I got this idea from watching AJ Rafael's MV of "Without You." (BIG fan.) Well anyway, he used the five stages of grief, and I was thinking how I could fit it into a one-shot. (You can listen to the song "Without You" by AJ Rafael while reading this if you like.)
BTW, okay, yeah. I'm still 12. My birthday hasn't passed yet. [:
Disclaimer: In no way do I own iCarly.
"I-I have cancer…" She confesses to them quietly. They all sit in shock, all in a circle around her. "Terminal cancer…" She adds hesitantly. Everyone's quiet, as they're all frozen in astonishment.
~x0x0x~
Days have passed since the confession. They were all praying for her, praying that it wasn't true. Praying that everything was a lie, and she'll feel better in no time. But it was all wrong. Cancer has chosen her, and there was nothing they could do about it.
Freddie spots his 4-month girlfriend sitting on a wooden bench in the fog. She's wearing her white coat, complete with the black scarf he had given to her. She is curled up in a ball, with her hugging her knees closely to her chest. He sighs curtly, the mist of his breath showing in the air. He slowly walks toward her, the dry leaves crunching beneath his feet. He knows she knows he's here, but she hadn't bothered to unwrap herself.
He looks at her. Simply looks at her, and notices a few things. Her blonde hair was getting shorter and duller. Her eyes had lost that innocent glow it held. Her face was scrunched up in worry, and confusion.
He kneels down on one knee in front of her, reaching out for a black velvet box in the back of his pocket. He places it in the palm of his hand, flipping the case open, showcasing a beautiful ring that glowed in the faint sunlight. In the middle held a beautiful diamond that added that beautiful sparkle. By then, Sam had unwrapped herself and simply stared at the ring and at Freddie.
"Sam, I know we've only been dating for a few months, but we're 23 now, and I've known you for the longest time. You knew me better than anyone else, and vice versa. We're perfect for each other. You make me smile when I'm feeling down, you add that adventure in my life that urges me to go on and don't give up. You're the spark in my life, and I want you to be that spark in my life that stays with me forever. So what I'm asking is… Will you marry me?" Freddie asks her, hoping for a yes.
She knows he knows that she's dying. She's slowly dying inside, and yet he's proposing to her. "Freddie… I'm dying. I'm dying! Okay? I don't want you to propose to me and get married to me, when you know I'll just die a few months or weeks or days or even minutes from now. You deserve someone better, don't waste this proposal on me… why me, anyway?"
He leans up and kisses her with a kiss full of passion. "Because… there's no one else in the world like you. I'm asking you to marry me, Sam… please… I love you so much…" He tells her, a tear leaving his eye. "And it hurts me to know you'll be leaving soon. I want to be married to you, because there's no one else in the world like you, and I don't want to be with anyone else but you. So please… Will you marry me?"
And at that, she nods her head, sobbing uncontrollably as he slips the ring onto her finger and kisses her with passion.
~x0x0x~
Stage 1: Denial
"I'm fine. It's not going to happen." Sam tells herself quietly, shaking her head and placing it in her palms. Her short hair was tied up in a small ponytail. "It's not true…" She tells herself again, looking at herself in the mirror.
The doctor had told her she only had around few weeks to live as if everything were fine. She and Freddie had sobbed that night, in their own house on the hillside. They had held each other in their arms, afraid that if they let go, she would be gone forever. He had kept kissing her forehead, saying everything was going to be fine, when he knew everything wasn't.
"I'm fine. It's not true. I have plenty more years. I have my whole lifetime! Yes!" She tries convincing herself, her mouth twisted into a desperate grin. Tears are streaming down her cheeks and onto the bathroom sink.
"It's not true…" She whispers, her head hanging down.
~x0x0x~
Stage 2: Anger
"Why does this have to happen to me, Freddie!?" She asks her husband with desperation in her voice. She lets out a sob and collapses on the floor. She grabs the nearest vase and throws it across the room, watching it shatter in pieces. "It's not fair!" She cries, grabbing a teacup and throwing it in the same direction of the vase.
Freddie quickly scurries over to her, holding her wrists to avoid further shattering. He looks into her eyes, her dull, dull eyes, and hushes her. "Hey… hey… stop it… everything happens for a reason, Sam. Everything happens for a reason." He tries reasoning, pulling her onto his lap and wrapping her legs around his waist.
"Then what reason is this? Cancer chose me for a reason? Why? Because they hate me!" She cries, tears escaping her eyes. "They hate me! I knew it! It's my entire fault. I could've gotten better, but I made everyone's life a living Hell, and obviously Cancer's too!" She shouts, throwing her hands in the air not caring that Freddie was still holding her wrists.
