#1: Hole in the Heart

: 恋色マスタースパーク Love Coloured Master Spark

My initial concern was increasing the complexity of my danmaku and making them stronger. When I did reduce my training, it wasn't because I was overjoyed with the fruits of my labour.

As my star-shaped danmaku scorched the target before me, I got off my broomstick and looked at the target board. The mark was way off the bulls eye. I sighed. I lay down on the green grass beneath me. My thoughts were getting too hazy and I could not get my mind off that day.

The day my lasers got too strong.

I was cheerfully spinning around the air with my broomstick, weaving through pattern after pattern of danmaku aimed in no particular direction. I was challenging Reimu once again after I was finally satisfied with my training.

'Love Sign: MASTER SPARK!'

As I declared my spellcard, I drew my mini-hakkero from my hat and prepared my laser. Aiming at Reimu, my laser began to materialise and I smirked at her as I summoned showers of little star danmaku. She struggled trying to find a way over my Master Spark and I quickly flew above her with my broomstick, knowing that it had always won Reimu's speed. As my mini-hakkero began to glow, I summoned even more star danmaku as they began to rain on Reimu like a heavy downpour.

Reimu spun round, eyes wide with shock. With our rule of no bombs, she knew she was in deep shit. She tried to get out of the cloud of star danmaku that was spread out in no defined pattern, but it was too late. As my Master Spark blasted through the air, Reimu yelped in fear and surprise. After about ten seconds, my Master Spark dissipated. Reimu was nowhere to be found.

'Eh? Reimu, where are you?' I scanned my surroundings in confusion, unable to spot the red shrine maiden. As my danmaku faded away, I spotted Suika who was lazily drinking sake on the Hakurei Shrine main gate while observing our battle. Suika giggled as she took another huge gulp from her Ibuki gourd. Suddenly, her facial expression hardened as I approached her.

'Hey, Suika, did you see Reimu? We were playing danmaku just now and after she got hit by my Master Spark, she disappeared.' I said, getting straight to the point. Suika, however, said nothing. I repeated my question, my broomstick lowering down to her as she lay on the strong wooden gate.

'Hey, Marisa, how long have you been training your lasers?' Suika finally spoke, after a long while of silence. I raised an eyebrow at her question. As I got off my broomstick, I raised my fingers, counting as I responded, 'Eh… I'm not too sure, I think… about a year? Or was it two years? I'm… not too sure, hey…' I grinned sheepishly as I scratched the back of my head. Suika nodded and brought her Ibuki gourd to her lips again. As she lowered the small, violet gourd, she looked directly into my eyes, void of any of the cheerful disposition she had prior to my arrival.

'Marisa, you are too strong.'

What she said hit me only a minute later.

'…Eh?! Wait… wait wait what?! You gotta be kiddin' me, hey! I-I want to be stronger than Reimu, but that was too much!' I stuttered as my hands flew about in all directions. It was true, Reimu was the strongest in Gensoukyou. The gap youkai, Yukari, two of the Devas of the Mountain, Yuugi and Suika as well as Yuyuko, who could invoke death in humans all lost to Hakurei Reimu. She was the only person I wished to have rematches over and over in order to beat.

'You… just killed Reimu with that laser.' Suika said, her voice solemn and filled with emotion. I did not believe my ears. I whacked myself on the head with my broomstick, thinking it was all a dream, but it was not.

'Suika… It's not funny…' At this moment, I noticed a red fabric drifting slowly along with the gentle breeze. As it landed in my palm, my eyes widened in fear. Cold perspiration trickled down my forehead and my hands trembled non-stop. My heart was racing as I took in the features of the red fabric. It was part of the ribbon that Reimu always wore her ponytail in. Apart from the fact that it was torn, its other detail was the one that was close to short-circuiting my brain with emotion.

It was charred with few patches of red dotting the burns.

