A/N: im so sorry idek what this is i'm just not ready for ep12 ok
l'ange et la mer
the angel and the sea
haru falls in love with rin through very simple, nigh insignificant things, like the way his hair billows in the wind or the way the sun loves his cheekbones enough to kiss them whenever it can. he falls in love through moments and minutae the rest of the world doesn't detect, let alone appreciate; he falls in love between the cheesy one-liners and the innocence glossed over eyes blown wide in pure, earnest glee.
my name is matsuoka rin
he falls in love with the way water looks on rin: sluicing down his neck, gathering in droplets that cling onto his jawline, casting a gleam across his skin when the light slices past and drowns them all in gold. he falls in love with the way rin smiles, unabashed and unconstrained, that endearing breed of careless and shameless affection rin isn't even aware he radiates. haru falls in love on an inconspicuous morning where he wakes up late and runs to school, his heart the beat of a stampede between his temples—he falls in love on a morning where makoto wears that hideous lime green cardigan haru feels belongs in the burnable trash—he falls in love while his classmates listen to that strange introduction and watch as that smile, bright enough to bleed the sun, breaks upon a stranger's face, and we're all strangers at the starting line aren't we—his heart nosedives while his mind cringes and haru—
it might be a girly name, but i'm a boy
(and that just creates an entire league of other problems, doesn't it)
haru can't do anything to stop it. rin yanks open the door, steps into his heart, settles down without as much as a 'thank you for the hospitality', and haru feels alive, feels the blood in his veins and the warmth between his ribs. although he doesn't admit it, sometimes, when their arms brush and rin's laughter resounds in his ears, haru thinks, perhaps, this feels better than swimming.
i'll show you a sight you've never seen before
(this is the first promise.)
five years down the road, haruka looks at rin, and he can't see him anymore, behind the scowls and the coarse words and deeper voice and the corded muscle. behind all these safeguards rin has, these stone walls he boxes himself in with, and haruka wonders what is it that rin feels so desperate to protect himself from, and then he thinks about that time in middle school and he thinks—
ah, right, the one that hurt him is me.
rin falls in love with haru's natural prowess, how invincible he seems once he's in the water, how he's so stubborn about only swimming freestyle, how stoic he appears but inside he's soft as the first snowfall winter whisks in against its will, and he lets it get to his head. he says stupid things like 'romantic, isn't it' and 'i want to swim in a pool full of cherry blossoms' and 'you have to swim the relay with me'.
rin falls in love with how the days seem to idle past when he's with haru, how mornings are lilted in makoto's admonitions when haru comes to school without his textbook because it wouldn't fit alongside his two new pairs of swim trunks, how afternoons are distilled by the smell of chlorine and adrenaline in his veins and so much happiness he might drown.
(but drowning isn't an option, loss isn't an option, and they form a treacherous pair when it comes to him, don't they?)
he feels himself becoming too engrossed in things other than victory, he feels his priorities teeter like a tower of jenga, and he doesn't know which piece he should throw aside because if he takes the wrong one out, the entire structure will collapse.
in the end, rin leaves.
i'll never swim with you again. never.
(this is the first promise he breaks.)
there are two boys in separate hotel rooms
little do they know
the only thing they can think about is each other
and if you strip a single color from the composition of light
then it no longer remains light.
mikoshiba seijuurou tells rin he won't be in the relay, and all he hears is:
it's too late for second chances
haru fell in love with the way rin laughs, and he has no doubt he would again, if rin still laughed.