I sit on a plane stunned that I actually had the nerve to get on it by myself. I should be on the plane to Rome now, with Lizzie and Gordo. I thought Lizzie was going to knock me out and stick me in her suitcase when I told her I wasn't going on the 8th grade class trip to Rome. She didn't but then she again she has refused to speak to me for the last two weeks when it was officially to late for me to pay the money to go on the trip. Lizzie, Gordo and the rest of my class leave for Rome in a week, but me, I'm on my way to Colorado. When I was offered the chance to go to a prestigious camp to for singing lessons Lizzie had half heartily congratulated me on my acceptance following the congratulations up with a "so long as it's not during our trip to Rome". And when she found out that it was she basically insisted that I not go to camp and come with her and Gordo to Rome, that the trip to Rome was entirely more important than camp. I understand where she was coming from and it upset me a little, but I can't really blame her. With Lizzie there has always been this unspoken code between us, she gets to lead and stand out and I get to shine whenever she is shining brighter. It sounds terrible, and it honestly upsets me occasionally but it's really just the way Lizzie is. Everyone she knows lives in her shadow. There's me. Even Gordo does, he does well in school yes but he is always willing to lay anything down so that Lizzie can have her security blanket, her perfect world surrounding her. Wasn't it Gordo he came back from his perfect opportunity to get ahead in school? Then there's Matt, he, most of all lives in Lizzie's shadow. I know people use it all the time to explain trouble children, it's not Jo and Sam's fault for ignoring Matt sometimes but Lizzie just has one of those personalities where everyone she has around her lives in her shadow. Not that that's always a bad thing. In science we were learning about a type of cactus that lives in the shadow of a plant so that it can grow to be a big healthy cactus. And in a lot of respects Lizzie is that little plant but she hasn't come to realize yet that eventually the cactus grows strong and has to live it's own life. Sometimes though, I don't think it's Lizzie who has to realize it, I think it's everyone around Lizzie who has to finally step out of the shadow and live their own life. And that's what I'm doing. I'm not trying to make a statement to Lizzie that I'm not her best friend; that's not the point I'm trying to make, all I'm trying to do is establish my own life. Become my own person, I'm still Lizzie's best friend and I always will be, but for the first time in my life I am doing my own thing. I'm not living in the shadow anymore, and I am soaking in the sunlight.