Hey everyone, I'm not dead! Sorry for the unexpected hiatus, I know I should have come back sooner, but now that school is (almost) over for me, I'll be able to post more often. As a thank you for your patience, I wrote you folks a humble little OS out of context for Easter. It was supposed to be humor but in the end I just made a bunch of fluff. Who cares, right? AU where Bill is human and lives with Dipper (pick one, there's no shortage of those!) The twins are over eighteen.
Mabel had always loved pranks, which meant she would became especially dangerous on the first of April. Dipper had learned the hard way he best sleep with one eye open and avoid the little brunet at all cost that day, unless he wanted to get sprayed with glitter or stuck in plastic film from going through a door.
The thing was Mabel loved all kinds of holidays, from Thanksgiving to Easter to Halloween, with the same passion and the same enthusiasm as she loved her pranks. Which meant that, on this day of April 1st 2018 on which Easter had fallen, Dipper did not know what to expect. Would his sister restrain herself from making jokes so that the holiday would go smoothly, or would she sacrifice her love for candy in order to enjoy making fun of him?
When in doubt, he had bought soap, sponges and a first-aid kit, and prepared himself to stay vigilant all day long. Bill had openly mocked him when he came back from the store with his stuff, like a soldier preparing for a commando. That was to be expected, when it came to pranks, Bill had even sicker ideas than Mabel's, generally including dead animals, that weren't even completely dead sometimes.
However, he was not allowed to target the Pines twins. Otherwise, he'd sleep on the couch or get tickled — two punishments as cruel as insufferable.
On the morning of the big day, when Dipper left the dark arms of his diabolical boyfriend, everything looked fine. He had made sure to lock all doors and windows the night before. The precaution had Bill laughing, but then he gave an impressed whistle when he learned that the girl he called Shooting Star had one day slipped through the roof window into her brother's bedroom in order to draw on his face and cake his hands in whipped cream while he slept.
Dipper made his way to the kitchen to start making breakfast. The morning was starting smoothly. He'd probably stay home to work while Bill would go have fun in town.
Bill dragged himself into the room, yawning like a lion, one hand lost in his bleached mane, scratching his bare chest with the other one. He was still in his underwear, Dipper having eventually given up on explaining him the notion of decency. Walking like a zombie, he snuggled up to the youngest's back as he flipped his chocolate pancakes in the pan, and pressed a wet kiss to his neck. Dipper let a sigh through his smile and turned around half-way to kiss him back on the lips. "I think I like you better in the morning," he remarked.
"Shut up," replied Bill, still trudging his way out of his slumber. They settled down for breakfast and life slowly came back into Bill's golden gaze until he had his usual wit back. Dipper knew he was really awaked when he felt his foot caressing his under the table, his face displaying a devious grin.
However, he didn't have time to react. Three knocks at the door informed him Mabel was there — either with Easter chocolates, either with a prank he had the duty to avoid. Dipper stood, holding back a burst of laughter at Bill's annoyed face. The blond man immediately took it out on the leftover pancakes dissolving into the maple syrup. Dipper grabbed a pot lid on his way to the door and held it like a shield when he opened it.
"Happy Easter bro-bro!" Mabel immediately shouted, trying to jump at him.
The lid tried its best but showed to be inefficient against the little brunet's enthusiasm. Mabel hugged her brother, laughing at his makeshift shield. Dipper couldn't help but laugh along with her. Her giddiness was more contagious than a biological weapon. The precaution was justified though, he didn't want to get splashed with god-knows-what like almost every year.
Mabel dismissed his fears with a wave of her hand. Her? Ridiculing her darling little brother on Easter? Don't be silly… She pressed a little iron box into Dipper's hands. "It's for you!"
"What is it?"
"Elephant poop. It's Easter, what do you think it is?"
Dipper punched her jokingly in the arm, laughing as he opened the little box… very cautiously though. He had already got surprised by spring snakes once. When the lid was off and he was certain nothing was going to jump at him, he dared to look inside.
In a blue pond of paper laid a bunch of tiny dark chocolate fishes. "They're Easter fishes," Mabel laughed. "Come on, try one!"
Dipper gave her a suspicious look but his sister insisted. He shook the box a little to make sure nothing was hidden among the sweets, but Mabel seemed to have settled for that cute gift this year. There was no danger.
Relieved, Dipper took one of the chocolates.
"Pine Tree! Have you grown roots on the doormat?" He felt an arm fall heavily on his shoulders and stopped to roll his eyes. Bill laughed heartily at his own pun before acknowledging the presence of Mabel and her chocolates. "Wow, thanks for the treat, Shooting Star!" he exclaimed, picking a fish as well.
"Bill, wait," Mabel tried to hold him back. But the chocolate had already disappeared in his mouth. Mabel cringed and Dipper raised an eyebrow. There was way enough for the both of them, where was the problem?
As soon as he bit into the candy, Bill stopped. His eyes widened, his lips parted. He looked astounded for a moment before starting to chew again with a wide smile. "Hey, those are amazing!" He took another one before he had even swallowed the first one, his face split with delight. It was Mabel's turn to look stunned. "You'll have to bring us some more, Shooting Star, those are the best chocolates I ever had," Bill continued.
He grabbed a large handful of them before stepping back inside, gulping them down like M&Ms. Mabel, dumbstruck, picked a chocolate from the box as well and bit into it. Seeing his sister's reaction, Dipper decided to put back his own. The brunet's cheeks suddenly reddened and she started to fan her open mouth, panting. "They're working! I can't believe it, how did he do that?"
Working? Dipper's hunches came back running. He stepped back into the front room to set the box down on a table and picked a fish that he broke between his fingers.
The chocolates were stuffed with a discreet bright red substance that he carefully smelled. The scent stung at his nose. Red pepper. He felt a rush of hilarity rising in his chest. Red pepper dark chocolate fishes. Laughter shook him like a puppet, to the point where he had to lean onto the doorframe. Mabel was still fanning her tongue, a lot less amused. "You really outdid yourself this year," Dipper admitted, choking on his own laughter. "That's the most original April Fools prank you've ever done."
The remark at least drew a smile from Mabel. "That's because it's an Easter Fools prank! So, are you going to let my tongue burn or are you offering me a drink?"
He let his sister in to give her a glass of milk. Despite her smile, Mabel seemed a little disappointed that her prank didn't work.
"You didn't even try them," she reproached Dipper who snickered proudly, offering her a bag of white chocolates.
"No, but thanks to you, I know what I'll get Bill for Valentine's Day."
"Damn right!" yelped his piercing voice from the living room. The twins laughed. April Fools sure was onto a good start, this year.