Thirty seconds felt like an hour as I stood in front of Suika, gaping like an idiot at the piece of cloth. My eyes remained wide and I was staring at nowhere in particular. Without warning, I grabbed my broomstick and dashed for the Forest of Magic at full speed. I panted and panted, fatigue slowly taking over me but the adrenaline rush gave me no time to pause. Tears began to well up within my eyes, blurring my vision. As I passed the area where Reimu and I were having a danmaku match, mini craters dotted the area and several trees were charred to the roots. It was only at this time when I stopped and leaned against one of the few standing trees for support, trying to catch my breath.

'No… It can't be! She won't… She won't…' As I choked on my tears, I sobbed as I lowered myself onto the ground. I can never forgive myself… I can't show my face to the world… anymore…

A few days after the incident, Gensoukyou citizens were silent. Not a single soul dared to disrupt this tranquility. Yukari, after listening to Suika's grave words, announced that the Hakurei Shrine maiden would be replaced. Even though she displayed her poker face, I could tell that deep down, she was screaming and ripped up inside. I packed up all the junk in my house with great difficulty and slowly moved my furniture deeper into the Forest of Magic. I can't face anyone with this burden… Especially Yukari…

Within a week, I took down my house and built a new one with a different design, not wanting people to recognise me. I knew that people would resent me for murdering the Hakurei shrine maiden, so I decided to live in exile by myself. I spent less time trying to improve my techniques, still mourning the loss of Reimu, my rival, my best friend. Every once in a while, Alice would try to cheer me up by offering to have a short match with me but I refused all the time, even though I would have accepted them with great energy in the past. I was scared of hurting more people around me. When she came round again yesterday to have lunch together, I looked up from the makeshift grave I made for Reimu and declined the invitation for the umpteenth time with a sad smile. As I made my way back to my house, a stray tear rolled down my cheek.

As I rose from the bed of grass, I thrust my clenched fist into the trunk of the tree I was seeking shade under. My hand gained a few bruises, which were greatly reduced due to the fingerless gloves I wore. I withdrew my hand and gazed at the hole in the tree I had just made. It had been more than eighty years since I became a witch. It had been more than ninety years since the incident, yet, it felt like the wounds in my heart were caused yesterday.

Unbeknownst to me, the Little Pandemonium hid within the trees, observing my every move with the youkai in charge of gaps. It was one of the rarest days when she was spotted awake in daytime.

As Alice approached me, she gently placed her hand on my shoulder. Her face was filled with concern and sadness. 'Marisa, please don't dwell on it for so long… You need to move on…' With that, tears threatened to leave Alice's eyelids every minute. I sniffed as I clutched the ground beneath me. I used to brush her hands away from me when she tried to comfort me but I knew it was useless, Alice would persist no matter what I did. I slowly moved my head and looked into her eyes. They resembled glass beads, fragile glass beads which contained nothing more than grief and sorrow. Her tears formed numerous watery trails down her cheeks and the corners of her baby blue eyes contained even more tears that were ready to flow any second. Before I knew it, I lost control of my emotions and threw myself into Alice's arms, clutching her blue dress which she never abandoned tightly. I let my tears drip from my eyes freely, soaking Alice's dress as I screamed. I could no longer hold back my emotions. I could feel Alice sobbing silently but said nothing when she held me in a tighter embrace. I let out a louder and longer wail, which echoed in the Forest of Magic. Years of held back emotions ran wild with each yell and it was only until night fell that I finally fell asleep after crying for so long. I could feel myself being lifted for a while, then lowered onto a soft bed. I felt a trembling hand caress my cheek gently as a familiar shaky voice spoke.

'Marisa… please… next time, don't hold back your emotions… anymore. Please be happy again…'

'Hey, Yukari, it's been more than a hundred years right? Since that day.' From the corner of my eye, Yukari nodded, her expressions revealing nothing. She kept her fan positioned before her lips, probably to show that she was not interested in talking. I knew the reason why. 'That girl… She still can't get over it. Yukari, I know you are pissed at her for doing something like this, but she was still young at that time.'

