Disclaimer: I don't own Tsukihime. And be forewarned: Spoiler Alert! (Note: best read along with depressing opera/classical style music! :D)
Night-Dreams
One-Shot
I see him, Shiki. Even though I may be sleeping, I can see him. I told him that as I slept, I would dream about him and the times we shared together, but I never thought my dreams would be like this.
Back and forth, like waves crashing upon a desolate shore, my consciousness ebbs, from darkness to the dream like state where I see Shiki. When I do dream it is of his daily life and the life he now lives after I left. Maybe it's magic or maybe it's side affect of vampirism, but what I truly see is Shiki Tohno's life flashing through my dreams.
I see him laugh.
I see him smile.
But…
I also see him cry.
Many times, I've watched him pace around the park where we first met.
Many times, I've watched him lean on the door of my apartment.
Many times, I've watched him stand silently in his room, staring out his window into the endless night sky.
Every time I see him at these places, I watch him cry.
And it breaks my heart.
He truly does love me; even though it is because of the monster I am that we cannot see each other. It is because I cannot control my thirst for blood that he is crying.
And it breaks my heart.
Although my slumber is deep, I feel more conscious now than ever. More conscious of the mistakes I've made, more conscious of the experiences I've had, more conscious of him. I want him to be happy but I know that's not possible.
Sometimes... I hear him talking to himself. He talks to me as if I'm there.
He says that he misses me.
He says that he wishes that I was there.
He says that he loves me.
He says that he'll never stop loving me.
When he says these things, I feel like all the happiness in the world is mine, but when the withdrawals of that happiness comes, I am engulfed by an all consuming guilt. The guilt that he's hurting because he misses me, the guilt that he's hurting because I'm not there, the guilt because he can love no but me. It all hurts so much, for the both of us.
But still I dream; I continue to dream of him.
I see him age. I see him change into a fully fledged man. I see his life move on.
He cries less, and smiles more.
I see that he is happier.
He ages and grows up. He goes to a university and then he gets a job. Yet, he doesn't stray far from his hometown. He has had many chances to go to so many places, but he refuses those opportunities and decides to stay in the town he grew up in. The Tohno name could have taken him far, and he knows that. His sister is now the head of many of the companies and businesses that the Tohno family controls. She offers her brother a place beside her, controlling the family empire, but he refuses. Many women try to court him, some because of his status and others because of his good looks. Still, he refuses them all. He says into the darkness that there is not woman out there that can take my place.
As his life moves on, he seems content.
But, I still see him.
I see him wander around the park
I see him stare at the door of my apartment.
I see him lie aimlessly in his room.
I see him cry.
It seems like he cries less and smiles more, but as my dreams permeate through the endless years, I realize this isn't true at all.
He just hides it better.
Shiki still cries all the time, but no one notices. Not his coworkers, not his friends, not his family. This is because when I watch him, I see that he's alone, or rather, his heart is alone. He may be surrounded by others, but they always feel they have to stay arm lengths away. And he's fine with that. He prefers it that way.
Even after all the time that has passed, he talks to me. He sits in his dark room and talks into the shadows.
He says how much he still misses me.
He says how much he still wishes I was there.
He says how much he still loves me.
Hey says how he will never stop loving me.
And it all breaks my heart.
Why can't he just forget about me? Am I worth that much?
No.
That can't be! That can't be… because I'm just a monster. I selfishly led Shiki into this sadness and regret. I still don't understand how he can love someone like me…
Still, the dream continues, and I watch him age further.
His life doesn't change much. The people that come in and out of his existence are purely peripheral to him. As time wears on the pain of his heart begins to reflect in his health. Shiki has always been weak, but now the constant stress on his heart is catching up to him.
I watch his health deteriorate, and because this is a dream there is nothing I can do to help him. Throughout the years he has pushed so many people away. The only person I ever see visit him in his apartment, and now his hospital room, is his sister. I am glad he still has someone that cares for him, but even that is little consolation for what I continue to see in my dreams.
I continue to watch him cry. He doesn't even hide it anymore. He can't visit the park or my old apartment anymore so he settles for drawing on a stretch pad. I see him draw various things while he sits in his hospital bed. He draws things like the moon, sometimes his sister, and other times his old friends. On one rare occasion I saw him draw a very detailed portrait of me.
But that was the time I saw him cry the most.
And that was the time I hurt the most.
Now here I am, in my latest fit of dreaming, watching him age further.
He is still relatively young, but now Shiki can't even leave the hospital. His health is that severe. All around his hospital bedroom I see portraits of a young woman taped on the walls.
At first I couldn't make out who the woman was because of the darkness that always seemed to have settled itself within his hospital room. But after closer inspection, I realize the all too well who the identity of the woman in drawings covering the walls belongs to.
They're all portraits of me.
And that's when I snap.
I can't watch this dream anymore.
I can't watch Shiki fade away even further…
That's what I thought when I finally woke up from my slumber, and came here to his bedside. The vampiric pulse urging me to suck his blood was overwhelmed by the pain of seeing the one I love lie so helplessly in a hospital bed, the reason being because of me.
I don't know how long it's been since then, but every night I stay by his side and watch silent tears fall down his cheeks. I should have come sooner. I know that. But I didn't want to turn him into one of the Dead Apostles. I couldn't condemn him to life like that. But… maybe the life I've condemned him to by leaving his side was a worse sentence than anything my fangs could have inflicted. Either way, because of my careless actions, I am now watching the one I love die; no longer through a dream but through my very own eyes.
And he continued to die. Nothing changed for a very long time. Until one night…
… when the full moon was peering through the single window in the little hospital room, Shiki opened his eyes. He looked over to his side and saw me. Then he smiled. It was a real smile.
"Hi," he said. "I knew you'd be here."
I blushed while I cleared my raspy throat. "H-how…?"
"You were always there," he grinned. He shifted his weight, swinging his legs off the bed, putting on his glasses afterward. "I think I'm ready to go now."
I nodded, and then took his hand.
He smiled at me again.
It was his real smile.
"I could always see you. I knew you were there through everything."
I couldn't help but smile. I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything.
I took Shiki home. I had watched him all this time, and I had loved him all this time, but the first chance we finally got to be together, was the night he died.
.
.
.
That's when the dream ended.
Author's Notes: Based mostly off of the game and the fact that Akiha gave him half of her life, and consequently 1/4 of her life after Roa stole half of the given lifespan. Either way, it spells an early death for Shiki, and I believe that Arcuied wouldn't just sleep around while he died.
I didn't mean for it to be this depressing, but that's how it turned out. D:
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and, as always, please read and review!
kama