing is forced to do the one thing he wishes he could avoid: remember. The Wally in his head approves.
(Summer, 2016)
From his position at the monitors, Nightwing can only see the awed expression of Kid Flash, wide eyed and hesitant to blink, despite having been to The Cave a handful of times before. Robin pulls him from the entrance and down a corridor, sparing a lingering look to Nightwing, who nods him away.
Even after all this time, he was not fully prepared for the shock (longing, its longing-uniform designed with different shades of yellow, near white, and hair too brown to ever be mistaken for red).
Wally's gleeful grin at this doesn't disappear.
(Spring 2015)
Dick isn't sure who is more excited to meet the new Robin; Wally's a front runner though ("Baby Bat! Dude! I have to corrupt him and teach him my ways. And some credit, I want to meet Tim.). The situation is tragic. God, he'd give anything to prevent this pain for his pseudo little brother, but he can't; the one positive of the situation would be Tim getting to grow into Robin, throw his grief into training (it saved Bruce, saved him) and let him have a chance to meet a hero outside of Gotham.
"Bet I can get him to like me more."
"Yeah right, I'm the definition of cool, older brother material."
"Last time I checked, that's not how I'd define you. And if you're the older brother, what does that make me? Super older brother?"
"Potential relative we spend the majority of time distancing ourselves from?"
They later agreed, after dinner, that Tim would end up loving Alfred best.
Everyone did.
(Fall, 2016)
Over time, he has become a good brother, learned to tell when Tim is lying over how overwhelmed (not whelmed at all, either of them at those times) he actually is or that he has vanilla ice cream when he misses his old life, because one of his earliest memories is of his mother taking him to a park and buying him a cone. They bond over Bruce, over joke fighting for Alfred's cooking, over shared loss.
Shared friends.
Tim had only gotten to meet Wally a few times, walking through the mansion's front door to see Dick and Wally in the middle of a movie or on their way out. They'd gotten along too well for Dick's' sake, he used to complain, ganging up on him over opinions of the best Star Wars characters and their mutual agreement to try and hide dictionaries from him. He spends too much time trying to forget their look over his protest of "Not feeling the aster."
He had not been ready enough to work with Kid Flash, never had to learn adapting tactics to involve a speedster, something Dick had found as easy as breathing after so many shared years. Despite his best attempts, the motions never faded, no matter how much he ignored them. In battle, blurs of yellow always caught his attention. Wally hated not being noticed.
The introduction of Bart led Tim to be 'panicked', in his fashion, over the lack of training and preparation. Dick normally found Freaked!Tim five different types of humorous, (his personal favorite being how Tim's tone would wobble slightly at the start of his issue until he calmed down and then grew steady and level no matter the topic; damn, younger than him and already known as the serious Robin). This time, bile in Dick's throat made it difficult to laugh.
"He's just everywhere at once and I can't keep track of him."
"How do I know if he'll stay with his crooks and not speed over while I'm in the middle of attacking another set?"
"Is he supposed to heal that fast?"
Dick wants to reply, wants to tell him how time will make this easier, that he should be thankful, not worried that broken bones don't last two months. But he can't, just reminds Robin that Batman and the Flash have worked together for years and that Batman will have a better opinion.
Tim stares straight through him and thanks him quietly. Despite feeling awful at that moment, not like a decent brother at all, Dick can recognize that Tim feels at fault here, bringing up this topic in the first place and looks ready to apologize. There's only one thing Dick can do. Lie.
"Ask Batman for me too, alright? It's been awhile since I've had to think about this."
Tim just looks at him harder.
Wally doesn't look at him at all.
(Winter, 2015-2016)
Over time, they'd all been offered positions in the League. Rocket left first, followed quickly by Zatanna. Artemis chose to retire, at least temporarily; being raised by parents who had no backup plan except for more crime, Artemis (and her mother) turned to education so she could have that stability and support. Roy had been long gone on his own quest. The less said about Aqualad (Kaldur, Tula, we miss you), the better.
Guilt kept Miss Martian (and debatably Superboy, although he never elaborated fully on his reasons) with The Team. Caution, and the need to monitor, kept Nightwing there as well.
He was not about to lose someone else he loved to a mistake by Miss Martian. (Not her fault, not her fault, not her fault. You listening to me yet?)
Wally had been enough.
(Fall, 2015)
Surprisingly, it was Batman that suggested (ordered, he ordered) that Tim had earned a place on the Team; Tim, serious, patient, almost painfully bright, deserved it.