'…' I turned to Yukari and looked directly into her eyes. I took a sip from my Ibuki gourd as I continued, 'Yukari, you know that you're not the only one who is upset about this. Almost everyone who knew Reimu was devastated. You know that perfectly well.'

'Suika, I don't understand your point.' Yukari stated in a cold manner. I heaved a sigh, knowing that this was going to take quite some time getting into her head. I changed the tone in my voice before speaking. She's still too fixated on Reimu.

'Yukari, I know you are angry that Reimu got killed by an over excited best friend who was too keen on beating her, but have you ever considered her effort? Marisa spent day after day training. She had no talent for danmaku at all, but she persisted in trying to perfect her techniques. Reimu was the perfect person for her to prove that hard work would pay off and you are fully aware of that too. Marisa had her eyes too fixed on her purpose. She never meant to-'

'Suika, shut that drunken trap of yours before I-' Yukari raised her voice, glaring at me as she snapped her fan closed.

'-kill her. Face it. It's the truth and you are just trying to run away from it. Before holding a grudge against her, think properly. You never saw Marisa's training and work. Your interests were all directed towards Reimu, so you wouldn't know.' I sent a grim glare back to Yukari before I continued, 'From observing Marisa's constant challenges to Reimu, I could see her hard work being put into action, her planning and her disappointment whenever she lost to Reimu time after time. Her happiness and excitement when she won would brighten up her day tenfold and also motivate her to work on different types of spellcards.'

'Suika...'

'Right now, she's still mourning the loss of her closest friend and rival. She's still dwelling on the past. She now fears her own powers. She exiled her own self to ensure that no one else would suffer the same fate as Reimu. She has been living in regret for the past century. She hasn't come to terms with her death. She trembles whenever she tries to use her Master Spark. She couldn't bring herself to approach Reimu at the Sanzu River when she was rumoured to be there waiting for that shinigami made their way to her. Marisa didn't believe us when Reimu wanted to pass her the message that she held neither anger nor resentment towards her for destroying her existence. She didn't even budge when Youmu visited her personally to tell her that Reimu was staying in Hakugyokurou.'

'…'

'She tried to throw away her emotions in hopes of forgetting the incident, but when she tries to train she would unknowingly break down in tears. She has yet to steal any books from the Great Unmoving Library since that day. Even though she was glad it had stopped initially, when years passed too peacefully Patchouli left her domain and sought me out personally on her sudden change in behaviour. When she assured the numerous youkai, kappa, tengu and witches that she was alright at home, she was actually struggling to hold back her tears. She could never set foot beyond the Forest of Magic to apologise for killing Reimu. She still spoke to the grave, telling it how she screwed up, how greedy she was, how Reimu's friendship could never be replaced… The list goes on. She doesn't even buy food now, she only consumes food when Alice drops a bento at her doorstep once a day.'

Yukari kept quiet as she shifted her gaze to the witch clad in black who was deep in thought, standing over Reimu's grave she made herself. She carefully thought about the witch's feelings. Now that she thought about it, she hadn't spoken a word to the witch since the incident. She felt a pang of guilt attack her heart mercilessly. Yukari then understood that Marisa felt so remorseful that she could not bring herself to face her at all for more than half a century. Suika glanced at Yukari for a short second before taking another sip of sake from her gourd. She lost interest in drinking whenever she saw Marisa's expression mixed with guilt, fear and sadness. She was still sober during her conversation with Yukari. Heaving a heavy sigh, Suika spoke again, this time, slower, with a tinge of pity in her voice.

'She was the one who took the hardest blow from Reimu's death.' Suika turned her back, facing the Forest of Magic's lush greenery. She could not bear to see the witch's sadness etched clearly on her face as her cries echoed throughout the forest. Seeing this, Yukari opened a gap and teleported home, her mind void of any hard feelings towards Marisa.