Even with the black bandanna covering the lower half of my destroyed face, I still feel horribly exposed. The gripping pain of fear in my chest tightens its hold, threatening to make my heart burst. I sigh tiredly, closing my eyes and balling my hands into fists, feeling the fear relax ever so slightly; however as soon as I release, the ache returns and I'm yet again defenseless.
Gathering my courage, a voice comes in through the loud speakers in my dressing room.
"Ladies and gentleman, fan-girls and fan-boys, welcome! Thank you for joining us here at the 2016 PAX Prime convention! Tonight's panel will consist of the lovely Markiplier, Mark Edward Fishbach, as well as some of his wonderful friends. I shall leave the introductions of his friends to him. Without further a-do, I proudly give you Markiplier!" Cheering can be heard from the stage in my room and I take a deep breath.
I adjust my microphone, making sure it's positioned over my bandanna and my mouth. I clear my throat and relax a bit before I leave for the side stage. I shove my hands in the pockets of my gray hoodie, borrowed my fiancee this morning, and slightly jog to the stage.
"To start out the list of beautiful people joining me tonight, mister Pewdiepie." Mark's low, rumbling voice fills my ears as Felix squeezes my hand encouragingly and runs on stage, his hands up in his signature 'Brofist'. I notice Sean standing as far from me as possible, anger seething from him. It pains me to think of how he abruptly abandoned me, always hateful every time I'm around him. I sighed, twisting the sapphire ring on my left ring finger with anxiety.
"Next up, we have the amazing Jacksepticeye," Mark chuckled out as Sean came on stage doing the pelvic thrust. Goosebumps decorated my arms as I shivered from fear. Mark looked directly at me this time, his voice filling the packed room.
"And last, but certainly not least: BloodRoseLyric." Nothing but encouragement and support showed in his chocolate brown eyes as I hesitantly came on stage, the audience clapping and cheering. Mark extended his hand to me and I accepted it, thankful for his guidance. He leads me to a brown leather couch, seating me in between him and Sean; my heart raced in response.
"To kick off the night, we have a once in a lifetime opportunity. This is life changing and beautiful, and we are so honored to be blessed with this chance. Let's welcome one of my best friends Andy and his girlfriend Kayla May onto the stage, please." I'm immediately perplexed as my fiancee is called to the stage. It confuses me more that it's said she has a boyfriend.
My heart stops when the blonde beauty I was tragically lucky to call my fiancee stepped on stage with a man in his mid-twenties that I was very familiar with. Andy Baker is very close friend of mine and Mark's, practically a brother. So, why is he holding hands with my fiancee? They take center stage, a deep blush on Andy's face. I open my mouth to say something, but Sean's pinching of my hand stops me.
My heart is absolutely crushed as Andy gets on one knee before Kayla and pulls out a black velvet box. My world is horribly destroyed when he asked for her hand in marriage. My weak will to live is burned when she says yes with tears sparkling in her joyous honey eyes.
"Well, Raven, what do you think of this?" Sean asks coldly, a deadly glare sent directly at Kayla as utter shock is painted in her beautiful golden eyes. Andy isn't surprised since he knew I was on the panel, but extremely baffled by my muffled sobs as Mark and Felix look at me confusion and concern. "How does it feel knowing that your six month fiancée, Kayla May, has been cheating on you since two months into your relationship? Your wedding was two days from now, right?"
Mark, Felix, and Andy gasp. The crowd is absolutely silent as the only noise is my muffled sobs as I cave in. Mark takes my hand and Sean's gaze softens. My face is stained with ruined make up and my hands are as well. Felix stands.
"Due to the obvious and painful events, I apologize but I think Raven would prefer to go home and rest. She isn't feeling well." An icy glare is directed at Kayla as Andy steps away from her, the ring and box now on the ground; the ring is shattered. I simply shake my head, sniffling and letting out a sigh. My eyes are red and puffy, but I simply take my hands back and wipe away my tears.
"I would actually love to stay. It would be horrible to disappoint such dedicated and excited fans. I don't let my person life interfere with my love for YouTube and the love for my fans. The reason Mark, Felix, and Andy are surprised and confused is because Kayla wanted to keep our relationship and engagement quiet, to 'keep away press.' I agreed, but later on, Sean found Kayla and I kissing on my couch and I made him promise to keep hushed. I guess he figured out that Kayla was cheating and that's why he acted so hateful," I mumble the last part into the microphone, looking at him hopelessly and torn apart.
"Guards, please escort Kayla May out. Andy, you are welcome to stay back stage if you'd like," Mark says viciously as an enforcer takes Kayla off stage and Andy picks up the broken ring. I give a soft smile to Andy and he gives such a painfully apologetic look that I jump up and hug him.
"It's okay, Anders. It wasn't your fault," I feel the salty tears from his eyes drip down my paled and stained face and it pains my mind that he's crying. I hug him tighter then send him off stage with a kiss on the cheek.
"Well, that was nuts! Let's get back to the action-packed panel we have planned for you guys!" I force my eyes to brighten, but beneath my mask, I frown more than ever. I strain myself to appear happy and perfectly well while on the inside I'm slowly tearing myself piece from piece. Cheers and hollers louder than I've ever heard erupt as people stand and clap and whistle. I let out an inaudible sigh and motion for the three angry and confused men to stand with me.
"For tonight, let's start off with some Twitter questions! We have asked that questions from our fans, you guys, be sent to us and we will answer up here tonight. So, I have a screen here," I point to the television on the stage angled up so I can read it. "And I will read the questions that come on and we will do our best to answer." The boys nod, anger slowly easing from Mark and Felix, but Sean stays tensed. He gives off a transparent smile, but it's easy for me to see that it's fake. He's still worked up over Kayla and Andy, despite me acting like I'm fine. Felix and Mark bought it easily, but I don't Sean is so easily fooled by my game of Charades.
The screams soon quiet and the first question comes on screen. It comes with a picture. The screen is split and on the wall behind us, a picture of Andy and Kayla naked in a bed greets me.
"H-How d-d-does it feel to be a sl-sl-" Sean cuts me off there, turning the page. The picture endlessly appears, no matter how many questions we go through. Tears are silently streaking down my face, but I ignore them, laughing and pretending it doesn't make me want to die inside. Mark and Felix share angered looks while Sean is five seconds away from throwing the television across the auditorium.
"How about we just move on to the two microphones set up in the aisles? Please, calmly form a line at each microphone to ask us questions!" I fake joy in my voice, endless tears streaming down my face. I'm thankful that the audience can't tell and that the men haven't noticed.