Dick was the roadblock. As handler, he had a right to veto. He'd never had to before, even with the questionable inclusion of Beast Boy (young, grief stricken, wanting to follow a beloved family member into battle- similarities he sympathized with). Hell, he had been eager for Barbara.
But, just for a minute, he wanted to refuse, wanted to keep Tim in Gotham for just awhile longer. It wasn't rational, wasn't something he could really explain (Liar! Dude, you're still freaked over Miss M. But it's Tim! He'll be fine. He's going to take over the world one day, if Batman lets him and he himself clues in. Dibs on Hawaii.)
Dick let him in and refused to remember why he hesitated.
(2015)
He died in the summer, thousands of miles from home. The Team, just Robin, Kid Flash, Superboy, and Miss Martian, had been tasked with monitoring suspicious activity at a shell company of Lex Corp.
"I want Italian."
"KF! Focus!"
"I am! I was thinking of Greek but now I'm firm on Italian."
"…"
"Nothing's going on-"
Boom!
"I can feel your glower. Dude, not my fault!"
Her name had been Myriad, and she was a shape shifter with formidable mind control. She latched onto Kid Flash, first on the scene. By the time they had arrived, the two of them, twins, were circling each other, a dozen feet from the smoking, door less side entrance.
They couldn't tell them apart. Every question: same answer, same response, same desperate looks.
Miss Martian, so powerful, so much potential, gently, at first, entered their minds to no avail. She kept pressing, kept searching for the truth, for a way to break the connection, and, in one second, both Wallys collapsed.
Their (his) Wally never woke up.
Myriad didn't remember a thing (and God, was that not fair. She will not be haunted with wide green eyes looking at him and blinking in quick bursts. It's me. blink. You're my best friend. blink. Tell them you know it's me.)
There is no blink after that.
(Fall and Winter, 2016)
Bart is enthusiastic and bright but, Tim complains to him, he has no basic self preservation. Dick's noticed as well, sees how Superboy, more often than not, is roped into dragging Kid Flash to medical. Well, he does when Kid Flash is actually conscious enough to put up a fight.
After this case from Alaska, he's not.
Remember that time in Greenland, where I accidentally slid into you? We skidded like twenty feet into a snow bank, and Artemis didn't stop laughing for five minutes. I got knocked out with a head cold, and Superboy had to lug me off the Bio-Ship when I refused to wake up. Your freaky Bat powers kept you healthy, and I hated you until you brought me soup from Alfred. We both pretended you knew I had been fine the entire time. Dude! Remember?
He passes any possibly psych evaluation with flying colors and a smile; immediately after, the injuries decrease for a few weeks after a session until they spike up again. It's a cycle that needs to be broken.
Wally's chant of Ambush! Ambush! Ambush goes ignored.
(Summer, 2015)
He is only seventeen when forced to bury his best friend. He doesn't speak a word at the funeral and doesn't remember a word spoken. There are only faint memories: huddling between Bruce and Tim as if they could make the hurt lessen as time did, the red of his tie, the fact it was sunny. Wally would have loved it, would have prodded and whined until Dick relented and hit a town or beach with him, sunglasses allowed and not complained about because of the weather. He'd most likely wear an obnoxiously colored counterpart to them. He'd fake hurt over Dick's teasing and attempt to slap the back of his head, laughing over-
It hurts to (feel) think.
(Late Spring, 2016)
"This is Kid Flash." Batman gestures to the boy standing next to the Flash at the entrance, both equally drenched and leaving puddles on the floor. Seconds later, B-20 is called out and Robin joins them, sliding into Kid Flash and nearly tumbling to the floor.
Dick disconnects. Doesn't just leave the room, but the building, hell the planet. Everything rushes back, and he feels dizzy.
It rained earlier in Central City, and the rooftop he and Batman are waiting on is slick. In what will become a running theme, Robin gets slammed into by an eager Kid Flash, who, Flash ruefully comments, needs to work on his stopping.
Kid Flash apologizes in a rush, babbling, and Robin cannot understand a word.
"You should have been named Kid Mouth!"
"Nice. Explain the bird and bat connection to me."
Robin hits him on the arm and decides to like him.
He never stops.
(Fall, 2015)
Dick blames everyone for the incident.
