I have writer's block with respect to Grass is Greener… so this is what I'm writing in order to try to work my way around, above or through said block. Anything related to Valdemar is the property of Mercedes Lackey (such as the concept of Companions and Heralds, etc, etc…). But mainly this is the semi-demented ravings of my own imagination… It's like that in here all the time…
Conversations.
cat sighs and half-heartedly pokes at her laptop with one paw. Seeing as how the computer seems completely unwilling to write anything of it own accord cat sighs again and looks consideringly at her food cupboard.
"It's empty, well practically empty." evil-cat pauses from playing with magnets and ball bearings on cat's bed to grin at her silver tabby co-incarnation. "Besides, you should be writing, not scavenging for food."
cat looks flatly at the wayward tortoiseshell who smirks even more. "Why exactly is my food cupboard empty?"
"Several reasons really." evil-cat sits up and counts off on a front paw. "Firstly, you're poor, secondly, you couldn't afford to buy anything except 19p bread last time we went to the supermarket, and thirdly, I ate most of the stuff earlier."
"Am I allowed to kill you?" cat asks.
"Nope." evil-cat pulls a face at cat. "No killing of your fellow incarnations, besides, if anyone was going to be doing killing around here, it'd be me, being as how I'm the evil incarnation and all.
"Well in that case, give me some ideas for writing then."
evil-cat sticks her tongue out. "Heh. Why? It's your idea in the first place, I just do the disclaimers."
"Yes, but I'm stuck silly feline, hence why I'm asking for your help, although I'd probably get more sense out of those ball bearings." cat fixes evil-cat with a look. "What exactly are you doing with them, anyway?"
evil-cat sniffs. "You wouldn't understand, besides it isn't my fault you've gotten stuck with your fic writing." evil-cat pauses and grins before continuing. "I know, you could drop a metric tonne of herring on your lead character!"
cat sighs and puts her head in her paws briefly. "evil-cat, that isn't helping."
"Hey, it's an idea, you never specified that the ideas had to be sensible, logical, or in any way related to the plot." evil-cat flicks her tail and attempts to bounce a ball bearing. "Where did you get up to last anyway?"
cat consults 'fic. "Well…I did a kinda cliff hanger thing and left Teva unconscious and hallucinating and reliving her Final Strike as Herald-Courier Myri—"
:Yes, thanks ever so much for that.:
Both felines turn around with squeaks of surprise and look owlishly at the large white horse that has suddenly appeared in cat's room.
:I am not a horse!: Teva announces hotly and stamps a fore-hoof for emphasis. :I also want to know what exactly is going to happen to me, all this cliff-hanger limbo stuff is very unsettling you know.:
evil-cat coughs and throws a ball bearing at cat's ear.
"Ow! What was that for?!" cat clutches at her right ear with both paws and glares at her alter ego, completely ignoring Teva's question.
"Oh, y'know I was just wondering…" evil-cat looks sideways at the Companion, who returns the look with her impossibly sapphire eyes. "This is your room at university, right?"
"Yeess…" cat rolls her eyes. "That would explain the fact that not only there's a courtyard outside my window, but that it's full of rugby science boys throwing a rugby ball around."
evil-cat sniffs. "In that case, how is she—" evil-cat indicates Teva with one paw, "—fitting in here, cos this room is no way big enough to hold something the size and shape of a horse."
:Well, it obviously can because I'm standing here silly cat.: Teva informs evil-cat smugly. :Besides, you, yourself are an imaginary tortoiseshell feline of evil persuasion who can talk, and you're expecting reality?!:
"Point taken." evil-cat sighs. "Silly me to try to point out plot inconsistencies at a time like this."
:Well, now that that's sorted, back to what's happening to me.: Teva turns and Looks pointedly at cat. :Well, explanations please.:
"Umm…" cat coughs and looks around, before looking back up at the Companion. "You know, this room really isn't big enough for all of us."
:You're changing the subject cat.: Teva shifts her weight from hoof to hoof. :But if it gets me explanations, then very well.:
Teva concentrates and the room fills with mist, obscuring everything from sight.
evil-cat coughs at some length. "I think I need a salbutamol inhaler." Her voice rasps out of the mist.
"evil, you're not asthmatic." cat points out, her voice emerging from a different patch of the mist.
"I will be if miss wanna-be fire lighter does that any more." evil-cat says aggrievedly and wrinkles her nose in the direction of a patch of mist that appears to be concealing a vaguely glowing horse shape.
The mist thins slightly, and then soaks into the ground, almost like water and vanishes from sight. Both felines blink and exchange looks as they regard their new location. Huge trees of pine and oak reach above them and there is a thick carpet of pine needles on the ground, which cat stirs with one paw as she puts her head on one side.
"Somehow I don't thin we're in Gloucester any more." cat states.
evil-cat glares. "Stunning observation there daft animal." Teva suddenly becomes the focus of evil-cat's thermic lance of a glare. "All I'm saying is this better not be anything to do with the damn Pelagirs. My plans for the day do not include anything to do with wyrsa and the hunting and eating of me thereof."
Teva snorts and returns evil-cat's look steadily. :Of course this isn't the Pelagirs stupid. This is The Grove.:
"You mean the—" cat sits back on her haunches and waves her front paws around.
Teva sighs and rolls her eyes and sighs. :Yes, in Companion's Field. I trust this is enough room for you?:
evil-cat sits down and washes an ear. "I suppose it'll do. Is there anyone else around or are we stuck with you?"
