Dia,

I've got news...

It might be good news, or bad news, depending how you take it. To me it feels like bad news.

Maybe it's the seperation, or maybe it's my stupidity, or something like that. It might even be my parent's influence on me...

I hate myself for saying this stuff. I hate it, I really don't want to say this to you. But if I don't say it, it's like I'm living a lie.

I wanna tell you the truth.

So here it is.

Something's changed in the course of the two months I haven't seen you. Something's changed, and it'll fucking kill you inside.

It already killed me once I figured it out. I hated it. But it was the truth.

Something changed inside my mentality. All of a sudden.

I'm gonna kill myself for saying this, but I feel like I have to.

All of a sudden, I didn't love you as much as I did during the school year.

Don't go killing yourself, don't go doing any emo shit. If you do that, I will really just...

Guilt's already come in. It's been there since I realized this.

Something changed.

During the school year, I asked myself why did I like you? Yeah, it was cause your personallity...

But then something else submerged.

Did I love you because you came up to me and said that you liked me? Was that it? Was it because I felt so lonely, that I would have accepted anyone's request?

Was that fucking it?

I never wanted to break this to you. Fuck. I'm crying now. But it's reality. That's how I feel.

Like I said, don't go running off and killing yourself or something. Don't do that. You're too precious to lose. That will never change. That idea will never change. If you go and kill yourself because of me...

We'll always be friends. No matter what. I wouldn't be surprised if you hated me after you read this. I wouldn't blame you. I hate myself already.

This time, I really broke your heart. And I hate it. I fucking hate it.

I have to do some stuff before I get in trouble. Any confessions, anything personal you told me will be kept secret. If you release mine out to public, I don't blame you. I don't blame you for anything you do because of this. I just wanna let you know that I care about you, but... It just changed.

I'll call you tonight. If you haven't read this by then, I'll tell you to read it. I'll call you the next night, if you'll accept the call. If you hang up once you hear my voice, I don't blame you.

You're to precious to lose. We'll always be friends, unless you don't want me to be your friend. I'll understand. I've been through enough shit to know that what I'm telling you will change everything. Even though you're my first relationship, i can just tell...

The worst thing you could do is tell me that everything is ok, and lie about it. I'll be able to see it in your eyes when I get to school. Please, just don't do that. Yell, scream, hit whatever. Just don't lie about it...

I still love you, I still care about you. But I'm not sure if I'm gonna do this romatic thing. No more kissing or anything like that. No romatic shit. I wouldn't be able to bear it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. I really am.

Love,

Jason