Myriad for choosing Wally, for changing the shade of her eyes to a deeper green, for mimicking the way his nose crinkled when stressed. (She'll be placed in the same category as Zucco and the Joker; the small group of people he can never forgive, wants to see bleed and hurt despite what Bruce has taught him. His thoughts turn bitter when he tries to ignore these feelings.)
Miss Martian, obviously, although he's been trained to hold his tongue (Even now he feels the constant hurthurthurt that follows with every beat of his heart when he thinks about her involvement). At sixteen though, he resents her hair color not being brighter, that her training wasn't up to par, that she's maturing and hiding her hurt better than him.
The crux of the issue with Miss Martian is that he can't trust her to know her limitations, to not hurt someone he loves again. He rationally knows it was Myriad's control that took Wally, but, there's a gut reaction to fear, just for a millisecond, her going through minds.
Myriad broke psychic connection only through death. Miss Martian didn't do anything, he knows this. The feelings don't go away so easily.
Superboy, for not stopping his girlfriend. (Years later, he'll remember those feelings with disgust and shame. Conner is sometimes the only one he trusts to keep Tim safe on missions. Superboy, bless his humanity, and he is the human one between the two during those dark moments, never comments on how often he is paired with Tim during the summer, just shares a steady look over Miss Martian's head).
Bruce, for sending them off to the mission. That feeling goes away almost immediately after seeing the look on Bruce's face when he returns home. He'd be dead without his father, who, along with Tim and Alfred, were the only three people to keep him sane after the mission, who did not resent his moods and sluggishness outside of crime fighting.
He goes to sleep knowing it's his fault. Breathes failure in and out. He prays, occasionally, to Wally, for forgiveness. Dick had an idea who was the real one, ended up being proven right, but his claims weren't sure enough, lacked his usual confidence.
There is no response.
Wally died, scared and knowing his best friend had failed him.
Dick wasn't sure who was more heart broken.
Wally, most likely, the goofier heart to his wit and brains. His best friend. His blood on Dick's hands, in his memory.
Most nights, he doesn't sleep, just tries his best not to remember.
(Winter, 2016)
For all his carelessness with his own health, Kid Flash did not handle team injuries well. Or at all. He'd often vibrate in place nearby the injured party, trying to find the right words to say, stumbling or rushing the entire time. Even (especially) when it came to Tim (who learned to smile, comprehend without asking for clarity), who was currently being woken up for the third time in as many hours to monitor his concussion-pieces of falling ceilings have a tendency to have nasty side effects.
Surprisingly, however, when Dick went to check on Tim, Kid Flash was nowhere to be seen. Tim groggily gestured to a hall on the alternate side of the room, upon seeing his brother. Batgirl, seated next to the bed, mouthed Kid Flash at him and looked half ready to go get him herself.
("She's my favorite!" Wally mentioned as he ignored her now vacant position at the foot of the bed to sprawl out next to Dick. "She's the one who told me how stupid you were being. My role of best friend should automatically guarantee me the chance to make mug shots outside your hospital room, not find out you were even there after you come home." He proceeded to steal the remote, a pillow, and a spoon, helping himself to the ice cream.
He smiled at the look Dick sent him, ignored the huff, and put on a corny horror flick they could mock.
Babs halted at the door to laugh at Wally getting beaten by a pillow for mentioning how lovely the silence the tonsillectomy caused actually was.)
Dick walks out, bypasses the training room, and heads to an exit for the cliffs.
For better or for worse (He doesn't know which by this point), Bart took after Wally in many ways, specifically his trick of sulking away from prying eyes by going outside. Dick spent countless hours Wally hunting over cliffs until he finally, instinctively understood just where he would be. Tim's currently logging an impressive number of his own speeder search. It's sometimes enough to make his heart clench.
The occasional stabs of memory, of acute nostalgia and deja vu are nothing compared to the moment he spots Bart, rock shadows and the reflection of the sun turning him into Wally for that one second. He stops breathing, stops functioning, stops hurting, until it rushes back painfully, shattering his heart (and that's what Wally is-had been, but wasn't anymore, because he was dead, not alive, and that's Bart, not a ghost).
Dick flees, ignoring a pained voice ordering him: Go back there right now!
This ran away with me, I admit it. I even went and gave Miss Martian possible innocence cause I love these characters too god damn much. And Myriad is a real character; to lose the psychic connection, she has to kill the other person and never remembers what she did. Part 2 of 2 will be published within a week or two; this only took two days, but the second one is so much more emotional.
And if you cried, I feel glad I'm not alone, (but I know what happens in part 2).