:I can see why you're the evil incarnation.: Teva comments as cat gives a long-suffering sigh.
"You have no idea." cat paws at a patch of pine needles and looks up at the Companion mare. "So, what was it you wanted?"
Teva snorts in irritation. :I would've thought that would have been perfectly obvious by now!: She exclaims. :I want to know when exactly you are planning to get your tail in gear and write some more of Grass is Greener!: Teva twitches her ears to discourage a curious fly before continuing. :I mean…that last chapter was all very well and good, but poisoning me?! A bit extreme hey?:
cat coughs and looks slightly embarrassed. "Well, y'see it kinda happened like this…"
:Yes…?: Teva concentrates on cat as evil-cat becomes distracted by a moth and pounces after it, giggling to herself.
"Well, I kinda got the whole idea about the Myri and Dallian thing whilst I was being an insomniac as usual and I couldn't think of anyway to shoe-horn it into the story at first."
:So you poisoned me.: Teva states with annoyance. :Couldn't I have just day-dreamed about it or something?:
"I suppose so…" cat pauses for a moment and raises an eyebrow at evil-cat, who has managed to get herself stuck halfway in a large woody bush. "But then I also had the hallucination idea and—"
"Plot inconsistency!" evil-cat shouts gleefully, interrupting the silver tabby cat and the Companion, who both turn to stare at the wildly bouncing bush and orange, black and white splodged hindquarters of evil-cat.
:What in the Havens are you on about?: Teva asks as cat stifles laughter at evil-cat's current position of 'stuck'.
"Plot inconsistency! She's done it again!" evil-cat exclaims and tries to twist around, only succeeding in turning herself upside down and jamming a branch into one ear. "Ow"
cat loses her battle and starts to laugh out loud and point at evil-cat's skyward facing posterior, causing evil-cat to approximate crossing her front paws over her chest, a move somewhat hampered by the large amounts of foliage tangled around her.
"Ha, ha very funny I'm sure. At least I'm not the one claiming to be able to raise an eyebrow when I don't even possess eyebrows!" evil-cat looks as triumphant as one can whilst stranded upside-down in nature as cat stops laughing and flattens her ears against her head.
"Picky, picky." cat mutters before pointedly turning her back on her evil counterpart. "As I was saying, hallucinations seemed to be the way to go, and the only way I could think of doing that was—"
:Feeding me poisoned grain.: Teva finishes and shakes her forelock out of her eyes with a sigh. :I am so going to see about having my contract changed.:
cat blinks "What contract?" She asks in a puzzled voice.
:I don't know.: Teva admits with a cough. :But I'm going to get one. I mean, day dreaming…yes, spending several pages discussing the ins and outs of grass…yes, menacing stuck up Blues and brats…a definite yes, but getting poisoned?! No.:
cat opens and closes her mouth silently, doing a creditable impression of a stranded goldfish as evil-cat sniggers quietly from her position of (still) in the bush.
"But…but!" cat splutters. "I worked my paws to the bone for those first eleven chapters!" She waves ink splattered paws about under Teva's nose for emphasis.
"cat, you type everything, how can you have ink splattered paw—mmmph!" evil-cat briefly tries to be the voice of (seeming) reason until a certain irate silver tabby jams a convenient bundle of leaves in her mouth. "Mmmmphh!!! Mmmm, mmmmmmpphhh ppffftttt!!!"
Teva and cat trade glances as the trapped tortoiseshell blasphemises around the foliage in her mouth.
"Trust me, you don't want to know what she's saying." cat assures the Companion who looks dubiously at the foaming evil-cat.
:Are you just going to leave her there?: She inquires.
"Don't worry, she's had her rabies jab, besides, she was saying that she wanted to be one with nature." cat snickers and waves sweetly at evil-cat, who manages to indicate with much branch-hampered gesturing and incoherent growling and foaming (green leaf juice) at the mouth, that cat'd better watch where she puts her paws later cos she, evil-cat, is going to be waiting.
"So, lets go find the others then." cat wanders away and Teva follows her after a moments pause.
:Well, last time I 'saw' Alexander, he was having a hysterical nervous breakdown over his possibly dying Companion, i.e.: Me.: Teva looks sideways at cat. :You do know that this is all in your head, right?: She asks.
"Of course." cat says airily, waving her tail around as she pads out into the Field. "Which means that Alex won't be having a breakdown in a stable in the middle of nowhere. Logical really."
Teva blinks. :I hadn't thought of it like that.: She says slowly.
cat smirks superiorly. "That's because you've only been in my head for a few months, once you've been around for as long as I have, it all makes sense!"
:Really?: Teva asks curiously as she trails alongside cat.
"Well…no. But it becomes slightly less confusing, well…you cease to notice it really…ahhh…"
:Let's just go find my Chosen.: Teva says firmly and cat nods in agreement.
Companion and author wander off into the distance, leaving evil-cat to be acquainted with Mother Nature some more.
~~~~~
Don't ask. Really, don't. This is what happens when writer's block combines with 3 hours sleep, no food, sugar cravings and far too much Anadin ultra…speaking of which… *goes in hunt of more ibuprofen*
Btw! My website!
etcetera-cat.tripod.com/ right….. all you need to do is stick the 'http' malarkey in front of that…. No 'www'! *is determined to sneak around ff.net's aversion to URLs in uploads*