"I hate it!" Sam continues. "It's my entire fault. It's my entire fault this happened." She comments, her voice soft.
"No, no, no… Sam, listen to me, okay? Okay? Sam! Look at me!" He finally shouts, and that seemed to catch her attention. She casts her eyes to his, dull blue meeting bright brown. His hair is disheveled and his face is scrunched up in worry. He shakes his head, his lip trembling. "It's not your fault, Sam. It's never your fault." He tells her, hugging her head to his chest.
She finally lets out another sob as Freddie is quietly crying. Sam clutches his shirt in handfuls and starts screaming. Why does this have to happen to her?
~x0x0x~
Stage 3: Bargaining
Sam sits in her bed, with Freddie laying peacefully in his sleep. She smiles, looking at him with eyes full of love and passion. She gently and softly brushes his hair to the side, and she swears she sees his lips twirl into a smile for the slightest second.
The moon is glowing through their window, lighting up the dark bedroom. The wind was hitting their glass window gently, as if it were a person trying to get inside.
Sam looks up, with her hands in her laps and intertwined together. She slowly claps them together, looking up, and closing her eyes. Her voice is really low, very pleading, as she says something. Something she hopes can change her life forever.
"Hey God. I know, I haven't really been… talking to you… or go to church that much… But I figured, I will start to. You gave me life, you died on the cross for me. I should thank you. As you know, like always, you know what I'm going through. I'm very stressed lately, I can't have children, because I don't want to take the risk of passing this disease to them. And, plus, there's not enough time for me to carry them. I only have a few weeks to live, and I was wondering… if you could possibly… give me more time?
"I know it feels like I'm asking for so much… especially for something so precious. You only get to live once, right? Like that expression YOLO?" She chuckles. "But, I want to have… maybe a bit of an extension? I promise I'll definitely take care of my life this time. I know I've done terrible things, but I always grew to forgive myself, and vow to never do it… But, please…
"Please…" Sam lets a tear escaper her eyes as she lowers her head down, still keeping her eyes closed. "Give me a few more years, please. I'll make the best out of it. I'll do anything. I promise. I promise this with all my heart." She inhales sharply, and exhales with a ragged breath. "Please…" She opens her eyes and looks out the window, staring at the white full moon. "Please… Amen."
She gently tucks herself back under the covers, cuddling with Freddie who instantly wraps his arm around her waist. She closes her eyes, hoping for a change tomorrow.
~x0x0x~
Stage 4: Depression
Sam storms in the bedroom and locks it, jumping onto her bed. She lets out the most desperate and saddening sob she had ever let out. She starts to hiccup and cough, trying to forget everything. She's going to die soon. She's going to die soon. I'm going to die soon. She thinks, rolling over and facing the ceiling. She turns her head to the side, still crying, and sees the moon stare at her.
She was still going to die.
There was nothing she could do.
She screams and throws the pillow towards the door.
She sees the doorknob jiggle, and Freddie storms in, jumping into bed with her and pulling her onto his lap. He rocks them back and forth, trying to soothe Sam. But of course, he's also crying.
Tears stain their bed sheets while Sam is sobbing and clutching at Freddie's shirt, afraid to let go. Her eyes are bloodshot, her hair is falling one-by-one. Her face clearly showed depression and innocence. Freddie wraps his arms tighter around her waist, as the tears are streaming down their faces. Sam slings her arms around his neck.
They weep in each other's embrace, no one saying a word. They don't want this to happen, but unfortunately it is. It's going to happen.
Freddie whispers sweet nothings in her ear, trying to calm down. He kisses her in attempt to calm both of them down and Sam kisses back. They were crying through their kisses, screaming and sobbing and weeping. They pull away and Freddie wipes her tears with his thumbs.
"Why… me?" She whispers before collapsing next to Freddie on the bed and crying into the pillow.
~x0x0x~
Stage 5: Acceptance
"Hey, Sammy." Freddie says, walking into the bedroom and seeing Sam wearing a beautiful white high-low halter sundress accented with blue hibiscus flowers scattered all around the dress. She was wearing her favorite black flats, with little bows near the tip. Her short blonde hair was tucked under a white bandana, except for her side bangs that flowed freely in front of her face. She was wearing little makeup, just to bring out some more "oomph" into the style.
Freddie could not stop staring. She looks so beautiful, and if he could stare at her forever, he would. He glides over to her, taking her hand and pulling her towards him. He lands a chaste kiss on her lips before pulling back and staring into her eyes that had restored that wonderful glow. "You look beautiful." He says to her, leaning their foreheads together.
