A/N: Hi! I'm ladyoflalaland and welcome to the collab story of awesomeness by myself and the great Robyn_enjolras. We're both rabid musical fangirls turned rabid APH fangirls AND musical fangirls. And we LOVE Poland/Lithuania. And country names. And pandas, but that's beside the point.

Disclaimer: If you think we own APH, you crazy!

In a house, somewhere in Poland…

I looked across the desk, papers in my hand, coat pressed against my totally hot body. This was it: the perfect crime. And I was the perfect person to solve it. Leaning back in my seat, I took a drag on my cigarette…

"Hey!" From out of nowhere, a hand snatched away the cigarette I was about to oh-so-stylishly smoke, "I told you not to do that, even if you are just playing!"

I looked up and over my fab sunglasses. In front of me stood Lithuania: in case you don't know, Lithuania - some people call him Toris, but I think Lithuania's, like, cuter - Anyways, Lithuania's just this guy… we used to be one country and stuff like that, but now he lives with Russia. We still visit and have sleepovers, and stuff, but I don't get to see him all the time anymore, which is a shame because he's totally nice and cute in, like, a helpless I'm-on-anxiety-meds kind of way, and… okay, you got me – I totally think he's adorable and would like, completely make out with him. But, you know, you can't always just do that with your best friend. I mean, even if you're me: Poland, Feliks, whatever. You just have to, like, keep up your appearance, if you get what I'm saying.

This was one of those weekends: one of those times with Lithuania was staying over at my house. Every first and second weekend of the month and every other holiday: that's what it says on the papers Russia and I signed. As much as I love having him over, Liet does not seem to get the idea of playing pretend, which would explain why he was now standing over me looking disdainfully at the cigarette in his hand.

"But, Liet, it's candy!" I whined.

"Really?" He examined it carefully. "Wow!"

Ah, he's so cute when he's surprised, "Now," I began, "shoo! I mean, like, please?" I tried to get him my best 'Imma gonna be a good boy if you just let me play' face.

"Fine…" Lithuania turned to leave, "what are you playing anyways?"

"Detective." I replied – okay, it sounds a little childish, but it's fun.

"Why do you need to wear that pink skirt then?"

"Don't," I glared dramatically, "ask questions you aren't ready to have answered."

"Okay, whatever" Lithuania laughed, "I just need your help with some work later, kay?"

"Kay" I nodded. With that, Liet left the room.

Now, I turned back to my papers. Where was I?

Ah, yes: it was the perfect crime. The kind with little evidence and less witnesses. The sun was shining and the air was full of… wait for it! Kidnapping. It was the best possible day for one person to don his sparkly sunglasses, trench coat, and, like, pink skirt and solve crime. But who is this oh-so-fabulous person, country, thing? It's me! Poland, detective!

See what I just did? I just worked the title name into my monologue. I rock!

Now... where was I? – oh, right! I was ranting at my desk. Well, the day was perfect for crime – and I was going to have one. Bigger than anything I could, at that time, have imagined. But, before that happens I would first have to… have to… have to...? Yes, I would have to watch a movie! And not just any movie: I would have to watch… "RENT!"

"Something," I thought, "is not right." I just couldn't put my finger on it. I looked around the room. Okay, so, the half-melted container of soy ice cream on the table, the scarf thrown on the lamp, the same lamp laying sideways on the floor – the floor that was now covered with various articles of clothing – well, all of those were a little weird when taken out of context. But, considering that I had just been running around dancing and singing along to "Rent," the state of the living room made sense. Right? RIGHT? Everyone always makes a mess when they're watching and acting along with a movie-musical. It's totally normal.

What was I talking about? Before the movie? At this point, I had no idea. So, I set off to find Liet.

"Liet?" My voice carried across the hall. "Liet?" Okay… this was, like, super strange, you know? Normally, when I called for him, Liet came running right up looking worried. Like I was calling him because I accidentally burnt down the house or something. Haha, like I would make that mistake again.

I walked from room to room...

Actually, that's lie: I danced from room to room.

My house is very good for dancing in: it has, like, all wood floors. I figured that, while I was searching for Liet, I might as well practice my dance moves.

"Liet" I called again. By now, I was beginning to panic. If I couldn't find him then I couldn't tell him something really important, and then we'd never open up a restaurant in Santa Fe which was, due to the fact that I had just finished "Rent," now my dream.

"Liet? Are you, like, hiding?" I turned. You know, you would have thought that I'd at least see one of my servant guys, or my boss or something. But, nope, no one. It's like, someone set me up for this story.

Wait, Oh. Emm. Gee. I just saw Liet.

Oh... haha, silly me: it was a lamp. At this point, I was getting very disappointed. And the high-heeled "detective" shoes I had been wearing were hurting. So, I figured I'd just call Liet's phone and then wait for him to come back. In the mean time, I'd watch another movie. Yes. Time for "Hairspray."

The next morning...

"Something," I thought, "was not quite – wait? Haven't I thought this before?"

I sat up on the couch. Why was the living room in disarray? Why was there no breakfast in front of me? And, most importantly, why was one of those artsy French films on TV? I reached for the remote, but then remembered something else: don't I usually have someone around... on the first and third weekend of every month and every other holiday?... who did all this work for me?

It took me a second to remember.

"Oh my God…" I stated, eyes wide with fear, "my brownies have been in the oven all night long!"

It was only once I saved the brownies that I remembered the truly important thing: Lithuania had forgotten to wash my black shirt!

Suddenly, a gust of wind hit me directly in the face. At first I thought that I had left my wind tunnel's fan on, but then I remember that I didn't have a wind tunnel. But, when a bunch of leaves and a piece of paper hit me right in the fact, I recalled that I had left the window open.

I pulled the leaves off my face. They were all wet – urgh- and brown, except one that was completely white and looked kinda like… a note! And it had words on it…

"Ca – Tr –Rus – L!" It was a message, a secret one. As I read it, the events of last night rushed down on me: My darling Liet was still missing! He hadn't answered any of my calls or texts. He must have been kidnapped! The note was proof: Lithuania was kidnapped by Russia. Of course, that makes sense. Russia, the fiend, was jealous of me getting Lithuania every first and third weekend and every other holiday. Because of that, he took him. And now, it was up to me to save the one I love from the clutches of that foul man who Lithuania usually lived with. It was just like my game, only this time it was real.

And so, after five hours of getting ready, I set off for Russia's house.

A/N: ok, gangsers, Robyn's chappie will be up soon. Until then, review, give a panda a hug, and check out the awesome fanart my little brother did of this chapter - the link to which is up on this account's profile. (he's doing one for every chapter, so give him some reviews over on deviant art too!) As they don't say in Poland, adios!