"Thank you." She whispers before Freddie takes her hand and drives them to their hill.
The sun is setting, and they promised each other they'd watch it one more time, one last time, until their last goodbye, although they knew they were going to be in each other's hearts forever.
They sit down on the fresh green grass together and hold each other's hands.
Sam has grown to accept her fate. She's going to be okay, she knows it. There's nothing she can do, she can't fight it, so she might as well prepare for it. She smiles when she sees the sun start to set more quickly now.
It was a mixture of orange and yellow, on top of the blue-purple sky. Clouds were faint behind the sun, and the wind was blowing every now and then to cool them off. The sun was now slowly setting, carefully and agonizingly slow, it lowers down hiding behind hills. A part of it peeks out from behind the hill before it lowers down even more, and the moon begins to slowly rise up, replacing the sun.
It was so beautiful.
They lived by the countryside, so there were a lot of stars around here. The stars were lying atop of them, in the dark blue sky, with the moon accompanying them, making them seem as one big family.
Sam and Freddie laid down on the grass, star gazing quietly. He feels Sam tighten her hold on his hand, and snaps his head to look at her eyes. "Sam…?" He asks, his eyes full of concern. "What's wrong?"
"I'm scared, Freddie." She confesses for the first time in her life. "Will you… promise me something?" She asks, her brows furrowing.
"Of course." He replies, scooting closer to her, now laying on his side. He places his other hand on top of her stomach, feeling it expand as she inhales and exhales.
She lets out a ragged breath, meeting his eyes. Her eyes are reflecting the stars above, complementing all her beautiful features. "Please promise me… you'll visit me. You'll visit me everyday, tell me you love me every day… promise me you won't forget me, because I won't forget you. Please promise me…" She says desperately, her voice cracking the slightest.
He knows it's time.
He nods, a tear escaping his eye. "I promise, Sam, I promise." He promises, landing a sweet kiss on her lips. She smiles, a genuine smile as tears stain her cheeks.
"I love you." She smiles.
He smiles back, brushing her bangs out of her face. "I love you too."
And at that, Sam feels something she hasn't felt in a long time.
Happiness.
She smiles brightly, her orbs glowing with her smile. "Thank you… for everything, Freddie." Her voice is almost low, it was breathy; a faint whisper that carried on with the wind. "Thank you…"
And her eyes close as her breathing becomes slower… and slower… and slower...
Freddie silently screams, sobs racking his body as he nestles a lifeless Sam in his arms. He keeps kissing her forehead, singing their favorite lullaby to her, as he keeps brushing her hair through his fingers.
He knows she's gone, but not truly gone, as she is in their hearts forever. At least, she's in a better place now.
~x0x0x~
Samantha Benson
April 17, 1994 – May 14, 2018
Beloved Wife and Best Friend
"Forever in our hearts"
The grave reads.
The brunette boys smiles lightly at his wife. He sits down next to the grave, carefully putting flowers on her grave, always having it fresh. He had come here everyday, to brush off the dust that collected on top of her stone, and to take off dead things that didn't belong there.
"Hey Sam." He says. He takes a deep breath before continuing."It's our… first year anniversary today." He tells her grave, knowing that she's listening… listening somewhere. A breeze passes him and he knows she's there. "I wish I could hold you all day, knowing everything was going to be alright…
"I got a… a new job. I got a promotion. Can you believe it? A promotion!" He smiles, but it soon disappears. "But I… rejected it. I had to move to New York, away from our home. I couldn't do that. I couldn't leave what we experienced in our house… I know you'd probably yelling for refusing it, but I know you'd be proud of me, and I know deep down you wouldn't want me to go… but you want me to be happy.
"So, yeah. I miss you Sam, even if I know you're there with me all the time... but... at least you're in a better place now." He looks up at the tree they planted together. He knew she had wanted to be under this tree… this tree that meant so much for both of them. "You're under the cherry blossom tree. The tree we love. The tree we planted together." He smiles. He glances at the time. He stands up, he doesn't want to leave, but he knows he has to at one point or another.
"I love you, Sam... in so many words you can't explain. I will always love you, Sam. Never forget that. Never forget us. I love you… so much." He says quietly, walking towards the hill near his house.
And he could've sworn that he heard a faint 'I love you, too,' just before he had started to walk…
A one-shot written by a twelve-year-old. [; … soon to be a teen, yeah! Birthday's coming up. *happy dance*
***Dedicated to all those people who had lost a loved one to cancer. Remember, it's not your fault. It's never your fault. It's never anyone's fault. Cancer's a horrible thing and I hope they find a cure.
~miscellaneousmystery~